Making The Bus Monitor Cry!

I was alerted to this story by Roy Green of the Roy Green Show, thank you very much Roy, and to say I was sick to my stomach when I saw this video would be a grave understatement. I will first post the link here, and then again at the end of my rant so you don't miss it.
youtu.be/X6LtvfK8qsk

In a nutshell you have a group of students between the ages of 11-13 and they videoed 10 minutes of the most disgusting performance I have seen in a long time. These kids verbally assaulted a 68 year old bus monitor while laughing the whole time. The majority of it I don't want to repeat, but the highlights were "You fat f$@#", "Tell me where you live so I can come to your house and sh%& in your mouth", and many more incredibly rude and insensitive comments.

While my initial reaction is to have these kids strangled I quickly took a few minutes and in actuality it's the parents who should be held accountable. In what world do we live in that this behaviour could have carried on for 10 minutes, and on a school vehicle? Is there really nobody else that could have stepped in? How about pulling the bus over and refusing to move or refuse to let any kids off until the situation had been dealt with? How about identifying each of the students who were involved and have them remain on the bus until their parents could come collect them? I definitely don't have all the answers, and one of the reasons I decided to post this blog was to get others' feedback. What do you as parents, educators, community leaders, other students and children think? How should this situation be dealt with in your opinions?

I am going to be back on The Roy Green show this Sunday at 4:30pm EST and I would love to have some of you call in and provide us with some feedback and comments. This is truly something we need to get under control or it's only going to get worse. Are the parents of these children going to let their ego's get in the way and as opposed to dealing with these children appropriately they will get defensive? If we cannot get it through our heads that our children copy our every move. You know, "Monkey see, monkey do"! That is what is clearly happening here. Think about it like this, if you as a parent are watching TV and your child is either with you, or perhaps in the other room doing homework, if you are sitting there aggressively cursing at the person on television, maybe calling them a fat pig or something, are we actually surprised when our kid goes out in public and calls someone a fat pig? If when you talk to your spouse you are loud, aggressive, condescending, and possibly showing traits of a bully, how do you think your child is going to preform?

Maybe when we start asking ourselves more of these difficult to answer questions we will start to see positive change. I am the first to admit I've made mistakes, and many of them. Do you want to know who knows the most about my mistakes and what makes me imperfect? It's my 5 year old son! The more I communicate with him about those things, the better chance he has at avoiding them. I've had enough of hearing parents say they are "too tired after work", or "my kid just doesn't get it". I don't care how tired you are, and your kids certainly don't care, and you want to know why, because they don't understand why you are so tired, they are kids!! If you were worried about being tired maybe you shouldn't have had kids? Guess what else, it's you who doesn't get it, not your kids. The minute you decided making money, paying bills, watching the football game, going out with friends, or whatever else, was more important than raising your children, I don't know what else to say. If it's a Sunday afternoon and you want to watch football but your 7 year old child is your responsibility, maybe that day you don't put your wants first, and you make it about your child. I promise the outcome will be very positive.

I could literally write about this subject matter all day but the time for talking is quickly coming to an end. We must act if we want to see change and we must act now. I thank you all for taking the time to read and support my posts.

Please continue supporting in any way!

Here is the link again youtu.be/X6LtvfK8qsk

Bill 13

Early this year I posted a blog on the proposals of Bills 13 & 14, essentially know as the "Anti-bullying Bill". In a nutshell it gives Police the ability to criminally charge our students, and most importantly all schools are allowed to create, and use the specific wording, Gay/Straight Alliances in order to educate and create more tolerance.

Before I go any further I want to make it abundantly clear that I am so very behind ANY club or group who teaches and preaches acceptance and tolerance!

Now that I have that taken care of, I would like to air some of my concerns, and I would really appreciate as much feedback as possible as I believe this is a very important topic for the entire population. I'm not quite sure I understand why Gay students have become the poster children for bullying victims, but I for one am quite certain that Gay students are not the only students being bullied, and in fact, they probably aren't even the top group of bullied students. I work with at-risk youth every week, and I recently ran a certificate program with Youth Justice Services and I want to be very clear about this, not one of the kids I worked with are gay, or have ever picked on someone for being gay. The majority of the victims we worked with reported the majority of bullying focuses around appearance, weight, skin colour, clothing, and any visible physical or mental disabilities. Sexuality was the last thing on our list!!

The majority of the bully's we interviewed even went as far as saying they weren't interested in gay students, they didn't really register to them. I myself was raised with a father whose best friend was gay and acceptance and tolerance was something we grew up with. Unfortunately most people from my generation did not have the same experiences. I think it's incredible that we are taking the steps to educate and create more awareness, but I'm not sure that High School is the right place to start. Shouldn't we start with the younger kids? Maybe we should have Gay/Straight Alliances as early as Grade 1? Wouldn't those kids most likely grow to be extremely tolerant? At the very least we should hope so, because if it wouldn't work with the younger kids, what makes us think it will work with the older ones? Which age demographic are typically the best when it comes to learning new things and incorporating change? Would that be the young or the old?

My other concern is who will regulate these clubs? Who will ensure that the students who join such clubs will be protected, as opposed to possibly painting a very large target on their backs? What happens when there are over 1000 students at a specific school and only 10 of them join the club? How do we ensure those 10 kids are safe? Are we forgetting the other victims? Do we have a club for overweight students, or a club for the kids who are not athletic? We must think about all the victims. I for one was never gay, and that did nothing to lessen the terrible bullying I was a victim of for 2 years. Should I feel less important, or should I feel like my plight is not a valid one because I'm bullied for other reasons?

I believe this is just a band-aid fix, and I compare it to a community that is desperate for an arrest after some heinous crime had been committed a little too close to home. What I mean by that is society seems to need an arrest and a culprit behind bars before we can forget what happened and move on with our daily routines. This is a dangerous way to live. I'm terribly sorry that there have been some very unnecessary suicides over the past few years, but when we actually look at the number of students versus the number of suicides, it is so minuscule it wouldn't even register. Why don't we talk about that?

We need to take time and actually come up with more long term and complete ways to offset the At-Risk Youth phenomenon, which both bully and victim fall under. What we are doing now is just a rushed, "call to action" kind of mentality. We just need a fix, a solution, and we need it immediately! That way all the parents and community leaders whose children have not committed suicide, can go back to their daily routines without it even registering!

Please take time to leave feedback, argue with me, or whatever. I am open to all opinions and the best way to come up with great solutions, is to have plenty of communication and plenty of dialogue.

Why do I Struggle?

Why is it that I could wake up everyday and no matter how positive of a day I'd like it to be, I can't seem to make it my reality. I'm not saying I sit in bed and cry all day, nor am I saying that I can't function daily, but what I am saying is that while I walk around trying to show the world that it hasn't got the best of me, it feels sometimes like a dark cloud follows me around.

Is it because of the sexual assault I suffered as a young teenager? Is it because of the isolation I felt from about 9 years of age to my early 30's? Maybe it's because of the extreme violence I witnessed on the streets and being involved with the underbelly of society? Or maybe it's just that I have experienced so much pain that I just want to raise the white flag and start waving it hysterically? I'm not saying I'm the only one who has ever experienced these things, nor am I saying that I have experienced the worst that life can offer. What I am saying though, is as far as MY WORLD, and MY PERCEPTION, I've had more than enough. 

I believe that if we all tried to understand a little more about each individual, maybe there would be a lot less judgement in the world. It should never be a contest about who had it worse, or who should be more "messed up", based on experiences they had. If we can all agree that individuals process things very differently, and that there are several other factors that make an individual more resilient than another, why do we point fingers so often and allow our own perception to determine the worth of another's feelings? Dismissing and diminishing someone else's feelings will never result in a positive outcome so why bother? Can we not understand that saying absolutely nothing, even if we think the person is completely unreasonable, is the best thing to do? When someone has the courage to openly and honestly tell you how they are feeling, do not confuse that as someone who is asking you for advice. Advice is only good when it's asked for. Majority of the time that individual may want to just vent and let it all out. All they want from you is for you to react as if they ARE NOT CRAZY, and maybe try to make them feel like they are not alone. If our eye's "bug out", and we right away start trying to teach them or instruct them, they may feel like they are doing something wrong. Is there anything wrong with being upset or hurt, and wanting to share it with someone who you trust?

Could you imagine behaving this way with a child? What do we think we are telling our children if we diminish the way they process? Do we understand that when we behave in this manner we are telling that individual that they are unaware of their own feelings and emotions, when to appropriately use them, and essentially we are beginning to strip them of their ability to feel confident. To make a ridiculously obvious point, could you imagine a world where everyone of us had another person that followed us around and told us when it was appropriate to feel sad, hurt, happy, angry, etc.? That is almost where we are today and it's something I will dedicate my life to changing. Nobody will ever tell me how happy I should feel in a certain scenario, nor will I ever allow anyone to tell me how much I should cry, or what should make me want to put my fist through a wall. The only person that gets to determine the levels to which they will be affected is that specific individual.

We don't fully understand, and I don't think we ever will, what makes one person experience tragedy, and they literally lose their minds and can no longer function in mainstream society, versus another individual who spends 5 minutes shaking his head before he moves on and forgets. But the number one thing that offsets this phenomenon is to build resilience from as early an age as possible. The more we communicate with our children, the more they learn to be confident and comfortable expressing themselves & their feelings, and the more we can teach them that mistakes are meant to be made (and for a long time; adults make many mistakes too) and it's what we do after we make the mistake that determines who we are, than the more we increase the chances of successful growth.

 I believe the problem with waking up happy is a problem that I created and I allowed to control me for the better part of 20 years. Anyone who believes being happy or positive is just something that happens, I'd like to talk, but for me and many others out there, it's actually something that you have to work at. You must make it part of your daily routine just like anything else. It takes a conscious effort to not allow negative thoughts and energy enter your mind, let alone consume it. So maybe if we actually thought of it in the same regard as losing 10 pounds, we might just have a shot. If we can understand that using the same analogy it would be the hardest 10 pounds you ever tried to lose, than once again we are beginning to get the picture. Once we begin to get the picture, than we can do something about it!

As always please feel free to comment and pass along to anyone you think may enjoy! Maybe even pass it on to some people you think won't enjoy, who knows, the result may surprise us all.