If the title of this post has you scratching your head or scrunching your face, I accomplished exactly what I set out to do! I know how ridiculous it sounds and it most certainly must be just as ridiculous to read, but yet it's a reality we face everyday with the youth we work with. I may have mentioned it in a previous post, but watching kids physically fight over who had it worse growing up, has to be one of the more mind boggling events I can recall. Obviously the feelings and emotions that were brought out of these kids were their own, but the reasons behind them were not. The fuel that fired their actions was the result of society's ruling of "who has it worse".
If for example the news outlets consistently report about kids getting in trouble from low income neighborhoods, yet ignores some of the very same scenarios in more affluent parts of town, we automatically get a very skewed version of the truth. We work with kids from every walk of life, all backgrounds and very different income brackets and we keep hearing them say the same things. A girl who grew up pretty and skinny could never have it as bad as a girl who grew up over weight and unattractive and a kid who grew up with parents could never suffer as much as a kid who grew up with one or no parents. I don't think I need to continue, but I want to make it clear that it's these types of mentality's amongst our youth, which make it difficult for them to reach out for help. Not only that, but it's just not true.
If society believes that because you're pretty, popular and live in a wealthy area that you should have little or nothing to complain about, why would you ever reach out for help? If you have a different skin color you automatically have it worse, so what should a "white boy" ever have to complain about. Do you know how many times I've heard that one? If perception is reality and we can agree on that, can't we see that all this judging and grouping is completely unnecessary? Who cares what someone else thinks about how you feel. The last time a loved one hurt your feelings, would it make you feel better or worse if they told you that you were being silly and that there is no way THEY could have hurt YOUR feelings? Do you realize what I'm saying? Who gives a $%&@#& what anyone else thinks about your feelings!! If I tell you I am deathly afraid of lady bugs, I don't care how ridiculous you think that makes me, they are my feelings. Should I have to explain to anyone that when I was a kid I had horrible nightmares of being overcome by thousands upon thousands of ladybugs and when my mother killed herself and I found her, there were ladybugs all over her and ever since those two events I get pretty crazy when I see a ladybug? Now that my story has been validated by you is it okay that I have this fear? How crazy does that sound?
I recently received a letter from a youth I've been mentoring for almost 2 years and on top of bringing out a few emotions of my own that weighed in, the majority of why I wrote this post was because of his piece. With his permission I am letting you have a glimpse of what he wrote because it brought tears to my eyes and reminded me once again of what is important and what is not.
"Dear Josh,
....It's been a little while since we last spoke but I wanted to fill you in on life at the shelter. It's kind of funny because I thought that running away and leaving my past behind would help, but as you and many older peeps already know, it don't work that way lol. So you obviously remember how I told you about how bad it was with my mom and my dad and what my school life was like, well now I have it just as bad, if not worse.
When anyone from the shelter finds out that my parents have money, nice cars, and they live in a nice neighborhood, I automatically get shitted on. Is that even a word, shitted on, haha? Then all over again I get bullied, excluded, made fun of, you know all the usual. I try to tell these kids that I had it bad and all that other crap doesn't matter, but they just laugh and tell me to go buy someone to care. I swear it makes me want to snap again. I want to go mental on these kids, but then guess what, right back again to the beginning. Where I'm the maniac, I'm the evil one, I'm the one who is out of control.
I don't know what more I can do. Its not only the kids, even most of the staff treat me different. Some have told me to get over what has happened and just "make nice" with my parents so I can go back to "paradise"!! How much I wish I could show these idiots how their idea of "paradise" is actually my "hell" in reality..."
I don't think there is much point in sharing any more of the letter, but hopefully it's clear what we are trying to say. Maybe "don't judge a book by its cover"? Have you heard that one before? You want to know one of the pieces of advice I actually gave this young man of 17 years of age? I told him the next time he is faced with the group of "Fatherless Fuckers" as he likes to refer to them, ask them if they would prefer to grow up hearing nothing everyday or if they would prefer to grow up hearing what a loser, failure and sorry excuse for a human they were everyday? Maybe just maybe they will choose the option of hearing nothing, at which point I told him to flash a bit of a smile and tell them well than maybe it was better growing up without a father than it was growing up with mine.
I'd just like to send a gentle reminder out there and ask that you all try to remember, it has nothing to do with how you feel about a situation or something you said or did to another, it's about how they feel about it. If you want to be the individual who always feels that their actions are justified and that other peoples feelings don't really matter when logic or truth is involved, take it from someone who knows firsthand, it can be a pretty lonely life!
Thank you very much for taking the time to read my blog posts and I appreciate any comments or feedback as always. Please if you like what you read here, become a follower and share with friends. For more information about what we do, you can visit www.HopeHouseYouthCharities.com and contact me at Joshua@HopeHouseYouthCharities.com. For more about Joshua Stern, you can visit www.JoshuaStern.ca
If for example the news outlets consistently report about kids getting in trouble from low income neighborhoods, yet ignores some of the very same scenarios in more affluent parts of town, we automatically get a very skewed version of the truth. We work with kids from every walk of life, all backgrounds and very different income brackets and we keep hearing them say the same things. A girl who grew up pretty and skinny could never have it as bad as a girl who grew up over weight and unattractive and a kid who grew up with parents could never suffer as much as a kid who grew up with one or no parents. I don't think I need to continue, but I want to make it clear that it's these types of mentality's amongst our youth, which make it difficult for them to reach out for help. Not only that, but it's just not true.
If society believes that because you're pretty, popular and live in a wealthy area that you should have little or nothing to complain about, why would you ever reach out for help? If you have a different skin color you automatically have it worse, so what should a "white boy" ever have to complain about. Do you know how many times I've heard that one? If perception is reality and we can agree on that, can't we see that all this judging and grouping is completely unnecessary? Who cares what someone else thinks about how you feel. The last time a loved one hurt your feelings, would it make you feel better or worse if they told you that you were being silly and that there is no way THEY could have hurt YOUR feelings? Do you realize what I'm saying? Who gives a $%&@#& what anyone else thinks about your feelings!! If I tell you I am deathly afraid of lady bugs, I don't care how ridiculous you think that makes me, they are my feelings. Should I have to explain to anyone that when I was a kid I had horrible nightmares of being overcome by thousands upon thousands of ladybugs and when my mother killed herself and I found her, there were ladybugs all over her and ever since those two events I get pretty crazy when I see a ladybug? Now that my story has been validated by you is it okay that I have this fear? How crazy does that sound?
I recently received a letter from a youth I've been mentoring for almost 2 years and on top of bringing out a few emotions of my own that weighed in, the majority of why I wrote this post was because of his piece. With his permission I am letting you have a glimpse of what he wrote because it brought tears to my eyes and reminded me once again of what is important and what is not.
"Dear Josh,
....It's been a little while since we last spoke but I wanted to fill you in on life at the shelter. It's kind of funny because I thought that running away and leaving my past behind would help, but as you and many older peeps already know, it don't work that way lol. So you obviously remember how I told you about how bad it was with my mom and my dad and what my school life was like, well now I have it just as bad, if not worse.
When anyone from the shelter finds out that my parents have money, nice cars, and they live in a nice neighborhood, I automatically get shitted on. Is that even a word, shitted on, haha? Then all over again I get bullied, excluded, made fun of, you know all the usual. I try to tell these kids that I had it bad and all that other crap doesn't matter, but they just laugh and tell me to go buy someone to care. I swear it makes me want to snap again. I want to go mental on these kids, but then guess what, right back again to the beginning. Where I'm the maniac, I'm the evil one, I'm the one who is out of control.
I don't know what more I can do. Its not only the kids, even most of the staff treat me different. Some have told me to get over what has happened and just "make nice" with my parents so I can go back to "paradise"!! How much I wish I could show these idiots how their idea of "paradise" is actually my "hell" in reality..."
I don't think there is much point in sharing any more of the letter, but hopefully it's clear what we are trying to say. Maybe "don't judge a book by its cover"? Have you heard that one before? You want to know one of the pieces of advice I actually gave this young man of 17 years of age? I told him the next time he is faced with the group of "Fatherless Fuckers" as he likes to refer to them, ask them if they would prefer to grow up hearing nothing everyday or if they would prefer to grow up hearing what a loser, failure and sorry excuse for a human they were everyday? Maybe just maybe they will choose the option of hearing nothing, at which point I told him to flash a bit of a smile and tell them well than maybe it was better growing up without a father than it was growing up with mine.
I'd just like to send a gentle reminder out there and ask that you all try to remember, it has nothing to do with how you feel about a situation or something you said or did to another, it's about how they feel about it. If you want to be the individual who always feels that their actions are justified and that other peoples feelings don't really matter when logic or truth is involved, take it from someone who knows firsthand, it can be a pretty lonely life!
Thank you very much for taking the time to read my blog posts and I appreciate any comments or feedback as always. Please if you like what you read here, become a follower and share with friends. For more information about what we do, you can visit www.HopeHouseYouthCharities.com and contact me at Joshua@HopeHouseYouthCharities.com. For more about Joshua Stern, you can visit www.JoshuaStern.ca
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