2015 is finally here!!

I can honestly say that 2014 was a roller coaster year for me on a personal and professional level. As the name would imply there were many ups and many downs, many moments of excitement and pure joy, alongside many moments of sadness, fear and disappointment, but what I am most certain of is the fact that like every other time I nervously step on the platform just before strapping myself in for another go-round on the roller-coaster of life, I survived.

Not only did I survive this year, but I'm pretty sure I learned more than I expected and I'm even better prepared for when I take my seat on the 2015 ride and this year I think I'll be sitting in the front car ;)
In other words, no fear for 2015. Of course we all have things that frighten us and there are many things we don't like to think about because of the uncomfortableness it evokes, but regardless of all that, I'm pushing forward no matter what. I will take whatever life has to offer and I will greet it accordingly. You don't decide half way up the mountain that this is a dangerous trek, you anticipate all that can go wrong before you leave. So now that my climb has already begun, there is no point in focusing on anything but arriving at the top.

2014 truly finished with a major bang. Most importantly The Joshua Project Foundation received it's official charitable status and on top of how overwhelmed I am with the accomplishment, it was truly a climb I'm happy I embarked on and completed, it was one of the scariest adventures I ever completed. All things totaled The Josh Project has been operating for over 3 years on fumes and essentially everything I had financially, emotionally and spiritually. To find out in the earlier part of 2014 that the CRA was denying my lawyer assisted application to obtain charitable status was a major shot to the chest. I had invested time, money and a lot of energy with our legal team and I was completely beside myself that this could happen. Maybe its part of the world we live in where we believe that if we are paying a professional to get the job done, it's going to get done. When I was reading our potential rejection letter, all those thoughts went right out the window.

Obviously my initial reaction was to go see my legal team and let them have it. I was livid and I wanted someone to pay. For one of the first times in my life, before I reacted I had this aha moment where it was almost like a soft voice whispered, "It was you who decided to leave one of the most important aspects of your life in another persons hands, its you who should pay!" Almost instantly I was filled with a feeling of "if I got myself into this mess, I can get out of it." I immediately connected with the person assigned to our application and over the next 6 months I worked diligently and I accomplished what my legal team could not and in half the time. I have yet to experience such a feeling of success in my adult life, other than the feeling I get when I'm around my 7 year old son.

I didn't know what pride in oneself was truly like. The emotions made me feel like I could fly. I was proud of myself and I didn't care who knew. In fact, I never even made mention to my legal team that I was disappointed or anything. I know I was experiencing a lot of growth when I didn't act on that one. It took a lot of self control and self realization to understand that it was pointless and why taint the positivity I was experiencing by sprinkling some negativity on top.

I truly believe I am on the path I was always meant to walk and I truly feel lucky and blessed every day that I have a chance to do this, instead of being in jail, on the streets or dead. I am thankful everyday and now I feel like my mission is just getting started and I have a ton of fuel in the tank. I want the responsibility of showing as many people as possible what we are capable of and what we are going to accomplish through The Josh Project. The first domino has been knocked over, let's just see if they fall as we had planned!!

Bring it on 2015!!

To find out more please visit www.TheJoshProject.com as always without you, none of this would be possible!!

Climbing Your Mountain

I'd like to 1st apologize for the delay between blogs but to be honest, I'm still trying to figure out how to juggle so many things at once and it gets overwhelming at times. I’d also like to mention that I never intended for this to be a daily, weekly or monthly blog, my goal was more about sharing thoughts and important messages as I continue along my journey. This post clearly illustrates the prior sentiment because I recently felt the need to share some of the inner workings of my mind and what I've been going through. The main reason for any of the work I do is simply based on the belief that someone out there will benefit from it and that's why I do it.

Over the past 6-8 weeks a lot of incredible things have been happening for me and I've literally woken up several times wondering if these things are actually real. I am so unaccustomed to feeling this positive about the way my life is heading and I’m guessing that it’s a product of my past experiences where I have let others support of me affect the final outcome. It has been quite the climb thus far and I don’t even think I’m a third of the way up my personal mountain. I think it’s definitely a product of the hard work and dedication I’ve put in, as I attempt to re-program the way I look at things and life in general.

Outside of my struggles to accept that this journey was mine and mine alone, I spent way too many years letting other people dictate the way I perceive things and more importantly, or maybe more detrimentally I allowed people to have too much influence over my personal journey. The first step to taking back ownership of my journey was to accept that at the end of the day anything I have ever fallen short of accomplishing were based on decisions I made. No matter what the contributing factors were, it was only I looking back at myself in the mirror and it took me quite some time to realize that it was I alone who had the final say in my life. My biggest obstacle to overcome is that even at 38 years old, I was still reflecting on the part of my life where maybe I didn’t have as much control as I do now.  By that “part of my life”, I’m referring to my childhood, adolescence and teenage years.

I believe that my lack of accomplishing goals I had set out for myself at a young age made it difficult when I was trying to accomplish things in my early twenties and even into my thirties. I’m pleased to say that I finally have begun to turn the tides and I use some of the frustration and determination I had as a youth in order to push me forward now. For instance, I am truly thankful for all the years I dedicated towards being a professional athlete. The memories I have of trying to hit a tiny square on my garage repeatedly without fail, (My fathers idea on the best way I could increase my chances of being a top tier baseball pitcher) day after day and well into the darkness of night, definitely is a positive accomplishment I can pull strength from. Especially when I consider the success I had as a young baseball player. Unfortunately for many years all I could take from this memory was the disappointment I felt when my family didn’t support my goals/dreams of trying to be a professional pitcher. I literally paid zero attention to all those years of dedication and hard work solely based on the fact that I didn’t make it to the Major Leagues.

It almost sounds like that saying we have definitely all heard countless times before, which is “we can choose to look at the glass half empty or half full”. I was a glass half empty kind of guy for way too long and that to me is one of the most important reasons for my lack of success in the past. Life is constantly a work in progress and I am nowhere near finished, the finish for me is when I die, so in other words I’m hopeful I still have a long way to go. What I can tell you is that for the first time since my athletic days and even then there were other things going on that kept me from fully appreciating every morning, but nowadays I am excited to open my eyes everyday. I am finally aware of the fact that the way you view your world is most likely the way your world will be. Just like how I have mentioned many times in the past how perception IS reality, well this just confirms it for me. If you change your perception of the world you live in, trust me when I tell you the world you live in will change right along with it!

As always, keep climbing no matter what the cost, unless your goal is not to get to the top ;)

Thank you for taking the time to read and share and most importantly thank you for being a part of this journey!

For more please visit www.TheJoshProject.com

 

After The Event!

It's been about 48 hrs since Hockey 4 Heroes this past Saturday and I'm still up in the clouds. I haven't felt this many emotions since the birth of my son 7 years ago. For the past 4 months Hockey 4 Heroes had literally consumed me. I was literally operating on fumes when Saturday finally arrived and as many of you already know, the weather was not looking good.

We had already postponed once and we couldn't postpone again, it was rain or shine! I can't even describe what the drive to the site was like at 6:30am, as I watched out my window praying the rain would hold off. When I arrived the rain followed suit and didn't let up for much of the morning.

On the one hand I was very pleased with what we had pulled together and I couldn't believe how amazing all the volunteers were, but on the other hand I felt a lot of guilt because it was evident from early on that the event wouldn't be the financial success we had hoped for. I felt bad for sponsors who invested time and money and probably didn't get all they had hoped for, but then an amazing thing happened. My son came up to me with another young boy and they had ear to ear grins on their faces. Both of them told me how this was the most amazing thing they had ever seen and with the snap of a finger I remembered exactly why we were hosting this event.

Around 11am the Sun cracked it's way through the sky and Mayor Rick Goldring, MPP Eleanor McMahon and myself handled the opening ceremonies and had a very fun time cutting through our ribbon to signify the start of the first ever Hockey 4 Heroes. The KidsZone was a huge success as kids filled the rides. By far the human hamster ball races and human bowling attractions took the cake as favorite rides. Seeing those kids rolling around in the giant balls was exactly what I needed and had hoped for.

Raina Krangle from Raina's Rainbow got the Sun fully shining with her amazing performance and it was followed by the amazing Lorne Lampert of Mystic Drumz. You want to talk about a guy who is amazing with children audiences, Lorne is that guy. We finished our shows with a performance from PRO Martial Arts and the kids in their uniforms were unbelievable.

Yes it wasn't all that I had hoped for, but I think I got even more than what I expected in many ways. The connections we made, the smiles that were shared and the realization that we can do this and we can do this often, are what made this event so amazing for me. I want to personally thank everyone for all their efforts and support during this crazy time in our lives.

The Josh Project and Hockey 4 Heroes will be back and better than ever next year and we look forward to continuing our journey.

An evening with many meanings

Last night was definitely an evening to remember! I had been asked to speak at Nelsons Youth Centre during their Annual General Meeting. It has to be one of the top honors of my young life. Being chosen to speak in front of such an amazing group of people, whom I could only hope to be in the same category as some day, was truly humbling and amazing.

Since meeting the phenomenal staff at Nelsons Youth Centre many months ago it was clear to me what we had to do. I don't want to name anyone, because I don't want to leave anyone out, they are all incredibly dedicated individuals who greet you with a smile every time you meet. Hockey 4 Heroes was created to assist Nelsons with their annual fundraising requirements and we can only hope that this is the first year of a very successful initiative that can provide some much needed financial help for many years to come.

As much as I would love to only highlight the amazing aspects of yesterday evening, I feel I would be doing myself and many of the youth and people I work with a dis-service if I didn't touch on the intimidating and uncomfortable side of the night. I recently turned 38 years old, however last night just before the majority of the guests and board of directors arrived, I felt as if I was an awkward kid again. I headed directly for the back of the room where the chairs had been set-up, and to make my uncomfortableness clear to anyone who was paying attention, I even chose a single aisle seat so that nobody could sit beside me. I then proceeded to stare at the evening program repeatedly in order to hammer home the anxiousness I was feeling about my impending speech.

Finally the time came and I was introduced to the group. I'm pretty sure I didn't hear a word of it because I was trapped in my own little bubble of childhood fears. As I began to speak I believe I even opened with how nervous and awkward I felt and how I probably resembled a lot of the youth the staff currently work with. I did my very best to focus on the many familiar smiles in the crowd and I just did what I truly believe we all have the ability to do. I shared. Sure I was scared and nervous and I could feel my heart pounding, but I also chose to ignore those feelings and power through.

At the end of the speech we all headed upstairs to mingle and immediately my child version was back. I did everything I could to avoid people, I hung by myself and I found things to do that would not leave me susceptible to any of my fears. Then a young lady I have worked with before came over and we started talking and she had a completely different version of me. She told me how well spoken I was and how confident and passionate I was and how everyone could see it and how she wished that she could do what I did. I obviously enjoyed the compliments for a moment, but quickly I asked her how she could see all that while I described how I truly felt. We both had a good laugh and she finished by telling me she was proud of me.

I scratched my head for a second and then I realized that is the most important thing any of us can do for any other individual and especially our youth! We must remind them each and every day how proud we are of them. How awesome their efforts are and how mistakes are great too because without them we don't learn.

The single most important thing to take from all of this is to always KEEP MOVING FORWARD!!! No matter what, keep pushing. Regardless of what you think, there are many other people with many different thoughts and just because you don't think you are capable of something, that doesn't mean you can't do it! Remember that old movie and song line, "When the going gets tough, the tough gets going!" That is the best piece of advice I can give. Life is going to suck and kick your butt more times than it will ever reward you and you know what, if we can greet those ass-kickings and failures in the same way we greet a friend bringing us a present, I have a feeling we will all be doing just fine!

To find out more about the amazing people at Nelsons Youth Centre Burlington, please visit http://www.nelsonyouthcentres.com/ and of course we can be found at www.TheJoshProject.com

Hope to see you all at Hockey4Heroes on Saturday Sept. 13th an all day street festival to raise money and create more awareness for Nelsons and The Josh Project.

Have a great day :)

Robin Williams

The sudden suicide of Robin Williams is a tragic one for many reasons, but it's significantly magnified when the world looses someone from the public spotlight. We typically tend to feel like we were closer to that individual then we really were. Especially this day and age with all the information at our disposal, we feel like we know something about actors, musicians, professional athletes and other extreme public figures. So much so that a large number of us feel like we can speculate what these individuals lives are truly like and we even get to judge them too.

Other than the fact that I definitely know and have worked with many, many people who suffer from similar symptoms as Robin Williams, and to take a line from that cheesy hair-club infomercial that ran when I was a child, I'm not just the president of The Josh Project, but I'm also a client! The only reason I became involved in this line of work is because I knew how much I struggled with certain things and I didn't have it half as bad as some of the stories I would hear. It was for that reason alone that I decided we had to go back and help as many youth as possible.

I actually toiled with the idea for more than a few days about posting anything regarding Robin Williams, but the more I would read others' posts dissecting and commenting on what it must have been like for him, I felt like I had to say something. If it's one thing the honest medical practitioners and behavioral specialists agree on, its that each case of depression or any other mental/emotional disorder is unique and at the end of the day we only know what that individual tells us, as far as having an accurate picture of what they are experiencing. To this I will simply say that no matter what a man does to imagine/relate to what childbirth is like, there is simply no way that he could actually experience the same feelings, emotions and physical pain of a woman in labor.

For me, the saddest part of this whole suicide is that here was a man who rather than face the demons he had inside and get as much help as he could, he believed his value to this world was by playing the clown. A man who just accepted his fate and everything else was like waiting for the sands of time to run out. I didn't know Robin Williams, but I've known a young man we will call Terry and at 17 years old Terry was a mess.

Inside he only felt darkness and despair and as he explained it to us, each day he felt as if he was a world champion just for making it through another 24 hours. The most interesting part of this story is that Terry was one of the best athletes in his city and he was on a one-way road to stardom, money and a career in professional sports. There was just one problem, Terry felt as if someone else was pulling the strings. He felt as if everyone else wanted this life for him except for him. It was slowly going to kill him and he knew it. But just watch the tears swell up in his eyes as he would describe the joy his parents, friends and even girlfriend had when it came to Terry and his bright future. Terry was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Living the life he wanted to or pleasing a large group of people around him at his own sacrifice.

Believe it or not it took two suicide attempts before Terry's family finally clued in, and thankfully this story has a happy ending. Terry hung up his skates and he went back to the beginning and he and his family re-discovered who Terry is. The scariest part of this story from my perspective is that this is a very familiar story and it starts at a very early age.

The truth of the matter, and I will probably upset more than a few with this next comment, is that an individual suffering from anything mental is the ONLY person on the planet that is capable of turning it around! Prescription drugs are a band-aid fix and more times than not they lead to more problems than the individual had in the first place. It's honestly one of those scenario's where if you haven't "been there and done that", you will never understand. For an individual that has never known what it's like to suffer from a mental or emotional disorder, trust me when I say you have ZERO idea what it is really like.

This next point might get a little much for some, but I'm only doing the best I can to articulate a point, which I believe to be of great significance. It is in no way, shape or form a medical diagnosis or anything remotely along those lines. It is simply my thoughts on a very controversial and truthfully unknown topic. I'm certain we can all understand when I talk about the little voices in all our heads. The good and the bad. Just like in every cartoon we have ever watched where the character has a mini angel version and a devil version of themselves show up on their shoulders to see which side will determine the choice the character makes. Obviously this is an exaggerated version, but not too far from the truth. When a person has a mental disorder, in my humble opinion, they are losing the battle with these voices. They are no longer in control. That is why we give them medication. We are trying to shut the voices off. The only problem is we typically turn that individual into a walking zombie because turning off those voices tends to turn off a whole lot more as well.

If I had one wish it would be that we have some sort of safe and easy, early detection/assessment program in place so we could determine which children need our help more than others. I also wish that we would remove stigmas and negativity surrounding these issues and make it more accommodating and less intrusive to ask for help. But in all honesty, I wish that we would all stop lying to ourselves and stop ever thinking for one minute that life is supposed to be smooth, easy or a piece of cake. We must teach our youth that preparation is the best solution for any problem. Therefore we tell them there will be hurt, crap, pain, trouble, bad people, drugs, alcohol, and much more and if we can make our youth accept these things rather than try to convince them they don't exist or only happen to bad people, maybe just maybe these youth will stop taking minor things such as a boy or girl breaking up with them as something to die over!

As my son and I watched Robin Williams in RV last night, a family favorite, my son turned to me and said, "You know dad, Robin Williams is one of the best ever, it's too bad we won't get to see any new movies, but isn't it great that we have all the old ones to remember him by!"

I couldn't have said it better myself. The world lost an incredible light recently and I hope these moments become fewer and further between.

Thank you for your time. 

Reputation

I know, I know, it's been way too long since my last blog, or if you are on the other side of the fence, it hasn't been long enough :)

Either way I'm back and I'd like to think better than ever, but as always I'm happy to have the opportunity to share some thoughts with you all.

The other day and many, many times over the past 4 or 5 years I have found myself dealing with the word "reputation" a whole lot. Obviously with the youth work we do, reputation is something we talk about, but not nearly enough. As adults and as leaders I feel it is our duty to explain to the youth just how crucial a reputation can and should be.

If I could speak to it everyday it would never be enough, because once you have a bad reputation it is the hardest thing to change. You are asking a large group of individuals to ignore what comes so naturally, which is having a "knee-jerk" reaction. Unfortunately psychology teaches us that without immense work and some times shock therapy, it is extremely difficult to change pathways of thought in our brains. For example, if you had been bitten and subsequently terrified of dogs due to an attack when you were a child, every time you come around a dog it's typical that you react based on something that happened all those years ago. So in other words, for most individuals if they see a person they went to high school with after more than 10 years has passed, it's amazing how quickly you will perceive that person to be the exact same as they were when you knew them in school.

I for one have always lived by the rule that if you can't change others, which you can't, it's probably best to change yourself or your outlook. I don't know about any of you, but for me it's easier to just know who I am and believe in it fully, then to try and convince anyone of something they'd rather not bother with. If actions speak the loudest than hopefully people can see you for who you have become, but again there is psychology involved and when you take me for example, there are many people who know about my checkered past and even with all the work I have done, they would rather believe that there has to be a bad reason for me to be doing all this good. I know it sounds crazy just typing it, but trust me it happens far too often.

For many years I would internalize all that and somehow look at myself in the mirror and doubt my own intentions. Then I smashed that mirror and got a new one that worked!! It's not about what anyone else thinks, says or does that should determine the choices you make. If I do something that another person doesn't like, I have no problem discussing it with them, but trust me that if I am not doing anything wrong, I don't care if you like what I do or not. I wasn't put on this planet and neither were any of you, to make others feel better about themselves. You know the old adage that if I'm a liar, I'm naturally going to believe everyone lies to me, well the same rule applies here. If someone doesn't like the fact that I have turned my life around and now I'm dedicated to helping others, maybe its about them not turning something around? Maybe it's about them knowing inside they could be doing more and because they see me doing more they automatically feel crappy inside, and who wants to point the finger at themselves?

All this brings me back to probably the most important lesson we can teach our youth and I'd even like to remove the word teach and replace it with guide. I don't know about you, but I much prefer learning from a guide than I do a teacher. Just something about the wording and the reaction I have to teachers ;) We need to guide our youth to making the right choices and then we need to be there for them regardless if they make the right choices or not. The moment a negative reputation begins to form, it's already too late.

NEVER FORGET THIS:

The worst part about getting a bad reputation when you're young, is not convincing others that it's not true, it's about convincing yourself!!





When you look in the mirror the reputation you see for yourself must be the truest representation of who you are or there will be repercussions. Never let another persons opinion of you change your own. As adults this sounds simple, but think back to when you were a child and if a few family members always commented on how you are the clumsy one, I wonder how many of you still perceive yourselves to be the clumsy ones.

Wishing everyone a very Happy Canada Day and as always I thank you for taking the time. If you like what we do, please support in anyway. As always we can be found at www.TheJoshProject.com.

Love and Light!

Hockey 4 Heroes

What's that old saying, "a funny thing happened on the way to work", or something along those lines? Well a few months ago a gentleman by the name of Joe Arko contacted me through Facebook and what has transpired since has to be one of the most amazing and unbelievable moments in my life thus far! Joe's first few words to me included asking if we could do a fundraiser together because he found me on Facebook and when he clicked on our Josh Project Page, he believed there was some sort of "magical & mystical" connection that was bringing us together for this purpose. Since that day Joe and I have embarked on a partnership, friendship and brotherhood that has once again reminded me of how amazing this world and universe work.

Joe wanted to make good on a previous attempt to host a Pro's vs Joe's, no pun intended, Hockey event for charity and we were looking to host our first fundraiser, so after our very first meeting where it was clear to us both we were brought together for this specific reason, Hockey 4 Heroes (www.Hockey4Heroes) was born!

From the onset our backs were against the wall as every "party planner" company or individual we contacted told us we were crazy and that an event of this magnitude would take at least 8-12 months to properly pull off. This is when I of course smiled and told Joe that the world hadn't seen the likes of Joe & Josh yet and what we are truly capable of. Let's just say our event is scheduled for May 3, 2014 and we managed to get everything done in less than 2 months!! Side note because I am me, let this be a quick reminder of one of the lessons I preach, "Nothing in this world is impossible unless you believe it is!"

In an attempt to keep this blog short, I want to mention the amazing support from so many special individuals, including a very special shout out to Channa Serenity Bromley, who has been instrumental in assisting with this event in so many ways for no other reason then she has a huge heart and loves helping youth. None of what we are doing would be possible without each and every one of you. We thank you from the bottom of our hearts for helping us making our dreams a reality.

Lastly this is the informal launch of our new website at www.Hockey4Heroes.com and our very special "Wall of Heroes", which are a collection of supporters sharing their personal thoughts on what it is to be a hero. Our attempt is to get as many videos as humanly possible. On top of friends and family, we have been fortunate enough to have videos from Canadian Olympian Josh Binstock, UFC stars Nate "The Rock" Quarry & Cheick Kongo and a special video from Marco Belchier the goalie from the movie "Goon". It was one of these videos that led to a most amazing moment in my life.

Nate Quarry, who had always been one of my favorite UFC stars, not only provided an amazing video, but our follow up communications filled me with pride as for a moment it felt pretty amazing to be sharing thoughts and thank you's with someone I looked at as a hero and well accomplished man. I asked Nate if I could share some of the email he sent to me because if I had it my way I would shout his story from the tallest rooftops to get to the most people possible! I asked Nate if he could imagine all the people we could help if more celebrities, athletes, politicians and other members of the public spotlight shared stories of struggles, tragedy, pain and then the triumphs that followed and we both agreed it could be epic. That's when I decided screw "could", this WILL BE EPIC!!

Here is a look at some of what Nate shared with us and as always if there is anyway you would like to be involved, support or even add a video of yourself, that would be amazing and we can be reached at Info@Hockey4Heroes.com or you can contact me at Joshua@TheJoshProject.com

"Joshua,
More than happy to shoot a video for you and your great cause. Thank YOU for everything that you're doing to help kids. I WAS that kid that got picked on daily. I was skinny with acne, hair parted down the middle, big thick glasses that were broken constantly so they had black tape on them AND was in the cult of Jehovah's Witnesses so I wasn't allowed to have any friends at school or play any sports.

They were rough years but I got by by believing in myself and having interests outside of the battlefield that was my school. Without that belief in myself and being able to escape that I'm sure I would have been an angry alcoholic until I died. I'm sure you know people that are stuck back in school. Not me. The best thing about a crappy childhood is that every day afterwards just keeps getting better and better. I didn't "peak" in high school.

In fact, I was asked to speak at a TEDx talk in San Francisco. And the topic was bravery. And I was very honest about how un-brave I can be. But those feelings of fear or nervousness are very common, it's what you do with them that counts.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kjYX4iKgT7E

I think that talking to kids about overcoming bullying is great but then there's also talking directly to the bullies. Letting them know that their actions aren't cool or acceptable.

I know there's the whole, "it gets better" campaign but I feel that telling children to endure isn't a solution. You wouldn't tell an abused woman that men die sooner than them and just to wait it out. When a kid has interests that the bullies can't touch and a whole different world where his self esteem comes from then the bullies don't matter. Just like the haters on the internet. If you don't have haters you haven't done anything with your life. And I could get really angry at some loser on his couch that I'll never meet or I can ignore them. Because it really is a case of words never hurting me. And that all comes from self esteem.

Thanks for allowing me to be a part of the Josh Project. It's important work. And I'd be happy to attend events with you. That would be a great honor and gives me a chance to be a part of something bigger than my self.

Nate"


Please assist us with this amazing event and of course make sure you come!!! There will be Music, Entertainment, Kids shows, FunZone, Licensed Food & Beverage Area, www.MysticDrumz.com is bringing their renowned "The Legend of Marshmallow Island" show and did we mention the Road Hockey Tournament as well? The whole family needs to come on out and have an extremely amazingly fun day all in support of local youth!!