"Kid's don't worry"!

I decided to do a bonus blog this week because I was moved by a couple of experiences over the weekend. I thought they were important enough that I shouldn't wait another week to write about them.

"Kids don't worry" is the title to this post, but I wanted to make clear that this is an actual statement made to me by more parents than I would like to acknowledge. These are often the same parents who explain to me that children should enjoy childhood, it's the best time of their lives, they should be carefree, and well, I think you get the gist. I want to be clear right from the get go that I am no Scrooge, I don't want kids to suffer, I don't think they should be little soldiers, or anything drastic/extreme like that. What I do believe is that childhood is NOT the best time of our lives, how could it be if we are barely cognizant of what it is that's going on around us? Maybe being a child would be the best time in life if we could vividly remember how awesome it was to see this world through the eyes of a child, but I don't know many adults that are capable of this, do you?

"Kids DO worry". That's my rebuttal. I'm serious though, do any of you know of kids that don't worry? I'm not only talking about worrying about health, money, or food, it could be something as simple as they are worried about whether or not they will get their pacifier back. From a very young age children have the ability to take on what they hear, see, feel, taste, etc., so if you were a worrying parent, don't you think your child would naturally worry about things? If you walked about the house and you were high-strung, always motoring at a mile a minute, and frantically looking like you were going to lose your mind everyday, what do you think your child would be like? Even if you were not a worrier yourself, think about all the other individuals in your child's life, think about all the imagery they process. If we can accept that a child's mind is like a sponge when they are young and developing, what do you think that sponge would look like if it was taking in negativity? Given the amount of negativity in the world we live in today, a child has almost zero chance of not being affected without extreme intervention from all the caregivers in his or her life, and that is what I am fighting for.

Instead of us walking around oblivious to what our children are going through, maybe we should take our blinders off a little bit and have a look at the world we really live in. I believe its definitely time that we understand that our kids are really struggling in this new world we live in. Kids are being raised by babysitters, nannies, day cares, and a variety of others, but they are not being raised by their parents. I'm not pointing a finger and trying to blame anyone. We are all products of our environment and the majority of us are doing are very best just to keep our heads above water. In another post we will talk about why maybe now more than ever it is extremely important how much planning is involved when it comes to having a child. For me having a child meant one parent had to be home period. I don't care how it had to be done, that was one of my rules if I was going to bring a child into this world. I made a conscious decision that even if I had to live in a smaller house, drive a less fancy car, and live in a less than desirable neighbourhood to do so, that was what I would do. It actually scares me that more parents aren't prepared to do so, especially when statistics show that its not the environment or neighbourhood which determines how your child views this world, its you! To be extreme a hands on parent could technically offset the majority of bad experiences a child has if they are their comforting and communicating with them the whole way through. If a child saw a murder or something horrible like that and was left alone to process it, most likely that would be a very negative outcome. However if a trusted adult such as a parent had comforted that individual and explained what happened and why, that same child has a very good chance of not being affected at all.

The point I am trying to make here today is that kids do worry, and we should not teach them that childhood is for fooling around, living carefree, etc.. We should definitely teach them to enjoy life, and to seek out happiness, but if we don't start preparing them from a very early age what this world is truly like, aren't we doing our children a disservice? If children are sponges than the more we can teach and show them from a young age, the more they would incorporate these elements into their own lives. Think about it like this, would you have a child and wait until he was 10 years old to start teaching him manners? Would you tell everyone else that "he's just a kid and I wanted him to enjoy his childhood, I figured there was plenty of time to teach him!" Does that sound crazy to you? So why would we wait for X amount of years to start teaching them what to worry about and what not to worry about? The earlier we can help anyone find their personal path to success the better, so for me that means starting with your children from the very beginning.

In case once again we think that environment plays the biggest role in child development I'd like to give you a couple of examples. I work with several at-risk youths and a variety of children from all kinds of backgrounds, including some of the worst you can imagine. Would you believe me if I told you that I deal with two 9 year old's, who are both females, and their backgrounds and environments are polar opposites. The one girl lives in what most people would describe as "the ghetto" or "the hood", she lives with her mother and baby brother in government housing, the father is no where to be found, the mother works like a dog, and I'm sure you get the picture. The other girl is the daughter of a very prominent lawyer, she lives in a beautiful house, in a beautiful neighbourhood, has a stay at home parent, and a nanny. Can you guess what I'm going to say next? Believe it or not, the girl who we think lives in paradise, has more struggles, worries, and stress than the girl who we think would be losing her mind. It's actually quite simple, the one girl lives in a world of smoke and mirrors, where as the other girl has had her feet firmly planted in reality since she was a baby. On top of that, the little girl from the ghetto who's mom is never around, she has structure and rules like you wouldn't believe, and her mother and her spend a minimum of 30-45 minutes per day communicating about life, and believe you me, her mother does not sugarcoat much. The girl in paradise has hardly any rules, her parents don't talk to her honestly about the world she will one day live in (How many times have you seen a negative outcome from sheltering a child), and they teach her that as long as she has money and a good job, everything will work out.

Maybe if we take a few minutes and we really look at things for what they are, than we can actually start to get some of the results we so desperately are after. Guess what else, if the example of the young girl I just described was true, than you don't need money, a big house, 2 parents, and a great neighbourhood to raise a successful child, you need love, honesty, communication, dedication, and perseverance. All of which do not cost a penny!


Hopefully something I have written here today resonates with you or maybe even strikes a chord. I hope so as that is always my intent. I would like to ask as always if you would be willing to comment and support my blog by spreading the word in any way, shape, or form. Nothing is more important to me than the success of our children, if that is something you think is important, maybe we have something in common and we can help each other.

Excerpt from my Guide to At-Risk Youth

As I have been spending the majority of my writing time focused on completing my At-Risk Youth guide, I wanted to share yet another excerpt which truly hit home for me. I'd like you to take a moment and let what I have written resonate before you hopefully comment or leave feedback.

This next excerpt is from a report entitled “Restorative Justice and The Youth Justice System.” This report was prepared by, “The Centre for Research on Youth At Risk”. Outside of the fact that I have been directly involved with the Youth Justice Services of Scarborough, Ontario, I believe it’s essential that we focus on what they are trying to accomplish. As recently as March 2012 we ran an Anti-Bullying Certificate program with 12 kids between the ages of 12-17. We specifically created this program in an attempt to provide these at-risk youth with an alternative to being criminally charged. Each participant had been formally arrested, but between the Police Services and the Youth Justice System, they decided that it would be much more beneficial if these kids had an opportunity to learn about their mistakes and actions before they are introduced to the criminal justice system. I can only tell you that I am absolutely thrilled that we were able to get this pilot project approved. The kids that we worked with responded so well to our program I was literally brought to tears. I guarantee you that any individual that spent 5 minutes with some of these kids would never dream of punishing them, all you want to do is give them a hug and tell them everything will be okay. The program was so successful we will be running a minimum of two more before the end of the calendar year. The community, educational, and parental support has been overwhelming.

“In many cases, youth crime takes an emotional toll on victims, witnesses, friends and communities. Victims of crimes against the person or property crimes may experience a wide range of reactions from anger and bitterness to fear and helplessness. The Youth Justice Renewal Strategy while holding young people accountable for their actions is also concerned with addressing the issues and concerns of victims in relation to public safety.  From a restorative justice perspective, the most significant aspects of crime are that it victimizes citizens and communities. The juvenile justice system should focus on repairing this harm by ensuring that offenders are held accountable for making amends for the damage and suffering they have caused.  Large segments of the Canadian public consider imprisonment as the only true measure of justice and the only yardstick by which to measure whether society's response is "tough" enough. Yet the reality is that much crime involves conflict and it is not possible to create opportunities to resolve conflict or encourage healing for either party with a focus on imprisonment and incarceration for young offenders. The world over we question the value of raw punishment in socializing our children in an attempt to ensure compliance. We need to apply this same questioning to our public policy: Why hurt people who hurt people to show that hurting is wrong?  The most important questions for restorative justice do not focus on whether to punish or treat offenders.”

             

    In my opinion they are right on point with what is currently the attitude of most adults, and what NEEDS to happen in order for some positive change to occur. What in the world would ever lead us to believe that using extreme punishment with children would result in a positive outcome? I’m sorry to be so blunt, and I do want to say that there are obviously exceptions to every rule, but in general what were we thinking?

I believe it’s again a psychological phenomenon that is actually responsible for this situation. As we grow from youth to adult many changes occur, and one of the most significant changes is in our psyche. To illustrate my point, we will use my life as an example. If I was an extremely loud, aggressive, and violent youth, as I fully transition to adulthood I actually start to repress who I once was the more I mature, and the more I learn to control myself. In other words I now am a parent to an almost 5 year old boy and even though I am so aware of my past, there are many moments where my young son will act in the same manner I would have, and because I can’t make that connection I instead get very angered by his behaviour.

This is a very real and very regular occurrence, and it’s due to this fact that I believe as adults we have forgotten what it’s like to process like a child, and even worse we have forgotten what it’s like to process things as a child who struggles. What if as a child you didn’t really experience struggle, how could you effectively handle your own child if they do? If we can be honest with ourselves and acknowledge that we don’t have the answers for everything, maybe children would benefit more, than if we try to come up with an answer merely because of our own egos. Would you rather be honest with your child or would you prefer to always be right?

If we can take ourselves out of the equation and try to understand that if a child needs help and maybe we don’t know the best way to help, wouldn’t we be teaching our children the best lesson available if we ourselves reached out for help? When it comes to raising children wouldn’t you agree that we all want to provide the best we possibly can for them? If you were never an athlete and your son desperately wanted to play basketball but you never had, would you try to teach him yourself, or would you want him to have the best basketball coach you could find? If we can agree that we would all most likely choose the coach, why when it comes to behaviour or emotions can we not have the same attitude?

Another alarming statistic is that more than half (56%) of all victims of youth violence were other youths. What that tells me is that a large number of innocent kids are being negatively affected by the actions of others. Make no mistake about it, if youth who are not at-risk are consistently exposed to youth who are at-risk, there will definitely be fall out. If this is just another reason why we should do everything in our power to help all these kids, isn’t it a pretty good one. To be redundant yet again, if in a perfect world children were not exposed to violent images, would you agree that would drastically reduce the number of violent youth? At the very least I’m sure we can all agree that it’s a good start.

We must do everything we can to get at these kids as early as possible in order to begin laying the proper foundation. If we look at raising our children in the same regard that we’d look at building a house, again I’m certain we would all agree that outside of proper planning, mapping, and all other pre-requisites have been dealt with, the foundation is the most important part of the house. Now obviously the planning and development stages of building a house and raising a child require many of the same steps, but for some reason both are not what they once were.

Unfortunately it appears that in our current society we put more effort and careful planning into buying or building a house, than we do when it comes to planning for a baby. The ironic part of all this is that the quality of new homes today is almost comparable to the children of today. What I mean by that is we are not investing the proper time, patience, and effort in both areas and the results are extremely obvious. The reason I chose houses and children is simple; houses used to be built with quality craftsmanship, attention to detail, and several other good old fashioned values, now it’s a race between multi million dollar developers to see who can buy up the most land, build the most houses in the shortest amount of time, and for the cheapest work available.

I’m certain that the vast majority would agree with my description, with the exception of people who can afford to hire the best builders around, but even then it is always a race to see how many houses you can build, and it always comes down to who is the cheapest trade. In other words, just because you are paying a fortune to a nice businessman in a fancy suit to build your house, the actual plumbers, electricians, drywall installers, etc. are most likely the cheapest trades possible. It’s almost as if we have taken on the same mentality, if not worse, when it comes to having kids, and raising them. I specifically made “having kids” and “raising kids” as two separate entities because in my mind there are many people out there having kids, but unfortunately there are not enough people raising kids.

If we can’t agree that our children need the best pre-planning available, the best blueprints, and the best foundation, why would we ever be surprised when our children don’t end up the way we hoped or expected? Would you honestly invest in the building of a house without the best pre-planning, the best blueprints, the best builder, and hopefully the best foundation? Maybe some of you answered no, maybe some of us have no choice? Maybe that is something to discover during the pre-planning stages. Most of us would agree that if during the pre-planning stages it became abundantly clear that you could not afford this venture, you would probably wait until you could. WHY WOULD WE NOT DO THE SAME WHEN IT COMES TO OUR CHILDREN? It’s time we stop disillusioning ourselves and come to the understanding that if children are not properly guided and raised the whole way through, anything can and probably will happen.

We have children and than we decide to let neighbours, daycares, nannies, and all other kinds of people raise our children. Does it sound as awkward to you as when I write it? I would sacrifice everything in order to properly raise and protect my child, and I’d hope that the majority of parents out there felt the same. If we are not around, or we are too busy, too tired, or too pre-occupied to properly raise our children, what do we expect from them? There is no bigger and more important role that you could ever play in life than that of a parent. If you aren’t as dedicated to being a parent as you were to becoming a doctor, lawyer, or truck driver, what do you think will be lacking in the long run? Would it be your child, or your professional life? We are all so consumed with making money, having enough money, and hopefully making things easier for our children with that money, that we are forgetting that guiding and raising them is way more important than being able to buy them nice clothes, the latest IPhone, and money for the movies!

A little bit of fate never hurt

Are you by any chance one of those people that has trouble making decisions? Do you often find that you don't take advantage of opportunities that are presented because you talk yourself out of it? I know I have been in the past, and sometimes I find myself falling back into old habits, but not lately.

Have you watched or heard of the movie "Yes Man" with Jim Carrey? It's obviously an extreme version of what I'd like to focus on today, but essentially he is a man that always says no to everything. After an extreme event he decides he is going to start saying yes to almost everything and seeing where life leads him. It's basically an analogy for taking your hands off the "steering wheel of life". I thought it was an interesting take on the subject and obviously quite entertaining, but the part I truly enjoyed was the message behind it. For me that message was pretty simple, "nothing ventured, nothing gained".

In my life I have incorporated a little bit of the "Yes Man" mentality, only with a small twist. I do my very best to just say yes to several things that I may have hesitated about, or not even considered in the past, but when I am really stuck I pull out my good old quarter. Yup you heard correct, it's my way of letting "fate" decide. "Heads I'm going to do it, tales I'm not." I can't tell you how much easier making a decision becomes when you allow it to be determined by a coin toss. Obviously one of the rules is once you flip the coin you must be bound by its results or you are tempting fate. I can only imagine the inconsistencies and results if I was to flip the coin, see the results, and then choose to go against it? That sounds truly crazy to me.

I have used the coin flip many times over the course of my life, but definitely in the last year or two since I began this next chapter of my journey, I have taken full advantage of my coin toss. Easily more than 100 times I have struggled with a decision, pulled out my quarter, and regardless what the result was I went with it. If nothing else the serenity I feel is incredible. Once the coin is flipped, the decision will be made! There is no point worrying about it from that point on. It has helped me tremendously and I believe it could help you to.

I know there will be some people that think this is absurd or crazy, but maybe its just not for you. I don't base monumental decisions on a coin toss, but when I have a decision to make that could go either way, I find it to be the simplest way to get closure and move on to the next item. Getting stuck in any situation is not positive, so anything that can help alleviate that, I'm all for it. Making decisions can be stressful, flipping a coin to determine that choice is not so stressful.

Last night is a perfect example and the reason for this blog. I had been contacted by an old friend and she invited me to the city for an evening on the town to catch up. I hadn't seen her in a while, my stupid analytical brain started to do its usual thing (thinking of way to many reasons why the night would not be a good thing), it was a bit of a drive, and I'm a bit of a procrastinator. Without fail, as has been the case many times over recent months, I pulled out my trusty quarter and decided to let fate have the last word. Once again, as has been the case over recent months, I am so glad I did. When I lifted my hand to reveal the "heads" side showing, a large smile came over my face and I decided I had better go get ready to meet my friend.

I had such an incredible evening I can't even begin to describe how thankful I was for the coin flip of fate, and even more so its results. I had no idea my friend and I had so much in common, and the conversation and social aspect was very fulfilling. The bar hopping didn't hurt either and it felt really nice to just cut loose for a little while and have an evening with a woman that had no awkwardness to it whatsoever. So the moral of today's story is maybe try saying yes a little more, maybe try going against the grain for a change. Maybe just maybe if you struggle to make a decision, you'll incorporate the coin flip of fate, I know it has done wonders for me.

Please leave comments and feedback as it's always welcomed and invited!

Anti-bullying bill doesn't have public support: Study | Canada | News | London Free Press

Anti-bullying bill doesn't have public support: Study | Canada | News | London Free Press

The Glory of Love

I wanted to talk about a close friend of mines current family situation and the roller coaster ride he has been on for the past few months. Unfortunately for the outsiders looking in, it has been going on for years! I truly hope to gain as much feedback and commentary from this post as I truly want to help this friend as best I can.

In order to respect his and his family's privacy I will try to be vague where I can, and I have changed several of the elements but the story is intact.

My friend is a very attractive guy who has definitely had success with women, and when he met his common law partner, she was definitely a knock out. Unfortunately we would all hear about her behaviour and her family stories and we were all very concerned. She is several years younger than he is and she tried to toy with him a lot. She would often flirt with other guys, and be inappropriate with other men. She is very insecure and she fed off of the attention she could garner for her looks.

My friend fell hard, really hard. They had a very volatile relationship and before long she became pregnant and they decided to give it a go. She had nothing and neither did her family (at least that's what she led everyone including my friend to believe for many months) and so my friend took care of everything. I remember when he first moved in with her, to her apartment by school, she would complain to my buddy how she had no money and she couldn't even afford her school books. He paid for her books, her food, half her rent at least, and much more. He even would help her younger brothers and sister who had nothing. He'd buy them clothes, take them out to eat, and he'd help them however he could. After they had been together for at least 6 months my friend found out that she was not so honest about her family. It turned out her father, who had left when she was 13, was apparently worth upwards of 20 Million dollars. My friend as opposed to being mad that she had lied about so much actually just wanted to help her. He told her that he could help them all get their money. Within a few months my friend and his father had arranged a few lawyers to meet with, and I believe it was the 3rd lawyer that was the winner. Shortly after they retained the lawyer, my buddies girl and her 3 siblings all started getting monthly support. I'm not going to say she was fully taking advantage of him, but she definitely had it very good and she treated him like he was always expendable and easily replaceable. I don't know about you, but if I was in a relationship where my partner constantly made me feel like I was expendable or easily replaceable, I know I couldn't live like that, that must be a very worthless feeling. She'd show him text messages & Facebook messages from other guys just to drive him nuts and to show him how easy it would be for her to replace him.

Regardless my friend did the best he could, but he was losing himself. His friends were tired of being told he couldn't come out, knowing the reason was his woman's insecurity. How ironic that a gorgeous woman who would flirt with others, is constantly worried of her man cheating on her? Would that be self-projecting I guess? His family were tired of seeing him ready to finally wake the hell up, only to go back to her because he refused to leave his son and family. My buddy is old fashioned in that regard, he believes a family is the most sacred thing on this earth and you never turn your back on family.

It was a tough situation for me because I got all the stories, everything, and let me just say that one day I will write a book about his life with that woman, it was that unbelievable. He would come and tell me things that you would never think any person could take in a relationship. The way she would mess with him was truly crazy. The worst part about it was her craziness was actually starting to make my buddy doubt his own sanity. It was almost like textbook victim syndrome, where you start to feel sorry for and even attached to your abuser or captor. He would tell me how its ok that she had done whatever it was she had done that day because he had done something to deserve it. Another awesome part of it was my buddy started to smoke marijuana daily in order to cope/deal with his life, and I know its not an excuse, but he would literally go to his psychiatrist and they would discuss how smoking weed was the only way he could remain sane in his family and he was not prepared to leave. He tried quitting and going on a pill, but the pill rendered him useless, and when he'd quit his partner seemed to always deteriorate and they'd fight like crazy. Then he'd come tell me, how she would tell him that she hated his smoking, yet she bought him pipes and other paraphernalia, and she'd often ask him to go smoke weed? Obviously she used it against him too by telling him she would tell people he was a drug addict and he'd lose his child, even though she condoned it. In other words it was a crazy relationship.

They did however make the most incredible kid I have ever met, and that is as honest as I can be. I have never been around a child that is as clever and polite, and just straight up amazingly behaved as this kid is. My friend also happens to be one of the best fathers I have ever witnessed, and his love for his child is like nothing I've seen before. For years now his partner had been collecting money, and my buddy saw none of it. Even after he paid for everything for 3 years, went thousands of dollars into debt, bought a house for his family, bought a car for his girl, and did everything he could. I remember last year when he had to sell their house in order to pay off some of the debt they had incurred and to support his business, she had lots of money saved up and she did nothing to help him. While she decided to go back to University instead of working in her field after getting a certificate from College, he stepped up and said he would be the stay at home parent while she did that. She had more than enough money coming in from her family support every month, and this way my buddy could work on his business which had always been his dream. He actually thought he had it all figured out, with the exception of the being happy part.

Within 6 months of them living this new arrangement my buddy would come and tell me how his partner was calling him a loser, and telling him he should get a job because she doesn't want to support him. I honestly asked him if she was bi polar or something, because to me she is nuts. I asked him if this was not exactly what they had agreed to do 5 months ago? I asked him if he was not essentially the stay at home parent, and that still she didn't pay for him. Outside of rent and utilities, my buddy still paid for plenty with zero income! He paid for his car, gas, cell phone, groceries, life insurance for both of them, and so much more. He was going broke while she was getting rich and apparently supporting him.

Than the bomb dropped. Not 2 weeks after her family's financial support became finalized in courts, her mother received a multi million dollar cheque, all the kids got lump sum pay-outs (for the 3rd time), and all the kids got large monthly support, she told him they were done. I kid you not we all even talked about it after she decided to take him back a couple weeks later. We commented how it seemed like someone in her corner told her that if she didn't take him back and they went to court ever, it would look really bad how soon after the settlement she tried to leave him. It was like that story you hear about a husband or wife winning the lottery and then trying to not share it with their partner, that is exactly what this was like.

They didn't last much longer though, I think it was maybe 3 weeks and he found out she had been telling other guys that she was single and that she had been for quite some time. On top of that he found out she met with a banker behind his back and she had got pre-approved for a mortgage. She had saved enough money to put a down payment on a home by herself. My buddy even helped her find the house, he dealt with the Realtors, and he did the inspection for her. Than she came to him and told him he was not allowed to move into the new house she had bought and that the two of them were done. He could still see his son half the week, but other than that she essentially tossed him out on his ass. She even took whatever of his belongings from the house she wanted, and whatever my buddy couldn't store at his fathers house, she tossed in the garbage. If he didn't have his father around I don't know where he would go or what he would do. When he has tried to talk to her and tell her that she can't just leave him with nothing and no where to live, she tells him to get a job! He has refused to seek legal help thus far because he can't really afford it, and he is scared to have the ordeal take a negative toll on his child. I, his entire family, and all his friends have told him that if the rolls were reversed and he tried to treat a woman who was a stay at home parent, the same way she has treated him, that he would be burned at the steak for Caveman of the year or something!

He is very afraid for his son's welfare as her family and her are clearly not stable. It has been almost 3 months since they split and he has heard nothing from anyone on her side of the family. She apparently already has a new man that she loves, and she is already introducing this new guy on the regular to their child. It is honestly like my friend was removed and another guy just filled the slot. It's truly despicable the things she has said and done to him and all in an attempt to hurt him more. He cries to me all the time, he doesn't know what to do and he doesn't want to lose his son. But as he explains it to me, this was not even close to his plan. He now lives far from all he has ever known, his friends, his family, his neighbourhood, as he moved close to his partners family. He desperately wants to and has to start over again but how does he do that without moving away from his child? He has to get a job, find a place, and as I said before, start over. How does he do that while living in farm country watching someone else live his family dream, with his family?

This is why I have shared this story with all of you. I am truly hoping that many people can comment and provide feedback so that I can show it to my friend in hopes that it will have a positive affect on his mindset. I can't believe how broken he truly is right now. The best way I can explain it is he's lost all his mojo. Imagine your best looking, most charming and witty friend, and they think they are nothing and have nothing. Please help!!!

Learn to "Let it slide"

When I was living in Los Angeles during my late teens and early twenties I had a real close friend named Eric. Eric was one of those people that just made everything easier. With the exception of our love of sports and rap music we were literally from 2 completely different worlds. Whenever any of my friends came to visit from back home they often marvelled at how two oddballs like us ever became friends.

Eric was an extremely at-risk youth and he was a year or two younger than me. His father was out of the picture, his mother lived in Sacramento, and Eric lived between my house, his girlfriends house, his uncles' place, and really anywhere he could. He was extremely talented as an athlete and he and I regularly got beat up or threatened while running court together on the local street basketball scene. Unfortunately Eric had a problem with drugs and a major problem with drinking. Eric was a binge drinker, he didn't do it everyday, but when he did he would have a drink in his hand until he passed out. 

I always looked at Eric as someone I needed to protect, somebody that needed my help. I got him off of crystal meth, he got a job, he was healthy again, but I was always very worried with Eric because he was always one step away from falling. When I introduced him to his girlfriend they became a very cute couple but he depended on her probably a bit too much. Obviously Eric and I being so close he knew the majority of my life story, and we had shared many intimate details with each other. Despite all of Eric's issues and struggles I almost never saw him without a smile. I assumed it was because he was comfortably numb or it was just a facade, but how could he keep up an act with me? On more than one occasion he had come to me when shit had hit the fan and he'd say, "Just let it slide man". I ignored him the first few times and finally I got tired of it and I asked him what his deal was with that crap.

I remember what he told me like it was yesterday.

            "My dad left when I was 8, my mom was an alcoholic and she left me in Los Angeles around the age of 13. From there I bounced around from shelter, to foster care, the streets and everywhere in-between. I've seen everything there is to see with the exception of death, and with some of the drugs I've been on that may not even be true. I have known as much pain as I could have ever imagined and I'm only 21. Let it slide is my way of reminding myself that as long as I'm still breathing and I'm not in trouble with the law, what on earth have I got to worry about."

He then went on to explain how I hold on to way too much hurt and anger and its eventually going to kill me or ruin everything I love. I can honestly say that Eric was not the brightest individual, but he sure made a while lot of sense right there, and he pegged me pretty accurately. He was dead right and in the ten plus years since I've last seen or spoken with Eric, I have ruined many relationships and cost myself plenty in the process. It took me a long time to work it back into my mantra, but it's helped me immensely, especially as of late. 

I think the more we can all learn to "Let it slide", the more we may find that things a little bit easier to deal with. If it's one thing I've learned from people who have it as bad as anyone you could imagine or who have overcome some of the craziest events I have ever heard, it's that they have brighter outlooks on life than people who have  rarely experienced tragedy or struggles in life. The people who have hurt the most and who have been rejected by society, and sometimes their own families, still have a smile, and they still want to enjoy life the best they can. 

So I implore all of you out there who may have it pretty darn good, and I'd like you to try taking a few more deep breaths a day, and try to let things slide a little. What have we got to lose?