I have been tinkering with the idea of a "Love" post for quite some time, but for a variety of reasons I hadn't pulled the trigger until now. I must admit that outside of being busy and dealing with life, one of the major reasons for me not getting to this post sooner is that it hits very close to home and I wasn't sure I was ready for feedback that could leave me feeling vulnerable about myself.
It's kind of ironic when you think about it, I have had no problem talking about my sexual assaults as a youngster, my days totting guns and being a criminal, or the struggles I've had with drugs and addiction, but when it comes to the subject of Love, I get nervous and intimidated. It's almost as if there is this constant voice in the back of my head that says, "You're a man, you aren't supposed to feel this way about love, you're not supposed to be soft!"
The moment I begin to talk about those types of emotions it's amazing the way people can react to you. Well I'm here to tell you that I don't buy that for a second, and I'm going against the grain yet again. Just as I believe that it takes a strong man to cry, or ask for help as opposed to never shedding a tear or trying to figure everything out for yourself, I also believe that if I am going to be condemned for the feelings and thoughts I have, so be it. I'd rather be a part of that world than to be a part of a world where I can't say what I think or describe how I feel.
Now I know you have all heard of the saying, "There's a very thin line between love and hate", and I have to tell you that based on my experiences this seems to be one of the most accurate statements I've ever heard. I have done things, had things done to me, witnessed and heard of more than enough horror stories on this topic and I'm sure the majority of you have too. Maybe the problem is that we throw the word around way too loosely, or maybe it's because we love way too many things. Think about it, I love my soup, I love my favourite pair of jeans, I love my mom and I love my son, but I don't love all these things in the same way. Yet we don't have other words to describe the same emotion.
In the past five years, and I'm 36 now, I have heard of and witnessed the most mind boggling things that people, who I can only assume are either extremely hurt or just cruel or nuts, have done to their supposed "loved ones". I clearly am referring to individuals in relationships. From infidelities, to lies and backstabbing for all kinds of reasons, how could love ever drive people to do those things? If there is one thing I am constantly scratching my head about it's gotta be that one. I am aware that my perception only allows me to understand/relate so much, but I have been through my fair share and I have been surrounded by many people who have all gone through some pretty incredible things and yet when it comes to love, I still can't understand how people can do such things. It's worse than a gang war or a drug battle the foul things that people will do who supposedly are or were in love with another. I still am unsure of how you can actually fall out of love with someone. To me, and I know it's only my opinion, but if you loved someone once, you will always love them. If not, maybe it was never really love.
I guess at the end of the day it's just another one of life's many mysteries and to me, you can either spend a life time trying to solve the mystery, or you just move along. Is it really any different from many other aspects of life that can get us down? Look at it this way, lets just say you have been in bad relationship after bad relationship, and we will need another post to discuss what it is about you that leads to these repeat situations, but even if I put that number at 5 bad relationships in a row I want you to think about it this way. Should anyone let their personal experiences with a few people determine how the rest of the world would treat you? If there are 10 people out there that broke your heart, maybe there are a million more that would repair it? Do you see how we just flipped a negative to a positive.
Maybe if we changed our outlook on many situations they would get a little easier to digest. For me Love is grand, I'll admit I'm cautious and easily jolted based on past experiences, but I can also tell you that it never stops me from exploring the possibility of love. Besides, which is the better way to live your life, full of love and feeling sure that love will always be a part of you, or devout of love and believing love is a sham and you'll never find what you're looking for? Once again I'll leave you with this simple thought and hopefully you can draw the comparisons. If I wake up every day and tell myself that life sucks, there's no such thing as love, and I hate everything, what kind of day do you think I would have?
Let love in, let it be your guiding light, and even when someone comes along and tries to extinguish that light, just move on and understand that individual needs to see your light shine even brighter.
As always I can be reached directly at joshua@joshuastern.ca and I hope you enjoyed my foray into the topic of love.
It's kind of ironic when you think about it, I have had no problem talking about my sexual assaults as a youngster, my days totting guns and being a criminal, or the struggles I've had with drugs and addiction, but when it comes to the subject of Love, I get nervous and intimidated. It's almost as if there is this constant voice in the back of my head that says, "You're a man, you aren't supposed to feel this way about love, you're not supposed to be soft!"
The moment I begin to talk about those types of emotions it's amazing the way people can react to you. Well I'm here to tell you that I don't buy that for a second, and I'm going against the grain yet again. Just as I believe that it takes a strong man to cry, or ask for help as opposed to never shedding a tear or trying to figure everything out for yourself, I also believe that if I am going to be condemned for the feelings and thoughts I have, so be it. I'd rather be a part of that world than to be a part of a world where I can't say what I think or describe how I feel.
Now I know you have all heard of the saying, "There's a very thin line between love and hate", and I have to tell you that based on my experiences this seems to be one of the most accurate statements I've ever heard. I have done things, had things done to me, witnessed and heard of more than enough horror stories on this topic and I'm sure the majority of you have too. Maybe the problem is that we throw the word around way too loosely, or maybe it's because we love way too many things. Think about it, I love my soup, I love my favourite pair of jeans, I love my mom and I love my son, but I don't love all these things in the same way. Yet we don't have other words to describe the same emotion.
In the past five years, and I'm 36 now, I have heard of and witnessed the most mind boggling things that people, who I can only assume are either extremely hurt or just cruel or nuts, have done to their supposed "loved ones". I clearly am referring to individuals in relationships. From infidelities, to lies and backstabbing for all kinds of reasons, how could love ever drive people to do those things? If there is one thing I am constantly scratching my head about it's gotta be that one. I am aware that my perception only allows me to understand/relate so much, but I have been through my fair share and I have been surrounded by many people who have all gone through some pretty incredible things and yet when it comes to love, I still can't understand how people can do such things. It's worse than a gang war or a drug battle the foul things that people will do who supposedly are or were in love with another. I still am unsure of how you can actually fall out of love with someone. To me, and I know it's only my opinion, but if you loved someone once, you will always love them. If not, maybe it was never really love.
I guess at the end of the day it's just another one of life's many mysteries and to me, you can either spend a life time trying to solve the mystery, or you just move along. Is it really any different from many other aspects of life that can get us down? Look at it this way, lets just say you have been in bad relationship after bad relationship, and we will need another post to discuss what it is about you that leads to these repeat situations, but even if I put that number at 5 bad relationships in a row I want you to think about it this way. Should anyone let their personal experiences with a few people determine how the rest of the world would treat you? If there are 10 people out there that broke your heart, maybe there are a million more that would repair it? Do you see how we just flipped a negative to a positive.
Maybe if we changed our outlook on many situations they would get a little easier to digest. For me Love is grand, I'll admit I'm cautious and easily jolted based on past experiences, but I can also tell you that it never stops me from exploring the possibility of love. Besides, which is the better way to live your life, full of love and feeling sure that love will always be a part of you, or devout of love and believing love is a sham and you'll never find what you're looking for? Once again I'll leave you with this simple thought and hopefully you can draw the comparisons. If I wake up every day and tell myself that life sucks, there's no such thing as love, and I hate everything, what kind of day do you think I would have?
Let love in, let it be your guiding light, and even when someone comes along and tries to extinguish that light, just move on and understand that individual needs to see your light shine even brighter.
As always I can be reached directly at joshua@joshuastern.ca and I hope you enjoyed my foray into the topic of love.
hello Joshua thanks very much for this blog post :-). I had some bad relationships and still wonder how this could have happened. But in the end it made me who I am and taught me to stand up for myself.
ReplyDeleteIf you fall out of love with someone has it never been love. I do not like to think so. I think it is more that people change constantly and if the other partner does not change with you there is no hope I suppose.
I still feel some sort of love for those I have been with even those who treated me bad. I wish them all the best but it is good not be with them any more. Does that make any sense? Well, maybe I work on that theory..... :-)
Yes.
ReplyDeleteBut people need to become aware of their OWN actions.
Love isn't just some fairy tale magic that you can sit back and leech off of while you scorn and condemn those around you.
People have tried loving you---but you spat back
In their faces.... Insulted them. Bullied them.
And when they finally detach themselves from that hate you so vehemently disguise as love---you act like your just a pawn in their sick game.
Take responsibility for what you do and how you treat people... And I'm sure you'd stop waking up every morning thinking life sucks.