Competing for who has it worse?

If the title of this post has you scratching your head or scrunching your face, I accomplished exactly what I set out to do! I know how ridiculous it sounds and it most certainly must be just as ridiculous to read, but yet it's a reality we face everyday with the youth we work with. I may have mentioned it in a previous post, but watching kids physically fight over who had it worse growing up, has to be one of the more mind boggling events I can recall. Obviously the feelings and emotions that were brought out of these kids were their own, but the reasons behind them were not. The fuel that fired their actions was the result of society's ruling of "who has it worse".

If for example the news outlets consistently report about kids getting in trouble from low income neighborhoods, yet ignores some of the very same scenarios in more affluent parts of town, we automatically get a very skewed version of the truth. We work with kids from every walk of life, all backgrounds and very different income brackets and we keep hearing them say the same things. A girl who grew up pretty and skinny could never have it as bad as a girl who grew up over weight and unattractive and a kid who grew up with parents could never suffer as much as a kid who grew up with one or no parents. I don't think I need to continue, but I want to make it clear that it's these types of mentality's amongst our youth, which make it difficult for them to reach out for help. Not only that, but it's just not true.

If society believes that because you're pretty, popular and live in a wealthy area that you should have little or nothing to complain about, why would you ever reach out for help? If you have a different skin color you automatically have it worse, so what should a "white boy" ever have to complain about. Do you know how many times I've heard that one? If perception is reality and we can agree on that, can't we see that all this judging and grouping is completely unnecessary? Who cares what someone else thinks about how you feel. The last time a loved one hurt your feelings, would it make you feel better or worse if they told you that you were being silly and that there is no way THEY could have hurt YOUR feelings? Do you realize what I'm saying? Who gives a $%&@#& what anyone else thinks about your feelings!! If I tell you I am deathly afraid of lady bugs, I don't care how ridiculous you think that makes me, they are my feelings. Should I have to explain to anyone that when I was a kid I had horrible nightmares of being overcome by thousands upon thousands of ladybugs and when my mother killed herself and I found her, there were ladybugs all over her and ever since those two events I get pretty crazy when I see a ladybug? Now that my story has been validated by you is it okay that I have this fear? How crazy does that sound?

I recently received a letter from a youth I've been mentoring for almost 2 years and on top of bringing out a few emotions of my own that weighed in, the majority of why I wrote this post was because of his piece. With his permission I am letting you have a glimpse of what he wrote because it brought tears to my eyes and reminded me once again of what is important and what is not.

         "Dear Josh,

          ....It's been a little while since we last spoke but I wanted to fill you in on life at the shelter. It's kind of funny because I thought that running away and leaving my past behind would help, but as you and many older peeps already know, it don't work that way lol. So you obviously remember how I told you about how bad it was with my mom and my dad and what my school life was like, well now I have it just as bad, if not worse. 

When anyone from the shelter finds out that my parents have money, nice cars, and they live in a nice neighborhood, I automatically get shitted on. Is that even a word, shitted on, haha? Then all over again I get bullied, excluded, made fun of, you know all the usual. I try to tell these kids that I had it bad and all that other crap doesn't matter, but they just laugh and tell me to go buy someone to care. I swear it makes me want to snap again. I want to go mental on these kids, but then guess what, right back again to the beginning. Where I'm the maniac, I'm the evil one, I'm the one who is out of control. 

I don't know what more I can do. Its not only the kids, even most of the staff treat me different. Some have told me to get over what has happened and just "make nice" with my parents so I can go back to "paradise"!! How much I wish I could show these idiots how their idea of "paradise" is actually my "hell" in reality..."

I don't think there is much point in sharing any more of the letter, but hopefully it's clear what we are trying to say. Maybe "don't judge a book by its cover"? Have you heard that one before? You want to know one of the pieces of advice I actually gave this young man of 17 years of age? I told him the next time he is faced with the group of "Fatherless Fuckers" as he likes to refer to them, ask them if they would prefer to grow up hearing nothing everyday or if they would prefer to grow up hearing what a loser, failure and sorry excuse for a human they were everyday? Maybe just maybe they will choose the option of hearing nothing, at which point I told him to flash a bit of a smile and tell them well than maybe it was better growing up without a father than it was growing up with mine.

I'd just like to send a gentle reminder out there and ask that you all try to remember, it has nothing to do with how you feel about a situation or something you said or did to another, it's about how they feel about it. If you want to be the individual who always feels that their actions are justified and that other peoples feelings don't really matter when logic or truth is involved, take it from someone who knows firsthand, it can be a pretty lonely life!

Thank you very much for taking the time to read my blog posts and I appreciate any comments or feedback as always. Please if you like what you read here, become a follower and share with friends. For more information about what we do, you can visit www.HopeHouseYouthCharities.com and contact me at Joshua@HopeHouseYouthCharities.com. For more about Joshua Stern, you can visit www.JoshuaStern.ca

The Math Just Doesn't Add Up!

Last night while working on a youth program focused on what it takes to be a hero, it was as if that Looney Tunes Anvil fell from the sky and landed directly on my head! Just like that I was inundated with a thought so simple, but at the same time so sophisticated and capable of accomplishing amazing things. I find myself always searching for a better way to communicate, an easier way of articulating thoughts to words and what is the simplest way of getting a good point across. This topic is one of these moments for me.

Often times when I am running a program or engaging youth through a speaking role, you will find me talking about how "the math just doesn't add up". It is such a ridiculously obvious fact to me, yet somehow I feel like I, as well as many others, are struggling to get this point across. The context in which I use this term, while working with youth, is typically when I am describing the bullying phenomenon that is apparently crippling our society these days. In case you have never had the opportunity to partake in one of our programs or speaking engagements, it would go something like this. I would address the group I am working with and start by asking a few questions.

Me: How many students attend this school?

Random Student: I think about 500!

Me: Okay, out of these 500 students how many would you say are bullies? Just a guess will be fine.

Random Student #2: Maybe 20?

Me: Okay, lets say 50 just to make it easy. What is 50 out of 500? Which group has the edge?

Random Student #3 (Now laughing): Obviously there are 450 more regular students then there are bullies!

Me: Precisely, so why do we have a bullying problem?

Right after that last line is said we generally are met with some silence and then a lot of ruckus. Again, it seems so simple to me, yet in reality it just isn't so. What are we missing? How is it possible that 50 bullies can survive amongst 450 non-bullies? Maybe we are looking at some of the wrong things? Maybe the other 450 kids have a difference of opinion regarding these so-called 50 bullies? Maybe the students as opposed to fearing these other kids actually have some feelings of remorse or humanity towards them? Maybe the other youth are capable of understanding that there is more than meets the eye? Maybe we should do everything in our power to do the same? All I know for sure is that if I'm walking through my school courtyard and 5 kids are picking on 1, all I have to do is grab 10 of those 450 available kids and what could those 5 bullies possibly do to a wall of 10 students that are saying, "Not Today"! It's time we remember there is strength in numbers and its about time we start teaching our youth the same! Does this not sound so logical and so simple? So what in your opinion is the problem? How does such a small and insignificant percentage have the ability to reek such havoc?

The second instance where the numbers just don't add up for me, is when we look at the government or the wealthy members of society and we act as if they have all the power. This is exactly what they'd like you to believe, but it is very far from the truth. We the people have all the power and it's always been this way. The problem is that throughout the generations the fear has grown exponentially and it has left us with a society of people who are afraid to stand up for what they believe in and they are afraid to fight for what's right. All because of the fear of what could happen to us as an individual or the people we love. The more we live in fear, the more things will remain the same and in fact, continue on this downhill slide we have been on for a very long time. We have all the numbers and its staggering the difference between the two. If we as a society, community, City, State/Province or even Country could come together for one cause could you imagine what we could accomplish? Think about it like this, if we the people of Canada decided we were going to boycott Chrysler Cars for whatever the reason, and we actually did it, how long do you think it would be before Chrysler Canada goes belly up? How quickly would Chrysler have to scramble in order to "win" us back? Again I just shrug my shoulders and wonder why we don't have the ability to come together and make change, when mathematically everything is in our favor.

Just to hammer this topic home I have one last scenario I'd like to share. I live in a world where I expect to get value for the money I spend. I know it may sound crazy this day and age, but its true. I don't enjoy walking into a retail store and handing money to a clerk who can't even get off his or her cell phone to acknowledge me standing there and me providing them with income! Do I have to spell that out? When you walk into a Dry Cleaners for example, and you spend $200/month with them, does it not occur to you that you are helping to feed their family? Do we all forget that people used to do business only with people they knew and trusted? When I was younger every person my father did business with had been to our home for a social evening. In other words they were friends as well as business men and they both were aware of this fact. Without getting to far off topic, the point I want to make is this. Why aren't we looking for more value when we spend our money and why are we not realizing that based on simple Economics, if we don't spend our money, businesses struggle?

I live in what many people would describe as a fantasy land, and I'm okay with it because in my land, people are aware of the power they possess and people are able to make change when its needed. Think about it like this. Will Smith is the most bankable movie star of the past 10 years. So basically any film company, such as Warner Brothers or 20th Century Fox, knows that there is a simple math equation to follow:

Will Smith + Any script you can come up with + Film Company= $$$$$$$$$$$$$

What then would happen if we as a society decided that we don't like Will Smith any more and we won't support any of his films? How long would it be before Will Smith never made another movie? So when these movie companies and moguls come into your small town or city to film, what do you get in return? I have a crazy idea, lets use an equation of our own, you want us to support your actors and your movies, then how about you build a school every time you film on location? Or maybe you build a community centre, a daycare, a hospital, or just whatever is needed. Something that shows us, the people, that we are getting value for the Hundreds of Millions we spend on Movies and Entertainment?

Once again, the math just doesn't add up for me.

Thank you for taking the time to read, comment, support and be a part of my world! I truly believe that we have the ability to accomplish anything we want! We have the power, we just need to realize it and come together as one. When we can get to that point, we can do anything! Won't you try to change the world with me?