I decided to focus today's blog on the topic of perception because I believe it's of major importance, yet we don't really hear many people talking about it.
Over the last year I have worked with and met so many amazing young people who would all fall under the category of At-Risk Youth. Outside of my experience with those youth, I have my own lifetime of experiences growing up At-Risk and the experiences I gained being surrounded by many other At-Risk individuals in my young and adult life.
One specific area where we have had success with reaching some of these individuals is by trying to alter their own perception, while simultaneously attempting to get them to understand the perception of others. I know that we may all understand what perception is, but I also believe that the vast majority of us take it for granted and don't give it the necessary attention it deserves. If our perception is our own personal view of things, than essentially your perception equates to your world. That also means everyone else also has their own perception, therefore they have their own personal views of the world as well. Not to sound redundant, but I know some of this might seem like common knowledge to you. My point is that while we might be aware of all these facts we don't seem to take them into account when it comes to dealing with others.
If I'm trying to get someone to relate to me, or have compassion for me, my perception might lead me to believe that all I have to do is accurately describe the events and that should be enough to get me what I desire. The reality of this is that if the person can't relate to my story, how can they relate to me? The better way for me to approach this situation, and this is also one of the points we focus on with the individuals we work with, would be for me to describe the emotions I felt at the time of those events. If I could accurately describe my feelings that would be a lot easier for someone else to attach themselves to, as opposed to just giving them a story to relate to.
Understanding that any individual we are communicating with is operating under their own perception and not ours, is a very big step towards having better relationships. It can also lead to less tension and easier resolution of disagreements or arguments. Having the ability to take a moment and try to understand more about why someone said what they did, or why they acted how they acted, will obviously go a long way towards defusing a potentially negative situation. Think about it like this; If I say to someone "Hey, what are you doing?" There are many ways that question can actually be interpreted based on the individual and their perception. Instead of someone reacting to the way they perceived that question, wouldn't you agree it would be best to get some clarification first? If we could learn to take the time to think, "I wonder what they meant by that", maybe that would give us more opportunity to avoid jumping the gun, which tends to lead to the majority of arguments or altercations.
The next time you find yourself in a situation where you are trying to interpret emotions from words, try asking questions instead. Try something like, "What did you mean when you asked me what I was doing, did you notice the tone you used?" "Was there any meaning behind the look I thought I saw in your eyes or am I just reading into things too much?" Simple things like this take the pressure out of the situation and it allows us to accurately understand the meaning behind the words and we don't have to deal with interpretations or assumptions. Never forget that age old saying, "To assume is to make an ass out of u and me"! Anytime we try to guess at what another is trying to say, we are doing just that.
Try a little clarity next time, try to take a few moments to understand what the other person is trying to say before you react to something that was never the case. Understanding how powerful perception can be is an amazing tool in becoming a successful adult, I think it's something we could all benefit from being a bit more aware of.
As always your comments are welcomed and encouraged.
Over the last year I have worked with and met so many amazing young people who would all fall under the category of At-Risk Youth. Outside of my experience with those youth, I have my own lifetime of experiences growing up At-Risk and the experiences I gained being surrounded by many other At-Risk individuals in my young and adult life.
One specific area where we have had success with reaching some of these individuals is by trying to alter their own perception, while simultaneously attempting to get them to understand the perception of others. I know that we may all understand what perception is, but I also believe that the vast majority of us take it for granted and don't give it the necessary attention it deserves. If our perception is our own personal view of things, than essentially your perception equates to your world. That also means everyone else also has their own perception, therefore they have their own personal views of the world as well. Not to sound redundant, but I know some of this might seem like common knowledge to you. My point is that while we might be aware of all these facts we don't seem to take them into account when it comes to dealing with others.
If I'm trying to get someone to relate to me, or have compassion for me, my perception might lead me to believe that all I have to do is accurately describe the events and that should be enough to get me what I desire. The reality of this is that if the person can't relate to my story, how can they relate to me? The better way for me to approach this situation, and this is also one of the points we focus on with the individuals we work with, would be for me to describe the emotions I felt at the time of those events. If I could accurately describe my feelings that would be a lot easier for someone else to attach themselves to, as opposed to just giving them a story to relate to.
Understanding that any individual we are communicating with is operating under their own perception and not ours, is a very big step towards having better relationships. It can also lead to less tension and easier resolution of disagreements or arguments. Having the ability to take a moment and try to understand more about why someone said what they did, or why they acted how they acted, will obviously go a long way towards defusing a potentially negative situation. Think about it like this; If I say to someone "Hey, what are you doing?" There are many ways that question can actually be interpreted based on the individual and their perception. Instead of someone reacting to the way they perceived that question, wouldn't you agree it would be best to get some clarification first? If we could learn to take the time to think, "I wonder what they meant by that", maybe that would give us more opportunity to avoid jumping the gun, which tends to lead to the majority of arguments or altercations.
The next time you find yourself in a situation where you are trying to interpret emotions from words, try asking questions instead. Try something like, "What did you mean when you asked me what I was doing, did you notice the tone you used?" "Was there any meaning behind the look I thought I saw in your eyes or am I just reading into things too much?" Simple things like this take the pressure out of the situation and it allows us to accurately understand the meaning behind the words and we don't have to deal with interpretations or assumptions. Never forget that age old saying, "To assume is to make an ass out of u and me"! Anytime we try to guess at what another is trying to say, we are doing just that.
Try a little clarity next time, try to take a few moments to understand what the other person is trying to say before you react to something that was never the case. Understanding how powerful perception can be is an amazing tool in becoming a successful adult, I think it's something we could all benefit from being a bit more aware of.
As always your comments are welcomed and encouraged.
