On the heels of my last few blog posts I had one response from a close friend that stood out from the rest. He pointed out that he thinks what we are trying to do is a great thing, and he truly believes/supports the idea that communication, and sharing is a very good start. He wanted to know for the ones who are now adults themselves, how do you put on a happy face everyday, or try to see the positive when its just so hard sometimes. When you carry with you some of these horrible nightmares or pain you have dealt with, how do you keep going. For me unfortunately there is no simple answer.
I think the first step is definitely not expecting that its possible to wake up everyday and feel positive and motivated, etc. We are human, not robots, we will always have off days. If at first we acknowledge the possibility of off days, that is a huge first step. It does not make anyone abnormal or weak to have a day where it is difficult to get going. That is the problem, we have been programmed to believe that flaws, mistakes, and imperfections, equates to there is something wrong with you.
Secondly I know it sounds simple and most just shrug it off, but taking 5 minutes and trying to meditate or some deep heavy breathing, preferably in a dark and quiet room, can help re focus your thoughts. Most importantly I found for me, as soon as I began being true to myself, and focused on improving me by taking the responsibility for every situation I encountered and trying not to blame, I began freeing myself from daily struggles. When you are focused on being a better person, and letting your demons out, you will begin to feel some freedom as well. If we have skeletons, or we are living a lie, or even partial truths, eventually it will take its toll. The worse or more skeletons you have, the harder it may be, but when you allow yourself to not be controlled by the fear of being judged, it can do wonders.
I also would encourage anyone who is looking for answers, solutions, or methods, to prepare a list. On this list you should write who you want to be, what you want to accomplish, and how you want to do it. If you follow these steps for any situation, it definitely couldn't hurt to try, right?? If you literally carry this with you everyday, I keep mine on my iPhone and a copy at home, when you are feeling down, take out your list and hopefully on there it reminds you to stay positive, stay focused, you have a plan and plans take time, don't let others determine your mood, and so on. I promise you just looking at your list will make it easier to get going on those downer days.
Lastly I would like to remind you of what I have been preaching from the very beginning, If you are having one of those days where you don't want to get out of bed, or you just feel like crying or putting your fist through a wall, talk about it!!! Call a friend you trust, reach out to a family member you can confide in, join a group, and if all else fails, find a stranger and just vent. Clearly you'd never care what a random stranger who you've never met would think of you, or would you? This is what I am trying to accomplish with the book, my website, my future relationship with Y.A.Y aka Youth Assisting Youth, I am trying to encourage communication and prevention. If you are alone or have feelings of isolation then you are in a dark place. If you are between the age of 8-25 and you have these feelings the magnitude is far greater, but there is plenty of help and you're anything but alone. I encourage you to contact me through my email at joshua@joshuastern.ca, or through the blog, and I would be happy to chat, or encourage you when you are feeling down. Eventually I would like to have a forum or chat room where we can come and share 24/7, that would be a great start.
Please share any other methods you may have found that worked when you were having an off day!
When I was a young mom, that's when many of my own demons began surfacing. I wasn't a religious person. I'd been raised believing in God; but, I just couldn't understand how such a loving God could have allowed so much pain to occur in the world. I was angry, sad, depressed, felt alienated and very much alone, until.....
ReplyDeleteOne day I left the television going simply for distraction while my young one slept. I wasn't really watching it until something caught my attention. Not sure what it was, a giggle a laugh a particular word. What ever it was I returned to the living room and started listening. I saw the smile on their faces and the joy in their voices. I wanted what they had. What ever it was I wanted some of it.
It wasn't much later, a few months or so that I began to actually look for it and about a year later I'd found it. I found that joy, that peace, that healing. I found someone who would listen to my every word, my every complaint, my every fear even if no one else was around. I'd found God...not religion as they are distinctly different. I began reading the Bible and started attending a small church at first and only to hear what they had to say, then I started developing relationships with others in the congregation, then I started sharing my story and finding they actually listened and didn't just listen...they cried with me when I cried and rejoiced when I rejoiced. They showed they honestly cared. Now....
When I feel alone, when I feel alienated, when I am hurting or scared or angry....I pray and share each and every feeling with He who hears each and every word. Now....I have peace knowing that the past is the past and my future is what I choose to make of it. God opens doors and it's up to me to walk through them...to choose!!!
I cannot tell you much but all I know is feeling down is the result sometime of leaving ourself vulnerable to others less kind.
ReplyDeleteI think the most important place to start is by recognizing and accepting the fact that life is not all sunshines and rainbows so therefore an off day is actually ok.
ReplyDeleteI really hate when people ask me why i'm not smiling or why I'm down. It's counter-productive on a societal standpoint but also who's really happy 24/7??
I think the fact is we as whole really do not want to deal with anyone else's crap so rather then ask someone why their "depressed", we accuse them of not being happy. We criticize the fact that there are those of us who have the nerve to wake up feeling off, how dare anyone frown instead of smile.
Why people are like this, I have no clue.
We definitely have to change the misconception that if you're not happy, you're not right.
Acting like you woke up and took a big dose of smiles and perfection only puts those of us with the ability to accept the rollercoaster of life in a shitty situation. We want help but few people really care. It's a tough situation to change, for sure.