A letter to dad

Dear Dad,

I wonder how it is that two people can love each other as much as we do and yet we walk through this life as strangers with disdain for one another? How is it that there is nobody closer to me and yet we are worlds apart?

I'm almost 40 now and I guess it's me at this point, but I wish you would look at me the way you did when I was young. It's crazy to me that 30 years later I can still remember the sparkle in your eyes and the smile that would appear on your face as I entered the room as a child. We were as close as a father and son could be, at least that's how I pictured us. Nowadays I walk into the room and you bow your head or look away and whether you realize it or not, as strong as I am, that shit hurts and I notice it. I'm not saying you do it purposely or knowingly, but I definitely see the difference when my older brother walks in a room. That's the feeling I want. The feeling that your father, the man who brought you into this world, would actually be happy to see you. Happy to hear about your day and happy to speak about the man you've become and continue striving to be.

I know it was before my 13th birthday that things had changed with us and it was around that time I felt abandoned by you. You had thrown your hands up into the air and metaphorically speaking you had reached your limits, you had no idea what else to do and so you gave up. For the next 20 years I experienced many of the horrors life can hand an individual, and I faced them alone and I never broke! When we talk there is always animosity and that's if you're even listening. I know this is a very sad thing I'm about to say, but it's true. I have such little belief in myself and my abilities because you seem to have none in me. How can a young boy grow into a successful adult if the one man he trusts, loves, idolizes and looks up to, doesn't have belief in him? As an adult I have to give myself a pep talk everyday to offset the damage that was done by never having you tell me that you believed in me or you were proud of the choices I was making. I have to stare myself in a mirror every morning and tell myself I'm great, special, lucky and able to handle anything that comes my way, because if I don't, nobody ever will.

That is not how life should be. At this age I should be confident in who I am and the path I've chosen. I shouldn't have to remind myself everyday that I'm on the right path. But doubt crept in from a young age and I haven't been able to fully shake it since. You can't do what you want and you can't follow in my footsteps, you'd tell me. This is who I want you to be and this is the only version of you I will support. How does a child deal with that? I was punished and ridiculed repeatedly for not falling into line, when truly I should have been rewarded and awed at that such a young child could stick to his own beliefs and have so much resilience. I never hurt anyone, I only wanted to be me. I guess this is one of the reasons there has been so much struggle, nobody else seemed to be happy with me being me. So I guess you're right, at some point I turned my back on all of you. What other choice did I have? But the fact that you or anyone in our family has ever attempted to put the onus on me as a child, truly makes my blood boil. How is it possible that a child could even formulate those kinds of thoughts? Oh wait, I get it, it's much easier to place blame on a child than to accept that maybe you had something to do with the way he behaves.

I know better than to blame others and I have worked extremely hard at becoming the best version of me that I can, but it still hurts. You don't think I wish I could flip a switch and everything would go away? Do you not think about how many times I have to sit and wish I didn't have the memories I do? I would give almost anything to never again have to see/feel what it was like to be sexually assaulted as a kid. Do you know how many times I wish I could never think about how at 15 years of age you sent me to live at a group home because you didn't know how else to deal with me? Was that really the case or was I too much of a burden? Did I get in the way of your schedule or your idea of how life was supposed to be? I'm sorry you had me and I'm even more sorry I didn't turn out the way you'd hoped, but how foolish was it for an intelligent and successful man such as yourself to believe you could bring a life into this world and you would be able to plan/dictate exactly how their life turned out? I'm a 39 year old man who still feels the burn of being abandoned by a family that is quite close. It was like being born into a great group, but as soon as they found out you were left-handed, all of a sudden you were cursed and evil. That may be a bit extreme, so a better comparison would simply be that if my family were all part of a special and secret club, I did not make the cut.

I am now a father myself and when I see how close and loving my relationship is with my son, would you believe that I look at the calendar at times and wonder how many years I have left before my son and I have the same falling out you and I did? It scares me more than anything when I think about my son ever thinking about me, our relationship or the way I look at him, in the same way I think of you! I'm super protective of him and can you blame me? Every person that was close to me when I was young and growing turned their backs on me and then told a child that it was he who turned his back on them. I don't want my son to ever feel that his family turned on him or didn't think he was special and amazing. I would keep them all away from him forever if I thought that was the case.

Now I work with children and youth who are a lot like I was and also a lot different, but I want them to know it gets easier and there are many ways to avoid falling as far as I did or others I know did. When I come to you for validation, it appears that all that matters is how much money I earned. My value on this planet seems directly linked to my bank account in this family and it makes me crazy. Do you not know how hard it can be? Do you not think about how easy it is to give up on your dreams and go do what everyone else does? Do you not understand that if I'm not passionate about what I'm doing, it's literally impossible for me to do?

I love you dad and I will continue to strive for my personal best. I hope one day I do something that somehow breaks this almost 30 year curse and we can get back to where we once were. I do want you to know that I'm aware that much of what you do is not consciously done to hurt me and I'm extremely well aware that we all have our limitations, but if you care about me like you say you do, maybe you can try a bit harder in a few places.

Funny thing is I'll probably never send this to you and you'll probably never read it, but I wonder if you did, if anything would change or you would just read it and look at me with the same disappointment you've been looking at me with for as long as I can remember.

Just in case you do get a chance to read this, I want you to know something! I think and so do many others, that I turned out pretty amazing and I'm still climbing.

Love you dad,

A son.

Do we choose the easy way even if it negatively affects us?

As I continue to come crashing back down to reality after the high from hosting our second fundraiser Soccer 4 Heroes this past weekend, (www.TheJoshProject.com/Soccer4Heroes) I found myself contemplating whether or not it is us as humans that choose the easy way in life, even if it negatively affects us.

Sunday March 15/15 I was experiencing every emotion known, as we prepared to host Soccer 4 Heroes. As the day unfolded I found myself completely overwhelmed with all the support we had and how successful the event itself was. I still can feel like that junior high student with zero belief in his abilities to be successful. Even though I have changed and grown over the last several years and we now have many positive examples to look back upon, my knee jerk reaction is still to think everything is going to fail.

It was after the weekend that I decided I really needed to explore the emotions that lead to this knee jerk reaction of gloom & doom. I realized that these thoughts weren't coming from the present version of Josh, these were stored away many years ago and they still rear their ugly head whenever the opportunity presents. It's like the idea of you being scared at age 40 of all dogs, because you were harassed by one particular dogs aggressive behavior when you were age 8. We have to find ways to eliminate old thoughts and reactions so that we may progress to where we should naturally be physically and emotionally.

Oddly enough, the one song I've always found annoying, "Happy" by Pharell Williams, began playing and before turning it off out of frustration, I listened to the whole song. I have definitely been known to have interesting views on things, this is yet another example. Could it be possible that a song like "Happy" actually sets us up for disappointment?? I know you're probably thinking what the heck is wrong with a guy who can think negatively about a song called "Happy", but just hear me out. Are any of us truly happy all the time? I doubt it. It only takes a brief moment to be taken away from happiness. What if people listening to that song began to think that there must be something wrong with them if they aren't happy. What would be more unsettling to you, a person who showed a multitude of emotions or a person who every time you saw them or interacted with them they had a big smile on their face and everything was just awesome? I personally would be a lot more intimidated by Mr. Happy. Maybe if we got rid of the word happy and understood that we should strive to be content as much as possible, things would get a bit easier.

The other idea I kept thinking about was this idea of making an easy choice, even though it could have negative results. I began talking with a friend and colleague about the word depression. If depression is a mental illness and as wide spread as the media describes it, I wonder what would be easier for an individual that was wondering if they themselves are depressed/mentally challenged. If I'm unsure of what I'm experiencing physically and emotionally, but a powerful and large group (the media) tells you that all these symptoms you are experiencing means you are depressed, where does that leave me? It means I have a choice. I can choose to believe that I am like the majority they describe and I'm depressed. Isn't that the easy choice? I now have an excuse for why I feel how I do, I have a name for it, I can get band-aid fixes to help me with it, I can get a doctors note to assist me when I'm not feeling "normal" and I have a loving group of other "depressed" individuals who are anxiously waiting to greet me with love and support because I am just like them. Sounds like any other exclusive club somebody would want to be a part of.

This is where the easy and hard comes into play for me. I believe it's easier for me to accept and acknowledge that I'm depressed, than it is to figure out why I'm having these thoughts and emotions and how can I make them stop. It's like on the one hand you get to watch movies with your friends on a couch eating popcorn because you've accepted your fate as a depressed individual (and all the bonuses that comes with) or you get out there and climb Mount Everest because you are not willing to accept that you cannot change the patterns of thought you currently have! It's much easier to tell myself I'm a drug addict and that way I can stop fighting what must already be a part of me, than it is to tell myself that I can get these cravings under control and I can stop anything I want to stop.

It is us who controls the outcome and I don't know about you, but I'm fighting until the day I die. I will not have any other individual tell me who I am, or what is wrong with me. I will accept that there will be days that suck, days that are awesome and everything between. I will do everything in my power to look at all these days with the same set of eyes in order to not get too excited, when the day is awesome and I will also do my best to not get too disappointed, when the day sucks. We need to remember that we are humans that send rockets into space and we invent supercomputers that can clone sheep, but we are supposed to believe that we can't get rid of thoughts we no longer need or have use for? That's like me handing you a brand new computer and saying it can do everything, but you can never reset it or wipe it clean!

As always I never want to take away from anything anyone is ever feeling or experiencing and my number one piece of advice is always to find someone to help you if you feel anything is not right physically, emotionally, mentally and/or spiritually. Everyone needs help and just because you do, that doesn't mean there is anything wrong.

Love and light to you all!

Is Everything Backwards??

I trust that most of us have shaken off the holiday hangover and we are all diligently back to somewhat regular routines. As I began to clear the cobwebs it was clear that a few things were lingering.

During the holidays we typically have an abundance of social time and for me one moment really sticks out. It was one of those moments that you just can't shake and as much as I tried to play it off, there was little I could do to keep the wheels from turning. A close friend and I had a lengthy discussion about the world as we see it! I know, real light, holiday fun, kind of talk!

It was incredible to me how many things we agreed were so backwards about our world and how frustrated it made us feel. Don't get me wrong, I definitely don't think this was a revolutionary conversation by any means! In fact I'm sure every generation has had talks like the one we had, I guess now it's our turn.

Maybe it has something to do with how I am now the parent and even though I still feel like a child inside, I am very aware of how I perceive and analyze things differently. If nothing else I am thankful for all the communication my 7 year old and I have, as it helps me remember what is truly important!

One comment he recently made to me was actually the catalyst for the discussion I had over the holidays. My son came to me after watching some approved children's television and he asked me why it is that he watches and listens to things on TV that are supposed to be for kids, but if he went to school and acted or spoke like the TV show he'd get in trouble. It really got me thinking because often times I've asked myself the same question as I hear the words stupid, dork, shut up loser and many other inappropriate comments and themes coming from shows like iCarly, SpongeBob, Jimmy Neutron, Johnny Test and many more!

Now I am definitely a very hands on father, so before this becomes a TV ratings rant, I want to make it clear that I believe that my relationship with my son is the determining factor in what offsets this phenomenon. But what about all the other kids who don't have a parent that is always around, always taking to you and who already runs a youth charity so kids are his specialty? Trust me when I tell you that the average youth I meet is easily as daring, has more disdain for authority and is way more outspoken then I ever was. The difference being that when I did it, I stuck out like a sore thumb, nowadays, these types of behaviors are almost routine.





If television, music, internet and media haven't stepped their game up as far as contributing to the delinquency of minors, what else could be the cause? I'm pretty sure that Madonna, who was extreme in the early 80's, is not comparable to Rihanna of present. But maybe they are the same and it's I who have changed. Okay, so then the next logical thought would be the shift in parenting and the family structure. Now this is something I believe we can all agree has undergone major transformations!!

In my opinion the average parent/family are fighting an uphill battle that they may never win. With the cost of living, lack of sticking together as a family, work and most importantly the media and all our wonderful handheld devices, how do we even stand a chance? Nintendo, XBOX and Playstation all have the ability to go online, browse internet, access YouTube & Netflix and much more. So even if you bought all the right game titles, video game time can very quickly become, "let's search the internet and see what we find", time.

I can share more than a few of the awesome explanations I've had to give when my son returns from his mom's house and he tells me about all the new things he's seen on his WiiU and YouTube. My personal favourite had to be the time he came and asked me about a video where Batman is shown smoking drugs, getting drunk and being a criminal. That was a fun one.

Just to quickly make the leap to more "mature" television, I have to speak of Two & A Half Men, even though there are many shows you could use for the same examples. I'm not going to be ridiculous here, but it is something to talk about. This show is one of the highest rated shows on TV and it's definitely a humorous and entertaining show, but let's have a quick look at something. Almost every single episode depicts women as bimbos, whores and typically only valued for sex, they regularly smoke pot and talk about it all the time, not to mention how much they glorify it and alcohol and being drunk is always good.

Now if I as an adult can scratch my head at some of this, just imagine what a child, adolescent or teen is thinking when they watch this? Youth under the age of 25 do not process things the way we do as adults. Their minds are not capable at filtering all this crap on their own. The most amazing thing is these are American Television shows and American Prisons are filled mostly with drug users. So of course their television shows should encourage the youth to get drunk, get high and have many one night stands?? Before you tell me that these shows are for adults and they are on at night, think back to a few paragraphs ago where I mentioned online access! Today's youth are much better with technology then we ever were and they can find anything! Not to mention re-runs of these show play in the afternoon as well.

In other words we have to be so diligent watching and communicating with our children or else... Yet in our world watching and communicating with our children seems to be in major decline! All I know is I hope there are a few more adults out there like me who don't just watch the television and sit there and laugh, they too think about how much these things affect the world around us and the youth that will be taking over one day.

If we can all acknowledge that a child growing up with a loud, obnoxious and rude parent has a very high chance of showing these characteristics from a young age, then is it so far fetched that in our world today when so many youth are raised by a television, computer, nanny or older sibling who is unqualified for the job, they are losing the fight?

At The Josh Project (www.TheJoshProject.com) we do everything in our power to ensure that all children grow to become successful adults. Hopefully a few of you out there feel the same way!

Love and Light to all.

2015 is finally here!!

I can honestly say that 2014 was a roller coaster year for me on a personal and professional level. As the name would imply there were many ups and many downs, many moments of excitement and pure joy, alongside many moments of sadness, fear and disappointment, but what I am most certain of is the fact that like every other time I nervously step on the platform just before strapping myself in for another go-round on the roller-coaster of life, I survived.

Not only did I survive this year, but I'm pretty sure I learned more than I expected and I'm even better prepared for when I take my seat on the 2015 ride and this year I think I'll be sitting in the front car ;)
In other words, no fear for 2015. Of course we all have things that frighten us and there are many things we don't like to think about because of the uncomfortableness it evokes, but regardless of all that, I'm pushing forward no matter what. I will take whatever life has to offer and I will greet it accordingly. You don't decide half way up the mountain that this is a dangerous trek, you anticipate all that can go wrong before you leave. So now that my climb has already begun, there is no point in focusing on anything but arriving at the top.

2014 truly finished with a major bang. Most importantly The Joshua Project Foundation received it's official charitable status and on top of how overwhelmed I am with the accomplishment, it was truly a climb I'm happy I embarked on and completed, it was one of the scariest adventures I ever completed. All things totaled The Josh Project has been operating for over 3 years on fumes and essentially everything I had financially, emotionally and spiritually. To find out in the earlier part of 2014 that the CRA was denying my lawyer assisted application to obtain charitable status was a major shot to the chest. I had invested time, money and a lot of energy with our legal team and I was completely beside myself that this could happen. Maybe its part of the world we live in where we believe that if we are paying a professional to get the job done, it's going to get done. When I was reading our potential rejection letter, all those thoughts went right out the window.

Obviously my initial reaction was to go see my legal team and let them have it. I was livid and I wanted someone to pay. For one of the first times in my life, before I reacted I had this aha moment where it was almost like a soft voice whispered, "It was you who decided to leave one of the most important aspects of your life in another persons hands, its you who should pay!" Almost instantly I was filled with a feeling of "if I got myself into this mess, I can get out of it." I immediately connected with the person assigned to our application and over the next 6 months I worked diligently and I accomplished what my legal team could not and in half the time. I have yet to experience such a feeling of success in my adult life, other than the feeling I get when I'm around my 7 year old son.

I didn't know what pride in oneself was truly like. The emotions made me feel like I could fly. I was proud of myself and I didn't care who knew. In fact, I never even made mention to my legal team that I was disappointed or anything. I know I was experiencing a lot of growth when I didn't act on that one. It took a lot of self control and self realization to understand that it was pointless and why taint the positivity I was experiencing by sprinkling some negativity on top.

I truly believe I am on the path I was always meant to walk and I truly feel lucky and blessed every day that I have a chance to do this, instead of being in jail, on the streets or dead. I am thankful everyday and now I feel like my mission is just getting started and I have a ton of fuel in the tank. I want the responsibility of showing as many people as possible what we are capable of and what we are going to accomplish through The Josh Project. The first domino has been knocked over, let's just see if they fall as we had planned!!

Bring it on 2015!!

To find out more please visit www.TheJoshProject.com as always without you, none of this would be possible!!

Climbing Your Mountain

I'd like to 1st apologize for the delay between blogs but to be honest, I'm still trying to figure out how to juggle so many things at once and it gets overwhelming at times. I’d also like to mention that I never intended for this to be a daily, weekly or monthly blog, my goal was more about sharing thoughts and important messages as I continue along my journey. This post clearly illustrates the prior sentiment because I recently felt the need to share some of the inner workings of my mind and what I've been going through. The main reason for any of the work I do is simply based on the belief that someone out there will benefit from it and that's why I do it.

Over the past 6-8 weeks a lot of incredible things have been happening for me and I've literally woken up several times wondering if these things are actually real. I am so unaccustomed to feeling this positive about the way my life is heading and I’m guessing that it’s a product of my past experiences where I have let others support of me affect the final outcome. It has been quite the climb thus far and I don’t even think I’m a third of the way up my personal mountain. I think it’s definitely a product of the hard work and dedication I’ve put in, as I attempt to re-program the way I look at things and life in general.

Outside of my struggles to accept that this journey was mine and mine alone, I spent way too many years letting other people dictate the way I perceive things and more importantly, or maybe more detrimentally I allowed people to have too much influence over my personal journey. The first step to taking back ownership of my journey was to accept that at the end of the day anything I have ever fallen short of accomplishing were based on decisions I made. No matter what the contributing factors were, it was only I looking back at myself in the mirror and it took me quite some time to realize that it was I alone who had the final say in my life. My biggest obstacle to overcome is that even at 38 years old, I was still reflecting on the part of my life where maybe I didn’t have as much control as I do now.  By that “part of my life”, I’m referring to my childhood, adolescence and teenage years.

I believe that my lack of accomplishing goals I had set out for myself at a young age made it difficult when I was trying to accomplish things in my early twenties and even into my thirties. I’m pleased to say that I finally have begun to turn the tides and I use some of the frustration and determination I had as a youth in order to push me forward now. For instance, I am truly thankful for all the years I dedicated towards being a professional athlete. The memories I have of trying to hit a tiny square on my garage repeatedly without fail, (My fathers idea on the best way I could increase my chances of being a top tier baseball pitcher) day after day and well into the darkness of night, definitely is a positive accomplishment I can pull strength from. Especially when I consider the success I had as a young baseball player. Unfortunately for many years all I could take from this memory was the disappointment I felt when my family didn’t support my goals/dreams of trying to be a professional pitcher. I literally paid zero attention to all those years of dedication and hard work solely based on the fact that I didn’t make it to the Major Leagues.

It almost sounds like that saying we have definitely all heard countless times before, which is “we can choose to look at the glass half empty or half full”. I was a glass half empty kind of guy for way too long and that to me is one of the most important reasons for my lack of success in the past. Life is constantly a work in progress and I am nowhere near finished, the finish for me is when I die, so in other words I’m hopeful I still have a long way to go. What I can tell you is that for the first time since my athletic days and even then there were other things going on that kept me from fully appreciating every morning, but nowadays I am excited to open my eyes everyday. I am finally aware of the fact that the way you view your world is most likely the way your world will be. Just like how I have mentioned many times in the past how perception IS reality, well this just confirms it for me. If you change your perception of the world you live in, trust me when I tell you the world you live in will change right along with it!

As always, keep climbing no matter what the cost, unless your goal is not to get to the top ;)

Thank you for taking the time to read and share and most importantly thank you for being a part of this journey!

For more please visit www.TheJoshProject.com

 

After The Event!

It's been about 48 hrs since Hockey 4 Heroes this past Saturday and I'm still up in the clouds. I haven't felt this many emotions since the birth of my son 7 years ago. For the past 4 months Hockey 4 Heroes had literally consumed me. I was literally operating on fumes when Saturday finally arrived and as many of you already know, the weather was not looking good.

We had already postponed once and we couldn't postpone again, it was rain or shine! I can't even describe what the drive to the site was like at 6:30am, as I watched out my window praying the rain would hold off. When I arrived the rain followed suit and didn't let up for much of the morning.

On the one hand I was very pleased with what we had pulled together and I couldn't believe how amazing all the volunteers were, but on the other hand I felt a lot of guilt because it was evident from early on that the event wouldn't be the financial success we had hoped for. I felt bad for sponsors who invested time and money and probably didn't get all they had hoped for, but then an amazing thing happened. My son came up to me with another young boy and they had ear to ear grins on their faces. Both of them told me how this was the most amazing thing they had ever seen and with the snap of a finger I remembered exactly why we were hosting this event.

Around 11am the Sun cracked it's way through the sky and Mayor Rick Goldring, MPP Eleanor McMahon and myself handled the opening ceremonies and had a very fun time cutting through our ribbon to signify the start of the first ever Hockey 4 Heroes. The KidsZone was a huge success as kids filled the rides. By far the human hamster ball races and human bowling attractions took the cake as favorite rides. Seeing those kids rolling around in the giant balls was exactly what I needed and had hoped for.

Raina Krangle from Raina's Rainbow got the Sun fully shining with her amazing performance and it was followed by the amazing Lorne Lampert of Mystic Drumz. You want to talk about a guy who is amazing with children audiences, Lorne is that guy. We finished our shows with a performance from PRO Martial Arts and the kids in their uniforms were unbelievable.

Yes it wasn't all that I had hoped for, but I think I got even more than what I expected in many ways. The connections we made, the smiles that were shared and the realization that we can do this and we can do this often, are what made this event so amazing for me. I want to personally thank everyone for all their efforts and support during this crazy time in our lives.

The Josh Project and Hockey 4 Heroes will be back and better than ever next year and we look forward to continuing our journey.

An evening with many meanings

Last night was definitely an evening to remember! I had been asked to speak at Nelsons Youth Centre during their Annual General Meeting. It has to be one of the top honors of my young life. Being chosen to speak in front of such an amazing group of people, whom I could only hope to be in the same category as some day, was truly humbling and amazing.

Since meeting the phenomenal staff at Nelsons Youth Centre many months ago it was clear to me what we had to do. I don't want to name anyone, because I don't want to leave anyone out, they are all incredibly dedicated individuals who greet you with a smile every time you meet. Hockey 4 Heroes was created to assist Nelsons with their annual fundraising requirements and we can only hope that this is the first year of a very successful initiative that can provide some much needed financial help for many years to come.

As much as I would love to only highlight the amazing aspects of yesterday evening, I feel I would be doing myself and many of the youth and people I work with a dis-service if I didn't touch on the intimidating and uncomfortable side of the night. I recently turned 38 years old, however last night just before the majority of the guests and board of directors arrived, I felt as if I was an awkward kid again. I headed directly for the back of the room where the chairs had been set-up, and to make my uncomfortableness clear to anyone who was paying attention, I even chose a single aisle seat so that nobody could sit beside me. I then proceeded to stare at the evening program repeatedly in order to hammer home the anxiousness I was feeling about my impending speech.

Finally the time came and I was introduced to the group. I'm pretty sure I didn't hear a word of it because I was trapped in my own little bubble of childhood fears. As I began to speak I believe I even opened with how nervous and awkward I felt and how I probably resembled a lot of the youth the staff currently work with. I did my very best to focus on the many familiar smiles in the crowd and I just did what I truly believe we all have the ability to do. I shared. Sure I was scared and nervous and I could feel my heart pounding, but I also chose to ignore those feelings and power through.

At the end of the speech we all headed upstairs to mingle and immediately my child version was back. I did everything I could to avoid people, I hung by myself and I found things to do that would not leave me susceptible to any of my fears. Then a young lady I have worked with before came over and we started talking and she had a completely different version of me. She told me how well spoken I was and how confident and passionate I was and how everyone could see it and how she wished that she could do what I did. I obviously enjoyed the compliments for a moment, but quickly I asked her how she could see all that while I described how I truly felt. We both had a good laugh and she finished by telling me she was proud of me.

I scratched my head for a second and then I realized that is the most important thing any of us can do for any other individual and especially our youth! We must remind them each and every day how proud we are of them. How awesome their efforts are and how mistakes are great too because without them we don't learn.

The single most important thing to take from all of this is to always KEEP MOVING FORWARD!!! No matter what, keep pushing. Regardless of what you think, there are many other people with many different thoughts and just because you don't think you are capable of something, that doesn't mean you can't do it! Remember that old movie and song line, "When the going gets tough, the tough gets going!" That is the best piece of advice I can give. Life is going to suck and kick your butt more times than it will ever reward you and you know what, if we can greet those ass-kickings and failures in the same way we greet a friend bringing us a present, I have a feeling we will all be doing just fine!

To find out more about the amazing people at Nelsons Youth Centre Burlington, please visit http://www.nelsonyouthcentres.com/ and of course we can be found at www.TheJoshProject.com

Hope to see you all at Hockey4Heroes on Saturday Sept. 13th an all day street festival to raise money and create more awareness for Nelsons and The Josh Project.

Have a great day :)

Robin Williams

The sudden suicide of Robin Williams is a tragic one for many reasons, but it's significantly magnified when the world looses someone from the public spotlight. We typically tend to feel like we were closer to that individual then we really were. Especially this day and age with all the information at our disposal, we feel like we know something about actors, musicians, professional athletes and other extreme public figures. So much so that a large number of us feel like we can speculate what these individuals lives are truly like and we even get to judge them too.

Other than the fact that I definitely know and have worked with many, many people who suffer from similar symptoms as Robin Williams, and to take a line from that cheesy hair-club infomercial that ran when I was a child, I'm not just the president of The Josh Project, but I'm also a client! The only reason I became involved in this line of work is because I knew how much I struggled with certain things and I didn't have it half as bad as some of the stories I would hear. It was for that reason alone that I decided we had to go back and help as many youth as possible.

I actually toiled with the idea for more than a few days about posting anything regarding Robin Williams, but the more I would read others' posts dissecting and commenting on what it must have been like for him, I felt like I had to say something. If it's one thing the honest medical practitioners and behavioral specialists agree on, its that each case of depression or any other mental/emotional disorder is unique and at the end of the day we only know what that individual tells us, as far as having an accurate picture of what they are experiencing. To this I will simply say that no matter what a man does to imagine/relate to what childbirth is like, there is simply no way that he could actually experience the same feelings, emotions and physical pain of a woman in labor.

For me, the saddest part of this whole suicide is that here was a man who rather than face the demons he had inside and get as much help as he could, he believed his value to this world was by playing the clown. A man who just accepted his fate and everything else was like waiting for the sands of time to run out. I didn't know Robin Williams, but I've known a young man we will call Terry and at 17 years old Terry was a mess.

Inside he only felt darkness and despair and as he explained it to us, each day he felt as if he was a world champion just for making it through another 24 hours. The most interesting part of this story is that Terry was one of the best athletes in his city and he was on a one-way road to stardom, money and a career in professional sports. There was just one problem, Terry felt as if someone else was pulling the strings. He felt as if everyone else wanted this life for him except for him. It was slowly going to kill him and he knew it. But just watch the tears swell up in his eyes as he would describe the joy his parents, friends and even girlfriend had when it came to Terry and his bright future. Terry was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Living the life he wanted to or pleasing a large group of people around him at his own sacrifice.

Believe it or not it took two suicide attempts before Terry's family finally clued in, and thankfully this story has a happy ending. Terry hung up his skates and he went back to the beginning and he and his family re-discovered who Terry is. The scariest part of this story from my perspective is that this is a very familiar story and it starts at a very early age.

The truth of the matter, and I will probably upset more than a few with this next comment, is that an individual suffering from anything mental is the ONLY person on the planet that is capable of turning it around! Prescription drugs are a band-aid fix and more times than not they lead to more problems than the individual had in the first place. It's honestly one of those scenario's where if you haven't "been there and done that", you will never understand. For an individual that has never known what it's like to suffer from a mental or emotional disorder, trust me when I say you have ZERO idea what it is really like.

This next point might get a little much for some, but I'm only doing the best I can to articulate a point, which I believe to be of great significance. It is in no way, shape or form a medical diagnosis or anything remotely along those lines. It is simply my thoughts on a very controversial and truthfully unknown topic. I'm certain we can all understand when I talk about the little voices in all our heads. The good and the bad. Just like in every cartoon we have ever watched where the character has a mini angel version and a devil version of themselves show up on their shoulders to see which side will determine the choice the character makes. Obviously this is an exaggerated version, but not too far from the truth. When a person has a mental disorder, in my humble opinion, they are losing the battle with these voices. They are no longer in control. That is why we give them medication. We are trying to shut the voices off. The only problem is we typically turn that individual into a walking zombie because turning off those voices tends to turn off a whole lot more as well.

If I had one wish it would be that we have some sort of safe and easy, early detection/assessment program in place so we could determine which children need our help more than others. I also wish that we would remove stigmas and negativity surrounding these issues and make it more accommodating and less intrusive to ask for help. But in all honesty, I wish that we would all stop lying to ourselves and stop ever thinking for one minute that life is supposed to be smooth, easy or a piece of cake. We must teach our youth that preparation is the best solution for any problem. Therefore we tell them there will be hurt, crap, pain, trouble, bad people, drugs, alcohol, and much more and if we can make our youth accept these things rather than try to convince them they don't exist or only happen to bad people, maybe just maybe these youth will stop taking minor things such as a boy or girl breaking up with them as something to die over!

As my son and I watched Robin Williams in RV last night, a family favorite, my son turned to me and said, "You know dad, Robin Williams is one of the best ever, it's too bad we won't get to see any new movies, but isn't it great that we have all the old ones to remember him by!"

I couldn't have said it better myself. The world lost an incredible light recently and I hope these moments become fewer and further between.

Thank you for your time. 

Reputation

I know, I know, it's been way too long since my last blog, or if you are on the other side of the fence, it hasn't been long enough :)

Either way I'm back and I'd like to think better than ever, but as always I'm happy to have the opportunity to share some thoughts with you all.

The other day and many, many times over the past 4 or 5 years I have found myself dealing with the word "reputation" a whole lot. Obviously with the youth work we do, reputation is something we talk about, but not nearly enough. As adults and as leaders I feel it is our duty to explain to the youth just how crucial a reputation can and should be.

If I could speak to it everyday it would never be enough, because once you have a bad reputation it is the hardest thing to change. You are asking a large group of individuals to ignore what comes so naturally, which is having a "knee-jerk" reaction. Unfortunately psychology teaches us that without immense work and some times shock therapy, it is extremely difficult to change pathways of thought in our brains. For example, if you had been bitten and subsequently terrified of dogs due to an attack when you were a child, every time you come around a dog it's typical that you react based on something that happened all those years ago. So in other words, for most individuals if they see a person they went to high school with after more than 10 years has passed, it's amazing how quickly you will perceive that person to be the exact same as they were when you knew them in school.

I for one have always lived by the rule that if you can't change others, which you can't, it's probably best to change yourself or your outlook. I don't know about any of you, but for me it's easier to just know who I am and believe in it fully, then to try and convince anyone of something they'd rather not bother with. If actions speak the loudest than hopefully people can see you for who you have become, but again there is psychology involved and when you take me for example, there are many people who know about my checkered past and even with all the work I have done, they would rather believe that there has to be a bad reason for me to be doing all this good. I know it sounds crazy just typing it, but trust me it happens far too often.

For many years I would internalize all that and somehow look at myself in the mirror and doubt my own intentions. Then I smashed that mirror and got a new one that worked!! It's not about what anyone else thinks, says or does that should determine the choices you make. If I do something that another person doesn't like, I have no problem discussing it with them, but trust me that if I am not doing anything wrong, I don't care if you like what I do or not. I wasn't put on this planet and neither were any of you, to make others feel better about themselves. You know the old adage that if I'm a liar, I'm naturally going to believe everyone lies to me, well the same rule applies here. If someone doesn't like the fact that I have turned my life around and now I'm dedicated to helping others, maybe its about them not turning something around? Maybe it's about them knowing inside they could be doing more and because they see me doing more they automatically feel crappy inside, and who wants to point the finger at themselves?

All this brings me back to probably the most important lesson we can teach our youth and I'd even like to remove the word teach and replace it with guide. I don't know about you, but I much prefer learning from a guide than I do a teacher. Just something about the wording and the reaction I have to teachers ;) We need to guide our youth to making the right choices and then we need to be there for them regardless if they make the right choices or not. The moment a negative reputation begins to form, it's already too late.

NEVER FORGET THIS:

The worst part about getting a bad reputation when you're young, is not convincing others that it's not true, it's about convincing yourself!!





When you look in the mirror the reputation you see for yourself must be the truest representation of who you are or there will be repercussions. Never let another persons opinion of you change your own. As adults this sounds simple, but think back to when you were a child and if a few family members always commented on how you are the clumsy one, I wonder how many of you still perceive yourselves to be the clumsy ones.

Wishing everyone a very Happy Canada Day and as always I thank you for taking the time. If you like what we do, please support in anyway. As always we can be found at www.TheJoshProject.com.

Love and Light!

Hockey 4 Heroes

What's that old saying, "a funny thing happened on the way to work", or something along those lines? Well a few months ago a gentleman by the name of Joe Arko contacted me through Facebook and what has transpired since has to be one of the most amazing and unbelievable moments in my life thus far! Joe's first few words to me included asking if we could do a fundraiser together because he found me on Facebook and when he clicked on our Josh Project Page, he believed there was some sort of "magical & mystical" connection that was bringing us together for this purpose. Since that day Joe and I have embarked on a partnership, friendship and brotherhood that has once again reminded me of how amazing this world and universe work.

Joe wanted to make good on a previous attempt to host a Pro's vs Joe's, no pun intended, Hockey event for charity and we were looking to host our first fundraiser, so after our very first meeting where it was clear to us both we were brought together for this specific reason, Hockey 4 Heroes (www.Hockey4Heroes) was born!

From the onset our backs were against the wall as every "party planner" company or individual we contacted told us we were crazy and that an event of this magnitude would take at least 8-12 months to properly pull off. This is when I of course smiled and told Joe that the world hadn't seen the likes of Joe & Josh yet and what we are truly capable of. Let's just say our event is scheduled for May 3, 2014 and we managed to get everything done in less than 2 months!! Side note because I am me, let this be a quick reminder of one of the lessons I preach, "Nothing in this world is impossible unless you believe it is!"

In an attempt to keep this blog short, I want to mention the amazing support from so many special individuals, including a very special shout out to Channa Serenity Bromley, who has been instrumental in assisting with this event in so many ways for no other reason then she has a huge heart and loves helping youth. None of what we are doing would be possible without each and every one of you. We thank you from the bottom of our hearts for helping us making our dreams a reality.

Lastly this is the informal launch of our new website at www.Hockey4Heroes.com and our very special "Wall of Heroes", which are a collection of supporters sharing their personal thoughts on what it is to be a hero. Our attempt is to get as many videos as humanly possible. On top of friends and family, we have been fortunate enough to have videos from Canadian Olympian Josh Binstock, UFC stars Nate "The Rock" Quarry & Cheick Kongo and a special video from Marco Belchier the goalie from the movie "Goon". It was one of these videos that led to a most amazing moment in my life.

Nate Quarry, who had always been one of my favorite UFC stars, not only provided an amazing video, but our follow up communications filled me with pride as for a moment it felt pretty amazing to be sharing thoughts and thank you's with someone I looked at as a hero and well accomplished man. I asked Nate if I could share some of the email he sent to me because if I had it my way I would shout his story from the tallest rooftops to get to the most people possible! I asked Nate if he could imagine all the people we could help if more celebrities, athletes, politicians and other members of the public spotlight shared stories of struggles, tragedy, pain and then the triumphs that followed and we both agreed it could be epic. That's when I decided screw "could", this WILL BE EPIC!!

Here is a look at some of what Nate shared with us and as always if there is anyway you would like to be involved, support or even add a video of yourself, that would be amazing and we can be reached at Info@Hockey4Heroes.com or you can contact me at Joshua@TheJoshProject.com

"Joshua,
More than happy to shoot a video for you and your great cause. Thank YOU for everything that you're doing to help kids. I WAS that kid that got picked on daily. I was skinny with acne, hair parted down the middle, big thick glasses that were broken constantly so they had black tape on them AND was in the cult of Jehovah's Witnesses so I wasn't allowed to have any friends at school or play any sports.

They were rough years but I got by by believing in myself and having interests outside of the battlefield that was my school. Without that belief in myself and being able to escape that I'm sure I would have been an angry alcoholic until I died. I'm sure you know people that are stuck back in school. Not me. The best thing about a crappy childhood is that every day afterwards just keeps getting better and better. I didn't "peak" in high school.

In fact, I was asked to speak at a TEDx talk in San Francisco. And the topic was bravery. And I was very honest about how un-brave I can be. But those feelings of fear or nervousness are very common, it's what you do with them that counts.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kjYX4iKgT7E

I think that talking to kids about overcoming bullying is great but then there's also talking directly to the bullies. Letting them know that their actions aren't cool or acceptable.

I know there's the whole, "it gets better" campaign but I feel that telling children to endure isn't a solution. You wouldn't tell an abused woman that men die sooner than them and just to wait it out. When a kid has interests that the bullies can't touch and a whole different world where his self esteem comes from then the bullies don't matter. Just like the haters on the internet. If you don't have haters you haven't done anything with your life. And I could get really angry at some loser on his couch that I'll never meet or I can ignore them. Because it really is a case of words never hurting me. And that all comes from self esteem.

Thanks for allowing me to be a part of the Josh Project. It's important work. And I'd be happy to attend events with you. That would be a great honor and gives me a chance to be a part of something bigger than my self.

Nate"


Please assist us with this amazing event and of course make sure you come!!! There will be Music, Entertainment, Kids shows, FunZone, Licensed Food & Beverage Area, www.MysticDrumz.com is bringing their renowned "The Legend of Marshmallow Island" show and did we mention the Road Hockey Tournament as well? The whole family needs to come on out and have an extremely amazingly fun day all in support of local youth!!

Things Aren't Always As They Seem

The other day I was sent a story about a teacher and a student she encounters. I'm not sure whether or not the story is real, but I could care less. The story was eerily similar to a lot of what we try to promote and if nothing else it just puts a smile on your face and warms your entire core. I think it's important to not allow ourselves to just brush this story off as fairytale or impossible. Don't you think a story like this is a lot more believable then a story of high school Vampires? Yet this day and age we have more people talking about the possibility of actual vampires then we have talking about this connection between to individuals, which probably takes place everyday around the world. Too bad it's not Hollywood enough!


"As she stood in front of her 5th grade class on the very first day of school, she told the children an untruth. Like most teachers, she looked at her students and said that she loved them all the same. However, that was impossible, because there in the front row, slumped in his seat,was a little boy named Teddy Stoddard.

Mrs. Thompson had watched Teddy the year before and noticed that he did not play well with the other children, that his clothes were messy and that he constantly needed a bath. In addition, Teddy could be unpleasant. It got to the point where Mrs. Thompson would actually take delight in marking his papers with a broad red pen, making bold X's and then putting a big 'F' at the top of his papers.

At the school where Mrs. Thompson taught, she was required to review each child's past records and she put Teddy's off until last. However, when she reviewed his file, she was in for a surprise.
Teddy's first grade teacher wrote, 'Teddy is a bright child with a ready laugh. He does his work neatly and has good manners... He is a joy to be around..'

His second grade teacher wrote, 'Teddy is an excellent student, well liked by his classmates, but he is troubled because his mother has a terminal illness and life at home must be a struggle.'
 
His third grade teacher wrote, 'His mother's death has been hard on him. He tries to do his best, but his father doesn't show much interest, and his home life will soon affect him if some steps aren't taken.'
 
Teddy's fourth grade teacher wrote, 'Teddy is withdrawn and doesn't show much interest in school. He doesn't have many friends and he sometimes sleeps in class.'

By now, Mrs. Thompson realized the problem and she was ashamed of herself. She felt even worse when her students brought her Christmas presents, wrapped in beautiful ribbons and bright paper, except for Teddy's. His present was clumsily wrapped in the heavy, brown paper that he got from a grocery bag. Mrs. Thompson took pains to open it in the middle of the other presents. Some of the children started to laugh when she found a rhinestone bracelet with some of the stones missing, and a bottle that was one-quarter full of perfume.. But she stifled the children's laughter when she exclaimed how pretty the bracelet was, putting it on, and dabbing some of the perfume on her wrist. 
Teddy Stoddard stayed after school that day just long enough to say, 'Mrs. Thompson, today you smelled just like my Mom used to.'

After the children left, she cried for at least an hour. On that very day, she quit teaching reading, writing and arithmetic. Instead, she began to teach children. Mrs. Thompson paid particular attention to Teddy. As she worked with him, his mind seemed to come alive. The more she encouraged him, the faster he responded.. By the end of the year, Teddy had become one of the smartest children in the class and, despite her lie that she would love all the children the same, Teddy became one of her 'teacher's pets..'

A year later, she found a note under her door, from Teddy, telling her that she was the best teacher he ever had in his whole life.
 
Six years went by before she got another note from Teddy. He then wrote that he had finished high school, third in his class, and she was still the best teacher he ever had in life.
 
Four years after that, she got another letter, saying that while things had been tough at times, he'd stayed in school, had stuck with it, and would soon graduate from college with the highest of honors. He assured Mrs. Thompson that she was still the best and favorite teacher he had ever had in his whole life.
 
Then four more years passed and yet another letter came. This time he explained that after he got his bachelor's degree, he decided to go a little further. The letter explained that she was still the best and favorite teacher he ever had. But now his name was a little longer.... The letter was signed, Theodore F. Stoddard, MD.
 
The story does not end there. You see, there was yet another letter that spring. Teddy said he had met this girl and was going to be married. He explained that his father had died a couple of years ago and he was wondering if Mrs. Thompson might agree to sit at the wedding in the place that was usually reserved for the mother of the groom. Of course, Mrs. Thompson did. And guess what? She wore that bracelet, the one with several rhinestones missing. Moreover, she made sure she was wearing the perfume that Teddy remembered his mother wearing on their last Christmas together.

They hugged each other, and Dr. Stoddard whispered in Mrs. Thompson's ear, 'Thank you Mrs. Thompson for believing in me.. Thank you so much for making me feel important and showing me that I could make a difference.'
 
Mrs. Thompson, with tears in her eyes, whispered back.. She said, 'Teddy, you have it all wrong. You were the one who taught me that I could make a difference. I didn't know how to teach until I met you.'


Now I know the ending definitely sounds a bit like an after-school special, but based on the way society is currently, I think I'd much rather focus my attention on a fairytale such as this, then some of the reality that we face.

Let's all do our best to give people the benefit of the doubt, it may just surprise you the result!

Have a great day!

The Ego - part 1

In truth I have been avoiding this subject for a very long time and for good reason. The ego is such an incredibly vast and rather unknown or speculated subject and yet I am now forced to share my thoughts on this incredible piece of life saving and life threatening equipment we all have at our disposal.

As you may have already noticed this is going to be Part 1 of the Ego post and that is because I want to focus on just 2 aspects of the ego: Negative & Positive. In keeping with the way I was raised I figure we will start with the bad news and end with the good! To be clear, I believe my own ego has served me well and not so well over the years and I also believe that the more we can be aware of this tricky little guy, the better prepared we are to deal with him.

I also mentioned that I avoided this subject and that now I am forced to share. The reason is simple. As is typically the case with me, I had an epiphany of sorts or the Universe just decided to "tell" me, it was time. The way this happened is that I was shown the purest example of how dangerous and glorious the ego can be and thus I am forced to share. What's that saying we grew up with...oh yeah, "Sharing is caring!" How did we forget that one? Nowadays it's almost like its a disease to share. I don't want to hear your problems and you definitely don't want to hear mine! Why not??? Maybe if we started talking with others about our problems and they in turn did the same, maybe we would actually solve a few more problems I'm thinking?? Mathematically speaking, I'm pretty certain the odds of success grow exponentially when we try something as opposed to not trying at all. What's that golf saying? "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." Sounds pretty comparable to me.

Now back to the ego and the event which propelled me to write this post. I watched a man literally cost himself and his business hundreds of thousands of dollars all because he couldn't get his ego in check. We've all heard "you can't have your cake and eat it to", well I can honestly tell you I have tried everything in my power to prove this statement false. So far, I haven't been able to accomplish that goal. This I believe is a saying that is directly linked to the workings of our ego. For it's my ego that tells me I can get the deal I want for $1000 and then its my ego that adds, "well I bet I can get that attractive salesperson to sleep with me too". As soon as I try to put that part of the plan into effect, I blow the whole deal. Now obviously there are many other ways that scene could have played out, but I was using this as a very general example.

If we could actually separate our true thoughts and feelings from those of our ego, an amazing thing can happen. It's almost as if you watch a scene from a movie play out and your conscious mind can literally map out what will happen based on what your ego does and how you decide to follow it. The negative Ego is responsible for so much hurt, pain and wrong doing it's unreal. The most dangerous aspect of our Ego is that it leads us to believe that we are individuals and not part of a "Super team" of sorts. Nonsense. We were made to work together, live together, celebrate together and so on. Notice how the main theme in all that was "together"? We were not made to be by ourselves, we were made to come together and thrive as a group, but this can not be done when negative ego is present.

 I work in the youth charity industry and I can honestly tell you how sad this industry is because the individuals in charge are consumed by ego and therefore the work that should be done is not getting done because of these egotistical behaviors. There are thousands upon thousands of youth charities alone and if we think about this again from a math stand point, it's pretty startling. If everyday thousands of charitable organizations are all spending the majority of their time, resources and energy raising money & creating awareness for the cause, how are the youth getting what these charities have established themselves for in the first place?

Why is it that if there are only 10 youth charities in let's say, Ontario, Canada, they are all fighting each other for the same amount of money? Wouldn't it make sense that if all 10 of these organizations were truly established in order to help youth that they would come together and all form a team like, "The Justice League" or "The Avengers"? I know it's a crazy analogy, but could you imagine if Superman and Batman started to fight over who saved more people? Or if Wonder Woman and Hawk-girl started to fight over who was prettier and who had a better body? I'm sure I could provide you with plenty of somewhat humorous comparisons, but hopefully my point doesn't get lost. If the Superheroes were driven by Ego very little "saving & rescuing" would be done as it would be replaced by "arguments & pissing contests" or maybe they would just realize how superior they all are and they'd just rule the world instead of protecting it. All this just because of ego?

Every kid in the world would stand up and freak out at their televisions if the superheroes ever behaved in the manners I just described, so why as regular, plain humans do we get a free pass? Maybe we haven't received a free pass and our children have been yelling at us for years to wake up! What do we do with those kids??? We put them on a prescription pill and tell them they have ADD or ADHD and they don't deal well with authority! Guess what everyone, that is your EGO talking and that is why are EGO can be so dangerous! Our ego's allow us to dismiss what others think or say because we are superior. Our ego's cause us to stop building a school for the homeless because we can't decide whose name goes up in gold letters to let the world know who built the school?? Seriously?!?! Ego's keep organizations with the same missions & goals apart because instead of sharing the money and working as a team, we prefer to be "The One". The only place where there is the "One" is in movies. Nothing in this world is singular. Everything and everyone is connected. So even if there was the idea of "The One", that "One" would need a lot of support from a lot of individuals that weren't the "One". See what I'm saying? If the One needs millions in order to accomplish his or her goals, then guess what, THEY ARE NOT THE ONE, THEY ARE THE MILLION AND ONE!!!

I'm here to help all youth and I try everyday to put my negative ego in check. I am asking any and all individuals who want to see change to stop picking and choosing. Stop supporting 3 different charities per year and then 3 new ones every year after and actually put your efforts into one. One that you believe in and one where you see the direct results of the efforts you put in. If we could all put our egos in check and realize that we don't have to be the one person in the room who is supporting the best and most worth while charity, we just all have to be the ones that are supporting a charity that does what it promises. Maybe enough of giving money, and I mean trillions of dollars, to Cancer research when we know the money isn't going to cancer research, it's going to paying for those amazing lottery prizes and all those executives salaries!! Let's give money to someone in our backyard who actually shows up in our backyard and does the promised work.

As always I thank you for entertaining my thoughts and opinions and if there is anything you'd like to add, share or comment on, please do so. If you enjoyed what you read, please do your best to share it.

Perception Re-visited

Way back when I first began this journey on my true life path, I posted a blog titled "Perception". It was originally posted April 29/2012 and needless to say, a lot has changed for me and a lot has probably changed for all of you and the world we inhabit together. Due largely in part to the phenomenon just mentioned and of course thanks to a few recent happenings, I am once again "moved" to re-visit this most amazing topic of perception. All things being equal, I could probably post about perception daily as obviously it controls each and every one of us and what we do, see and think. Make no mistake about it, Perception is reality and if we can gain control over our perception, just imagine how amazing life could be?

I know you've heard it before and I'm certain that you've blown it off before too, because so have I, but it really is this simple. If I open my eyes in the morning and I immediately notice a foot of new fallen snow, I automatically have two ways of looking at it. I could have a positive outlook and I could have a negative outlook, but the CHOICE is mine! Nobody else, including God, has the ability to choose for YOU!!! It's me alone who looks at the snow and starts grumbling about all the shoveling, slush, traffic, etc., when I could look at the same snow and see beauty. I could see an opportunity to get a good physical workout without having to sit in a gym and lift weights, all while being surrounded by the beauty of the snow storm, I could see it as an awesome way to bring my family together and go sledding or we could build a snow fort. Last but not least, anything I do in the snow can be capped off by coming inside for a warm cup of Cocoa.

It may seem ridiculous and so simple and maybe that's why so many of us choose to write it off as not being possible. All it takes is training, just like anything else you want to incorporate into your daily routine. If I want to eat healthier it isn't going to happen over night and I better believe that my taste buds and brain waves are not going to take to kindly to the massive change either. If you don't believe it, just try asking a child to trade chocolate for a carrot and see how they react. That is essentially what goes on inside for adults, but we don't see it. Even if you think that because you are an adult you can reason with yourself better, you're only part right. While as an adult you may find it easier to choose the carrot over chocolate, it will still take work! Put it to the test, try to add the simplest thing into your daily routine and keep track of how many times you forget or don't do it, or....But don't get discouraged. Keep at it and eventually if you want it bad enough it will happen.

Even as I have undertaken this journey I still have many moments of doubt and while in the past I would have let it get the better of me, I now see it more clearly and it almost makes me smile to know I dance around the doubt and make it explode before my very eyes. I was so close to so many big things in the past and I let my fears and doubts change my perception and from that moment I was doomed. This time around I am in control of my perception and thus my reality. This time I asked the Universe and everyone around me to support my dreams, to assist me in the realization of those dreams and to ensure that I continue to have the strength to push forward no matter the obstacles I may face. I decided that whatever was going to come my way while on this current path, that I would face it head on and NEVER leave this path no matter what! That is the difference and I can tell you that the Universe and everyone around me has responded with a massive "HELL YA", we are here for you!

The proof would have to be my latest venture, which I am so excited to share with you all. The Universe told an amazing man named Joe Arko that he had to reach out to me and he did. What has transpired over the last couple of weeks is nothing short of watching the miracle of life literally unfold before your very eyes. It's like the puzzle you have been working on your whole life finally became clear. We are embarking on our first annual Hockey For Heroes Fundraiser and I am so blessed because I asked that I be given the chance to shine, and show what I am capable of if given the opportunity. Joe has provided me with this opportunity and I will rise to the occasion because I am the one who dedicated myself to all of this, I asked for all of this and now I'm going to execute it. Sounds like any other good blueprint if you ask me.

I hope everyone out there can begin to take control of their perception and truly see how amazing life can be. If you need assistance or are curious to see if it's even possible to achieve such things, I am willing to offer Free 45 minute consults until the end of March/2014 to anyone who is ready to start getting what they truly want. I am ready to help as many people as I can. Take advantage of this truly amazing offer and contact us if you would like to begin the newest and best chapter of your life!!

I can be reached at Joshua@JoshuaStern.ca for anyone who would like to see what a life coach can bring to the table!

Much love to you all.

Words to Remember!

It's quite rare that I decide to post another persons words, but I was so moved this morning that I just had to share.

According to the post I found it said that George Carlin is responsible for these words, but upon further research it appears as if they may belong to another. Regardless of who they belong to, and in ways I have been saying all this for a couple of years now, but I wish they were my words. I implore you to take a few moments, especially with the New Year right around the corner, and let these words resonate with you. Let these words remind you of what is truly important and what is not.

I wish each and everyone of you a fantastic, safe and of course prosperous New Year!! This year instead of making a ridiculous resolution that means nothing and has zero chance of accomplishment how about find a way to just do one thing in 2014 that you have never done before and try to help just one person in a way you've never tried before! I think if we all tried something along those lines, just imagine how amazing 2014 could truly be :)

Here is the post I want to share with you all:

       The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.

Remember to spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

And always remember, life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by those moments that take our breath away.

I choose life! What about you?

On a daily basis we are taking so much in externally is it really any surprise that we struggle so much as independent individuals? I don't know about any of you, but up until about 2 years ago I struggled to make some of the simplest life decisions. It would literally cripple me to purchase a clothing item because swirling around in my head were thoughts of; am I getting the best deal, is this the right fabric, were these jeans made in a sweatshop and a wide variety of others. Finally it occurred to me that the reason I was struggling so much was because many of the thoughts swirling around my head were not my own!

This was one of the major factors in my decision to get more in touch with my inner-self. I wanted freedom from all the regurgitated crap that we are all so accustom to, yet I fear the majority of us don't even realize that much of the things we carry around with us on a daily basis do not belong to us. Would you ever make it a daily exercise to drag around another persons 100 pound suitcase? Hopefully you all scoffed at that idea, yet on a mental and emotional level that is precisely what is happening.

I think it's about time that we pay more attention to what's going on inside and ignore a lot of what's going on outside. In case there is any confusion, by outside influences I mean radio, television, media, newspapers, other people and even our own eyes. Even though we see with our eyes, we process with our brains, so believe it or not, unless you train yourself accordingly, your brain tells you what you are seeing before your eyes ever get a chance. In other words we are allowing all these outside influences to determine the way we live as individuals. Doesn't that sound crazy?

I know it sounds a little strange and I know it sounds difficult but if you look at humanity on the whole, look how much more we were capable of in the past. The main reason for this is because they didn't have as many distractions. In the past you had no idea what was going on an hour away from you. There was no news, no radio, no way to easily travel back and forth and so people had more time to be in-touch with themselves. Large groups were able to accomplish amazing feats because they were all focused on one common goal. We have lost touch with this amazing ability because nowadays within 60 seconds I can easily find out what is happening on the other side of the globe. With so much horror and information to take in, why would I ever need to know what is truly going on inside of me?

Think about it like this, if you were hungry and you wanted to fill your appetite, would you hand a hot dog to another person, ask them to eat it for you and then you'd ask how it tastes and what the feeling of being full is like? I know, it sounds absolutely ridiculous, yet in our everyday lives we do things just like this. If I have a dream of what I want to be or goals I want to accomplish, at the end of the day, why would I ever tell my dreams to someone else and expect them to feel the same way about them as I do? My dream is mine and your dream is yours. It's like me expecting anybody else in the world to have the same connection I do with my child, it's just not possible. Another way of thinking about it is if you wanted to write a book and become a successful writer, would you want to get advice from someone who had tried unsuccessfully to get one book published over a 30 year span?

We are taught to believe that for the most part we are all the same. Well if you are using your eyes properly and you are actually processing what is really going on around you, would you ever tell someone that we are all the same? If we can agree that this world we live in is a crazy, backwards, amazing and beautiful mystery all wrapped into one, what do you want to do while we are here? Do you want to figure out why water is wet and why the sky is blue, or are you willing to accept that there are many questions you can't have answers to and so just find where you fit and spend as much time there as you can? That is one of the main thoughts we try to influence the youth to incorporate in their daily lives. So many of the youth we work with get so caught up in the "yellow tape" that they never actually make it to the real scene of the crime. If kids are worried about where the next meal is coming from or why the government seems so corrupt, how are we going to teach them to focus on doing something positive and worth while. The majority of them shrug their shoulders and say "What's the point?" We are the ones that have to show them what the "point" is!

I think we have way too many individuals that are literally comparable to a dog trying to catch its own tail. I don't even mean it in a negative way, its not our fault, but if we spend our time marching to the beat of other peoples drums, how do we ever expect to get where WE are heading? I know I live in a crazy world and I know things will not work out the way I expect most of the time, but the important part is that I'm okay with that and it doesn't get in the way of me achieving what I am here to achieve! For a second, please indulge this next rant. If we are actually beings that came to earth with a specific plan for our lives, how easy would you say it is to get distracted the moment you arrive? It's like me telling a 5 year old to walk from the entrance of Toys R Us all the way to the back of the store in less than 5 minutes, without stopping. How many kids do you think would be successful? Even if you had the greatest and most important task to achieve while you are here on earth, the moment you arrive you are surrounded by a proverbial Amusement Park full of distractions. We are almost set up to fail based on the way things seem, but I am here to tell you if we get back to internalizing things, we may not find it such an impossible task to achieve our dreams. I have learned how to turn my dreams into reality and everyone has the ability to do the same and we want to teach you!

Even in my line of work most organizations promote a message of ending bullying or putting a stop to bullying, whereas when we work with youth our focus is to help them deal and cope with bullying because much like other things in our lives, its something that as long as humans exist, so will bullying. Let's stop with the smoke and mirrors and as opposed to telling people that we can get rid of something, why not teach them how to live with it instead? Do you think you'd have more success keeping drugs away from your teenage child or would you have more success talking to them and preparing them for WHEN the drugs are present? I don't know about you, but if we can't solve the war on drugs, the war on terrorism, the war on..., I doubt we will have any more success fighting the war on bullying. Let's accept that it is a part of daily life and teach people how to prepare, avoid and  cope with it. That way we can move on.


I'm not a religious man, but I am a student of religion and the subject fascinates me. One thing that hopefully we can agree on is that god or whatever supreme being is responsible for all this, has truly only guaranteed us two things, life and death. It's up to us which one we choose and I can't speak for everyone, but I feel I am part of the small percentage who is still choosing life. If you actually thought about it, which one have you chosen?



As always your comments and feedback are essential to us being successful with our initiatives, so please, let's get talking!!

To find out more or to realize your own full potential, please reach out to Joshua@JoshuaStern.ca and you can visit www.JoshuaStern.ca for more.


Thank you again and much love and light to you all.

Competing for who has it worse?

If the title of this post has you scratching your head or scrunching your face, I accomplished exactly what I set out to do! I know how ridiculous it sounds and it most certainly must be just as ridiculous to read, but yet it's a reality we face everyday with the youth we work with. I may have mentioned it in a previous post, but watching kids physically fight over who had it worse growing up, has to be one of the more mind boggling events I can recall. Obviously the feelings and emotions that were brought out of these kids were their own, but the reasons behind them were not. The fuel that fired their actions was the result of society's ruling of "who has it worse".

If for example the news outlets consistently report about kids getting in trouble from low income neighborhoods, yet ignores some of the very same scenarios in more affluent parts of town, we automatically get a very skewed version of the truth. We work with kids from every walk of life, all backgrounds and very different income brackets and we keep hearing them say the same things. A girl who grew up pretty and skinny could never have it as bad as a girl who grew up over weight and unattractive and a kid who grew up with parents could never suffer as much as a kid who grew up with one or no parents. I don't think I need to continue, but I want to make it clear that it's these types of mentality's amongst our youth, which make it difficult for them to reach out for help. Not only that, but it's just not true.

If society believes that because you're pretty, popular and live in a wealthy area that you should have little or nothing to complain about, why would you ever reach out for help? If you have a different skin color you automatically have it worse, so what should a "white boy" ever have to complain about. Do you know how many times I've heard that one? If perception is reality and we can agree on that, can't we see that all this judging and grouping is completely unnecessary? Who cares what someone else thinks about how you feel. The last time a loved one hurt your feelings, would it make you feel better or worse if they told you that you were being silly and that there is no way THEY could have hurt YOUR feelings? Do you realize what I'm saying? Who gives a $%&@#& what anyone else thinks about your feelings!! If I tell you I am deathly afraid of lady bugs, I don't care how ridiculous you think that makes me, they are my feelings. Should I have to explain to anyone that when I was a kid I had horrible nightmares of being overcome by thousands upon thousands of ladybugs and when my mother killed herself and I found her, there were ladybugs all over her and ever since those two events I get pretty crazy when I see a ladybug? Now that my story has been validated by you is it okay that I have this fear? How crazy does that sound?

I recently received a letter from a youth I've been mentoring for almost 2 years and on top of bringing out a few emotions of my own that weighed in, the majority of why I wrote this post was because of his piece. With his permission I am letting you have a glimpse of what he wrote because it brought tears to my eyes and reminded me once again of what is important and what is not.

         "Dear Josh,

          ....It's been a little while since we last spoke but I wanted to fill you in on life at the shelter. It's kind of funny because I thought that running away and leaving my past behind would help, but as you and many older peeps already know, it don't work that way lol. So you obviously remember how I told you about how bad it was with my mom and my dad and what my school life was like, well now I have it just as bad, if not worse. 

When anyone from the shelter finds out that my parents have money, nice cars, and they live in a nice neighborhood, I automatically get shitted on. Is that even a word, shitted on, haha? Then all over again I get bullied, excluded, made fun of, you know all the usual. I try to tell these kids that I had it bad and all that other crap doesn't matter, but they just laugh and tell me to go buy someone to care. I swear it makes me want to snap again. I want to go mental on these kids, but then guess what, right back again to the beginning. Where I'm the maniac, I'm the evil one, I'm the one who is out of control. 

I don't know what more I can do. Its not only the kids, even most of the staff treat me different. Some have told me to get over what has happened and just "make nice" with my parents so I can go back to "paradise"!! How much I wish I could show these idiots how their idea of "paradise" is actually my "hell" in reality..."

I don't think there is much point in sharing any more of the letter, but hopefully it's clear what we are trying to say. Maybe "don't judge a book by its cover"? Have you heard that one before? You want to know one of the pieces of advice I actually gave this young man of 17 years of age? I told him the next time he is faced with the group of "Fatherless Fuckers" as he likes to refer to them, ask them if they would prefer to grow up hearing nothing everyday or if they would prefer to grow up hearing what a loser, failure and sorry excuse for a human they were everyday? Maybe just maybe they will choose the option of hearing nothing, at which point I told him to flash a bit of a smile and tell them well than maybe it was better growing up without a father than it was growing up with mine.

I'd just like to send a gentle reminder out there and ask that you all try to remember, it has nothing to do with how you feel about a situation or something you said or did to another, it's about how they feel about it. If you want to be the individual who always feels that their actions are justified and that other peoples feelings don't really matter when logic or truth is involved, take it from someone who knows firsthand, it can be a pretty lonely life!

Thank you very much for taking the time to read my blog posts and I appreciate any comments or feedback as always. Please if you like what you read here, become a follower and share with friends. For more information about what we do, you can visit www.HopeHouseYouthCharities.com and contact me at Joshua@HopeHouseYouthCharities.com. For more about Joshua Stern, you can visit www.JoshuaStern.ca