I'm totally at a loss! I'm extremely frustrated, I'm overwhelmed and I honestly don't know what to think any more. I've been working with at risk youth now for over two years and I've got to say, the things that I've witnessed in such a short period of time, are more than I think the average person could handle. Our kids are fighting a losing battle and what saddens me the most is that the parents seem to be the number one problem in the majority of the cases we work. I am honestly truly confused as to what we can do when it comes to rescuing a severely at risk youth from their family home or from their parents.
I can't tell you how troubling it is to see the extremely negative reaction that we receive from the very people that hire us to go and help their children, assess their children and rescue their children. Then when we are prepared to discuss our findings, and God forbid those findings tell us that there is a major disconnect between children and parents, all of a sudden those same parents completely lose their ability to recognize that the only reason we are here is to help your child. There is no other reason whatsoever. Yet time and time again I'm faced with parents who just cannot accept or wrap their head around the fact that their actions are what's causing their children to suffer as much as they are.
There is no easy solution, it's a very, very difficult situation and I truly believe the saying "between a rock and a hard place" was made for these cases. Most recently I worked with a severely at-risk 16 year old boy and according to his family, they told me that within the last few weeks they'd notice some significant changes they were worried about. They mentioned drug use and they were convinced that something was mentally & emotionally wrong with their son. When we were brought into the case we began our research and our background work. After meeting with several individuals what became evident was that this was not a problem that started, or even escalated a few weeks ago. It was something that has been going on for multiple years and I don't know how it's not being noticed.
I don't know how individuals such as Amanda Todd or Rehtaeh Parsons walk through life dealing with these Demons and nobody has a clue as to what's going on. I find it utterly unimaginable. In an attempt to keep this post somewhat short I'm going to highlight a point from my latest book, "At risk youth, it takes one to know one" and it sounds so utterly simple, yet it's still not happening enough! If your child came to you and asked you to teach them how to play basketball or how to change the oil in your car and you had never done it before or were not proficient at it, would you even think twice about getting some outside help for your child whether it was a basketball coach or a mechanic friend? Is there any doubt that we would do our best to find someone that was more well versed in the subject matter that your child was interested in? So why when it comes to their emotional health, their understanding of anger and all sorts of useful tools such as resilience are we not as quick to go out and find somebody that might be better suited?
We must be willing to teach our children how to be successful and how to have a healthy mind, body and spirit. If we are not capable of helping our children deal with anger and frustration and emotional distress, we had better find someone to help us! I hate to say it, but we should be more interested with our children gaining those types of skills, as opposed to learning how to skate backwards or lift the puck off the ice when attempting a slap shot.
Maybe when the time comes that as parents we can put aside our own ego's and pride and not be affected by what anyone else thinks of our parenting skills we will see change. I cannot stress this next point enough, IT'S NOT A NEGATIVE NOTCH ON YOUR PARENTING BELT TO ACKNOWLEDGE YOU NEED HELP!! If the number one lesson that we should be willing to teach our children is that it's okay to ask for help, how would they learn that lesson any better than if we followed our own advice? Our children need to know it is okay and in fact essential, that they ask for help. If we can teach our children that it's okay to feel weak at times, it's okay to say we are hurting at times and it's okay to make mistakes, we will give them the greatest gift they could receive. If we do not have the wherewithal as parents to understand what are child is going through and we need to find them a basketball coach to teach them a jump shot or we need to find our mechanic friend to teach our children how to change the oil, and lastly we must be willing to enlist the help of a behavioral & emotional specialist if we are unable to do the job. Who else will fight for our youth if not us?
I can't tell you how troubling it is to see the extremely negative reaction that we receive from the very people that hire us to go and help their children, assess their children and rescue their children. Then when we are prepared to discuss our findings, and God forbid those findings tell us that there is a major disconnect between children and parents, all of a sudden those same parents completely lose their ability to recognize that the only reason we are here is to help your child. There is no other reason whatsoever. Yet time and time again I'm faced with parents who just cannot accept or wrap their head around the fact that their actions are what's causing their children to suffer as much as they are.
There is no easy solution, it's a very, very difficult situation and I truly believe the saying "between a rock and a hard place" was made for these cases. Most recently I worked with a severely at-risk 16 year old boy and according to his family, they told me that within the last few weeks they'd notice some significant changes they were worried about. They mentioned drug use and they were convinced that something was mentally & emotionally wrong with their son. When we were brought into the case we began our research and our background work. After meeting with several individuals what became evident was that this was not a problem that started, or even escalated a few weeks ago. It was something that has been going on for multiple years and I don't know how it's not being noticed.
I don't know how individuals such as Amanda Todd or Rehtaeh Parsons walk through life dealing with these Demons and nobody has a clue as to what's going on. I find it utterly unimaginable. In an attempt to keep this post somewhat short I'm going to highlight a point from my latest book, "At risk youth, it takes one to know one" and it sounds so utterly simple, yet it's still not happening enough! If your child came to you and asked you to teach them how to play basketball or how to change the oil in your car and you had never done it before or were not proficient at it, would you even think twice about getting some outside help for your child whether it was a basketball coach or a mechanic friend? Is there any doubt that we would do our best to find someone that was more well versed in the subject matter that your child was interested in? So why when it comes to their emotional health, their understanding of anger and all sorts of useful tools such as resilience are we not as quick to go out and find somebody that might be better suited?
We must be willing to teach our children how to be successful and how to have a healthy mind, body and spirit. If we are not capable of helping our children deal with anger and frustration and emotional distress, we had better find someone to help us! I hate to say it, but we should be more interested with our children gaining those types of skills, as opposed to learning how to skate backwards or lift the puck off the ice when attempting a slap shot.
Maybe when the time comes that as parents we can put aside our own ego's and pride and not be affected by what anyone else thinks of our parenting skills we will see change. I cannot stress this next point enough, IT'S NOT A NEGATIVE NOTCH ON YOUR PARENTING BELT TO ACKNOWLEDGE YOU NEED HELP!! If the number one lesson that we should be willing to teach our children is that it's okay to ask for help, how would they learn that lesson any better than if we followed our own advice? Our children need to know it is okay and in fact essential, that they ask for help. If we can teach our children that it's okay to feel weak at times, it's okay to say we are hurting at times and it's okay to make mistakes, we will give them the greatest gift they could receive. If we do not have the wherewithal as parents to understand what are child is going through and we need to find them a basketball coach to teach them a jump shot or we need to find our mechanic friend to teach our children how to change the oil, and lastly we must be willing to enlist the help of a behavioral & emotional specialist if we are unable to do the job. Who else will fight for our youth if not us?
Awesome as usual. Parents screwing kids up? Watch a little league game! The only stupid question is the one not asked. But you know, how many go to the doctor then fail to follow the prescribed treatment? It's a unfortunate reality of our society, we don't want the hard work, just the quick fix, and all without any side effects or responsibility. Alas, our broken down world is receiving help with heroes like you Joshua!
ReplyDeleteOn my way home, had to read your blog. Excellent
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