Guest Blogger #1, Anonymous female

This is our very first guest blogger and post, please let's spread the word and let everyone know that there is a safe place to share, discuss, and comment, on our own feelings, experiences, and tragedies.

Sitting infront of my house, I lit up a smoke and let the drag pull my head back up against the brick wall.

Time goes by and I watch everything pass by in this bland boring city, with its dull colours in the night, 

and even more monotonous people. 

I sunk into the lawn chair, alone in all my thoughts. 

I was feeling very bored and despondent, as time passed by. 

Lately the side effects of the drugs I use, to numb the pain, have been very dejected.

There seems to be some kind of burden that comes along with the feeling.

I couldn't help but let a couple tears fall down my face, 

Despite the fact that he ran through my mind all day, 

I felt so pathetic for getting myself in this position.

He shouldn't be on my mind..

but everything I saw or heard reminded me of every piece of him so contagiously

Forsaken by limbs I walk back into my house.

As my phone rings I snap out of thought,

it was him.  I pull myself together and answer, I hear his voice

and I cant help but to quietly sob.

Threw these tears I manage to choke out a sentance,

"Call me pathetic, call me what you will, just please don’t leave. I need you like I need a drug.” 

That sounds desperate, I must be losing it. You see how the words work? They betray your mouth and walk away.

“You’re so medicated. Don't get carried away feeling sorry for yourself. Can’t you just stop; you do this to yourself. 

It takes more than chemicals to live it up.” 

He couldn’t help but tell the truth in a distasteful manner,

I hated when I knew he was right, I felt so helpless.

I couldn't think anymore, his words ringing in my ear like a misquito you cant get rid of.

He seems so indecisive with what he wants from me, he never seems happy with us.

"If this is what you want to be, then get used to being without me,” he inevitably continued,

 “it’s your choice: me or what you put deep beneath your skin.

I knew he was going to make me choose. He's always been that predictable.

Than again could you blame him?

I didn’t know whether I should  get annoyed with his predictable behaviour, or upset about the fact that he's upset and disappointed.

As I sit on my bedroom floor lost in thoughts, I fainty hear his voice again,

“That’s what I thought.” He said, “One of the hardest things in the world is realizing that when I said 'I love you more,' I was right, and I’m still choking on my words.”

Something to think about

As the dust begins to settle on what will eventually be known as my first TV interview ever, I feel a complete divide about it.  On the one hand, what an amazing opportunity, it was fun and exciting, it was a learning experience, and come on, how many people actually get the chance to go on TV and talk about their personal project, very cool!  But I also feel like I barely had enough time to even touch on the greatness of this endeavour, I was a little nervous, and I missed a few key messages that I really wanted to get across, and it leaves me wishing I had another shot immediately.  I wanted to start by pointing two things out. First off, the next time you personally decide to downplay someones issues, or addictions, I suggest this, anyone that thinks it's so easy to not be an addict, I suggest you put it to the test. If you know someone who smokes cigarettes or drugs, or they are an alcoholic, ask them to quit and in return you will quit drinking coffee for 1 week and see who wins, I bet the results will be pretty eye opening. Secondly, It is very easy for us to imagine if we were walking down the street and a young woman was being attacked by 2 assailants, the odds are we would all do something to help, but there aren't too many of those situations and so we ignore the dangers that are going on beyond close doors.  What I mean is simple, there are even some people that would keep walking and just leave that poor girl to suffer her own fate, but what if that was your daughter, then for sure you would jump in and save her, right?  Why is it that things only have significant impact once they hit close to home?  Why wouldn't you be just as concerned if your daughter was struggling in school, you didn't spend appropriate amounts of time talking with her about her problems or you don't validate them.  Even though you think your daughter is surviving, what if her assailants are wolves in sheep's clothing?  Perhaps a man or friend who sees the girl is weak, or hurting decides to be a friend, a confidant.  Then the guy introduces the girl to drugs, and before long your little angel who's personal issues you may have not given the proper energy to, is inside a dingy apartment, on the wrong side of town, and she's involved in sexual acts with one or more partners in order to "pay" for her drugs, or just as a way to seek approval from the wrong kind of people.  Typically when boys go wrong, they act out with violence, criminal activities, drinking and drugs to impress their new peers, when it's girls, it's typically ALWAYS sex!!!  Maybe if we all took a second to think about this, the next time your little boy or girl comes home from school, stop them, make an effort to talk everyday at the same time, say 5pm, for about a half an hour minimum about everything.  How their day was, what they enjoy, what they don't, but most importantly, THIS IS ABOUT THEM, NOT YOU, SO MAKE SURE YOU VALIDATE THEIR FEELINGS, AND NEVER MAKE IT SO THEY DON'T FEEL SAFE SHARING!!!!

Daily Struggles

As I continue my journey to salvation, I am reminded daily how difficult a trek this may just be.  I began my interview process with Big Brothers & Big Sisters of Canada, and when I was shown some of the photos and files on potential little brothers for me to be paired with, it was very difficult to hold back my emotions.  Imagine just looking at a photo of a 10 year old boy or girl and it becomes blatantly obvious the pain and loneliness behind their eyes, and I'm merely looking at an image!?  I instantly transported myself to the past and I felt like the uncomfortable and awkward kid I was, with no self esteem, and almost no belief in myself or anyone else.  How is it possible that there are so many of these individuals, and they are under the age of 15, and what are we doing about it?  Not nearly enough!  Everyday I struggle to remain focused on my path, and it is one of the most challenging tasks I have ever undertaken.  Trying to stay sober is almost an hourly challenge, trying to avoid a thought process that you have depended on for the last 22 years(even if it is negative and backwards)almost impossible, trying to remain asleep the whole night without waking in a cold sweat, having dreams or visions that are way too real, or just re-visiting a less than tasteful memory, I have no control over that.  But what I do have control over is my conscious mind, and even though it would be much easier for me to turn back to an addict and make my living as a criminal, I remind myself that I have a purpose, and I was put on this earth to help, not to destroy.  That is something we all posses, the ability to be heroic, or villainous, the choice is ours.  If there was one wish I had, it was that people who don't have struggles to the same degree as mine, to try and find a way to understand, not relate, just a little understanding.  For example, if your son falls down and scrapes his knee, you might tell him to suck it up, and it's no big deal, but on the other hand, if your son had been sexually assaulted, or had a gun pointed at his head and he actually believed he may die, this is definitely not a situation to tell someone to suck it up, or move on, believe me, I wish it was that simple.  It's a life long quest of learning and addressing your issues in order to try and understand them.  Post traumatic stress syndrome is very real, and just because you don't understand it, doesn't make it any less real.  Please take some time if you know someone like I have described, to truly talk to them about what haunts them, and then do some research on your own and see if there is something you could do to help!  We all need help sometimes, wouldn't you like to know it was there for you when you need it, or would you prefer someone to tell you that it's not a big deal, and everyone has problems!?!?!  If parents could all listen to the story I tell at 35 years of age, I can almost guarantee that each and every one of them would do whatever they could to ensure the same would not happen to their children.  Nobody wants to know or feel what it's like to be a child who fell through the cracks, and then tries to deal with it all as a normal functioning adult and member of society.

Long Weekend

As the hangover of our first summer long weekend slowly dissipates, I wanted to share some of the overwhelming moments I was fortunate enough to be a part of.  My growing friend and business Partner Lowell invited me to a gala event that was being held in order to celebrate the memory and life of his incredible mother Sherona Hall.  Here was a woman who clearly defined her life's purpose as helping others.  She prided herself on being a voice for those without one, and she faught for strangers as if they were cut from her own cloth.  Through the Shesheme Foundation Sherona tirelessly contributed to the betterment of society and its inhabitants.  What an amazing feeling it was to see all these people take time out of their own long weekends to celebrate an incredible woman who taught us all what living should truly mean.  There was incredible musical performances, great food, and awesome company.  While Lowell was giving a moving acceptance speech on behalf of his mother he made a point that I feel needs repeating as it has resonated for me ever since.  He said, "Many of us think about being good people, helping others, and contributing to our community and world, and we are very good at thinking these things while we sit on our couch, and even I myself am guilty of this, so I say why don't we actually make an effort, and donate an hour of our time in order to help others, it all starts from within, and I'm starting with me!"  I love it Lowell, and as Michael Jackson said, "I'm starting with the man in the mirror", ME!!

Backwards Reality

I wanted to take a few moments to describe for you what I like to call, Backwards Reality.  To me, backwards reality is when we do certain things such as, get married, have kids, choose to go to University, get a good paying job, etc., but we only do them because we believe that is what we are supposed to do according to society!?  I am not saying that any of the above mentioned are negative or inappropriate, but maybe for you they are.  We don't fit in a one size fits all world, so why are we taught to believe that we do?  This next part may shock a few of you, but if you don't want to have kids, don't have them.  If you don't want to get married, don't.  If you don't believe you need a Home with a 2 car garage, a white picket fence, and 2 upper class cars to determine your level of success or self worth, then you don't!  We are always told to strive for our goals, well I propose one better, "You should strive to always continue striving!"  It may sound a bit off, but think about it for a second, life is all about changes, learning new things, and never getting stuck in a routine (unless its one we created purposefully, and positively), so why should you stay at the same job your whole life just to continue earning more and more money?  If you really want to feel what it's like to live, once you have gotten familiar and proficient at something, try something new.  If I strive to become an accountant, and at 30 years of age I achieve it, what do I strive for during the next 30 years?  I say become an accountant, and unless its truly what you love to do and you couldn't imagine doing anything else, after 5 years, try something else in the financial industry, or take a hard left turn and try becoming a Chef if that's something you yearn to try.  Every time you achieve one thing you strive for, there has to be another goal or else life becomes mundane.  We should never stop trying to learn, and we should embrace the unknown.  Fear is a good thing, it enables us to make sound decisions, use your fear for positivity and you'll be amazed by the outcome!  We are all aware that it's fear which hinders us, think about it, why didn't you try that new restaurant, because you feared you wouldn't like it or it couldn't be as good as your usual spot!?  Why didn't you go golfing with your buddies, because you were afraid you'd be no good or you thought you'd embarrass yourself?  My message to all is simple, continue  to grow, continue to learn, continue to strive for greatness, and try to acknowledge that it's fear that stops you from trying many things you would normally try.  Why do we all look at children with such awe and jealousy?  It's not only because they are so cute, innocent, and youthful, although that's what we'd like to believe.  The truth is we remember what it was like to be bright eyed and bushy tailed, we can tell how children are not afraid to try anything until we make them afraid.  Children have the ability to not let distraction and doubt set in, and if they want it, they believe they can get it, well guess what, so can you as an adult.  The secret is, you have to believe it.  Could you actually imagine what a plain world we'd live in if every time a flower blossomed it decided it had plateaued and therefore would never blossom again?

Youth and Abuse Month

Over the next several months all over the globe there are several different youth events including Youth Day in Toronto on June 24th.  May is also Sexual Assault Awareness Month, and both of these topics are very important issues.  Especially these days with such an enormous population, and so many different ways for kids to make a wrong turn, we really need to shift our focus to the youths and remember that one day they will be the ones we count on to run our world.  We talk about terrorism, natural disasters, economic struggles, bank industry thieves, and corrupt governments, but we don't hear nearly enough about the kids.  We live in a time where babies are continuing to be born at a rapid pace, and there are no signs of it slowing down.  Think about it like this; for the families that are struggling to stay above water, which seem to be the majority, what this means is that typically mom and dad are working a hell of a lot more than in the past just to make ends meet.  The reports have already shown that in North America the time where 1 parent could be a stay at home caregiver is just not the case anymore.  This leads to more time where young kids are unsupervised.  That's if both parents stick around.  In the world we live today the reality is most families are not staying together, putting even more financial burden on the primary caregiver.  Again this leads to more time for kids to be unsupervised, and I'm sorry, but even if you raised the best child in the world, if you don't have the money to enroll them in extracurricular activities, live in the best areas, or have a nanny or after school sitter, your child, with a lack of supervision, will find trouble.  We need to fight for more after school programs, more community centres, more outreach programs that help keep these kids occupied and on the right path to future success.  How can a struggling family afford to enroll kids in the programs we have today?  It will cost well over $350 to play 2 sports, and that's just one child.  Swim class, there's another $100 every 4-5 months, and what about daycare?  We must raise more money for free or low cost programs and assistance.  I came from a great place, and for many years I found a way to slip through the cracks, it lead to a lifetime of difficulties, hard choices, and way too many moments that I wish I never experienced.  If we can keep just one kid from ending up in jail, in a gang, homeless, or dead, then we are already winning the battle.  Let your local MP know, start a Blog, donate some time at a local school, whatever it takes, we have to keep are children active, stimulated, and protected, because the alternatives are not appealing.  Please let me know your thoughts, and I urge you to comment with suggestions of your own on how we can make things better for our children.  I know being a father of a 3 and 1/2 year old boy, that I would die a thousand deaths before I ever let him experience half of what I did.

Food for thought

Firstly I wanted to thank everyone for their support, it is greatly appreciated, and hopefully it continues.  Please take the time to sign up, comment, and follow the blog as there is definitely strength in numbers.  All of you will not be forgotten for your efforts! 

I wanted to first speak about a phenomenon I am struggling to wrap my head around.  Many people who have read excerpts have many positive things to say, unfortunately my family has not been as supportive with the exception of a few individuals. I wonder if I am alone when I try to rationalize why my own family wouldn't be in a position to offer more. Rather than get in to a long analysis, I prefer to look at it this way. If I have difficulty getting my own family to sign up, comment on blogs, or pass it on to friends, how could I expect to get Joe Schmo to do any of those things? These things I just listed go hand in hand with a major premise of my book, "The 3 D's". The 3 D's are Doubt, Distraction, and Deception! These are 3 things that are major roadblocks for anyone to overcome when we set our minds to something, or we want to achieve something that the majority of people believe is unattainable or impossible. To this I will only state the following; If YOU have goals, and dreams, regardless of what they are, the 3 D's will rear their ugly heads as often as possible, and it is your responsibility to IGNORE them! Doubt, Deception, and Distractions are major hurdles, and they are always there.  You will receive doubt from almost everyone you tell your idea to, you will also receive deception from these same individuals because the fact that they themselves have never attempted to achieve greatness makes it extremely difficult for them to believe anyone else could, and lastly distractions, these will come from everywhere and everyone, and these distractions coupled by the first two will make it appear almost impossible.  You have been dealing with the 3 D's for probably the majority of your life, and you may not have even realized the impact they have.  It's time to look at the 3 D's for what they are, WORDS!!  I will not be affected or deterred by words, or negativity, or a lack in belief from anyone.  We alone have the power to achieve anything and everything we want, do you think singers like American Idol's Susan Boyle faced a lot of support as she tried to become a singer, doubtful!  How many people do you think told Danny Devito that an acting career was definitely in the cards for him.  Lastly, what about Spud Webb, Earl Boykins and Mugsy Bogues, three individuals that were 5 foot 7, 5 foot 5, and 5 foot 3 respectively, and they all made it to the NBA, do you think they had to overcome the 3 D's?  Not to mention the first 2 guys on that list can slam dunk!  Hopefully the message I make is clear!  Be determined, and don't let anyone or anything get in your way, because at the end of the day if you are only trying to accomplish positivity, eventually with perseverance, you'll get there!!