Words to Remember!

It's quite rare that I decide to post another persons words, but I was so moved this morning that I just had to share.

According to the post I found it said that George Carlin is responsible for these words, but upon further research it appears as if they may belong to another. Regardless of who they belong to, and in ways I have been saying all this for a couple of years now, but I wish they were my words. I implore you to take a few moments, especially with the New Year right around the corner, and let these words resonate with you. Let these words remind you of what is truly important and what is not.

I wish each and everyone of you a fantastic, safe and of course prosperous New Year!! This year instead of making a ridiculous resolution that means nothing and has zero chance of accomplishment how about find a way to just do one thing in 2014 that you have never done before and try to help just one person in a way you've never tried before! I think if we all tried something along those lines, just imagine how amazing 2014 could truly be :)

Here is the post I want to share with you all:

       The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.

Remember to spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

And always remember, life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by those moments that take our breath away.

I choose life! What about you?

On a daily basis we are taking so much in externally is it really any surprise that we struggle so much as independent individuals? I don't know about any of you, but up until about 2 years ago I struggled to make some of the simplest life decisions. It would literally cripple me to purchase a clothing item because swirling around in my head were thoughts of; am I getting the best deal, is this the right fabric, were these jeans made in a sweatshop and a wide variety of others. Finally it occurred to me that the reason I was struggling so much was because many of the thoughts swirling around my head were not my own!

This was one of the major factors in my decision to get more in touch with my inner-self. I wanted freedom from all the regurgitated crap that we are all so accustom to, yet I fear the majority of us don't even realize that much of the things we carry around with us on a daily basis do not belong to us. Would you ever make it a daily exercise to drag around another persons 100 pound suitcase? Hopefully you all scoffed at that idea, yet on a mental and emotional level that is precisely what is happening.

I think it's about time that we pay more attention to what's going on inside and ignore a lot of what's going on outside. In case there is any confusion, by outside influences I mean radio, television, media, newspapers, other people and even our own eyes. Even though we see with our eyes, we process with our brains, so believe it or not, unless you train yourself accordingly, your brain tells you what you are seeing before your eyes ever get a chance. In other words we are allowing all these outside influences to determine the way we live as individuals. Doesn't that sound crazy?

I know it sounds a little strange and I know it sounds difficult but if you look at humanity on the whole, look how much more we were capable of in the past. The main reason for this is because they didn't have as many distractions. In the past you had no idea what was going on an hour away from you. There was no news, no radio, no way to easily travel back and forth and so people had more time to be in-touch with themselves. Large groups were able to accomplish amazing feats because they were all focused on one common goal. We have lost touch with this amazing ability because nowadays within 60 seconds I can easily find out what is happening on the other side of the globe. With so much horror and information to take in, why would I ever need to know what is truly going on inside of me?

Think about it like this, if you were hungry and you wanted to fill your appetite, would you hand a hot dog to another person, ask them to eat it for you and then you'd ask how it tastes and what the feeling of being full is like? I know, it sounds absolutely ridiculous, yet in our everyday lives we do things just like this. If I have a dream of what I want to be or goals I want to accomplish, at the end of the day, why would I ever tell my dreams to someone else and expect them to feel the same way about them as I do? My dream is mine and your dream is yours. It's like me expecting anybody else in the world to have the same connection I do with my child, it's just not possible. Another way of thinking about it is if you wanted to write a book and become a successful writer, would you want to get advice from someone who had tried unsuccessfully to get one book published over a 30 year span?

We are taught to believe that for the most part we are all the same. Well if you are using your eyes properly and you are actually processing what is really going on around you, would you ever tell someone that we are all the same? If we can agree that this world we live in is a crazy, backwards, amazing and beautiful mystery all wrapped into one, what do you want to do while we are here? Do you want to figure out why water is wet and why the sky is blue, or are you willing to accept that there are many questions you can't have answers to and so just find where you fit and spend as much time there as you can? That is one of the main thoughts we try to influence the youth to incorporate in their daily lives. So many of the youth we work with get so caught up in the "yellow tape" that they never actually make it to the real scene of the crime. If kids are worried about where the next meal is coming from or why the government seems so corrupt, how are we going to teach them to focus on doing something positive and worth while. The majority of them shrug their shoulders and say "What's the point?" We are the ones that have to show them what the "point" is!

I think we have way too many individuals that are literally comparable to a dog trying to catch its own tail. I don't even mean it in a negative way, its not our fault, but if we spend our time marching to the beat of other peoples drums, how do we ever expect to get where WE are heading? I know I live in a crazy world and I know things will not work out the way I expect most of the time, but the important part is that I'm okay with that and it doesn't get in the way of me achieving what I am here to achieve! For a second, please indulge this next rant. If we are actually beings that came to earth with a specific plan for our lives, how easy would you say it is to get distracted the moment you arrive? It's like me telling a 5 year old to walk from the entrance of Toys R Us all the way to the back of the store in less than 5 minutes, without stopping. How many kids do you think would be successful? Even if you had the greatest and most important task to achieve while you are here on earth, the moment you arrive you are surrounded by a proverbial Amusement Park full of distractions. We are almost set up to fail based on the way things seem, but I am here to tell you if we get back to internalizing things, we may not find it such an impossible task to achieve our dreams. I have learned how to turn my dreams into reality and everyone has the ability to do the same and we want to teach you!

Even in my line of work most organizations promote a message of ending bullying or putting a stop to bullying, whereas when we work with youth our focus is to help them deal and cope with bullying because much like other things in our lives, its something that as long as humans exist, so will bullying. Let's stop with the smoke and mirrors and as opposed to telling people that we can get rid of something, why not teach them how to live with it instead? Do you think you'd have more success keeping drugs away from your teenage child or would you have more success talking to them and preparing them for WHEN the drugs are present? I don't know about you, but if we can't solve the war on drugs, the war on terrorism, the war on..., I doubt we will have any more success fighting the war on bullying. Let's accept that it is a part of daily life and teach people how to prepare, avoid and  cope with it. That way we can move on.


I'm not a religious man, but I am a student of religion and the subject fascinates me. One thing that hopefully we can agree on is that god or whatever supreme being is responsible for all this, has truly only guaranteed us two things, life and death. It's up to us which one we choose and I can't speak for everyone, but I feel I am part of the small percentage who is still choosing life. If you actually thought about it, which one have you chosen?



As always your comments and feedback are essential to us being successful with our initiatives, so please, let's get talking!!

To find out more or to realize your own full potential, please reach out to Joshua@JoshuaStern.ca and you can visit www.JoshuaStern.ca for more.


Thank you again and much love and light to you all.

Competing for who has it worse?

If the title of this post has you scratching your head or scrunching your face, I accomplished exactly what I set out to do! I know how ridiculous it sounds and it most certainly must be just as ridiculous to read, but yet it's a reality we face everyday with the youth we work with. I may have mentioned it in a previous post, but watching kids physically fight over who had it worse growing up, has to be one of the more mind boggling events I can recall. Obviously the feelings and emotions that were brought out of these kids were their own, but the reasons behind them were not. The fuel that fired their actions was the result of society's ruling of "who has it worse".

If for example the news outlets consistently report about kids getting in trouble from low income neighborhoods, yet ignores some of the very same scenarios in more affluent parts of town, we automatically get a very skewed version of the truth. We work with kids from every walk of life, all backgrounds and very different income brackets and we keep hearing them say the same things. A girl who grew up pretty and skinny could never have it as bad as a girl who grew up over weight and unattractive and a kid who grew up with parents could never suffer as much as a kid who grew up with one or no parents. I don't think I need to continue, but I want to make it clear that it's these types of mentality's amongst our youth, which make it difficult for them to reach out for help. Not only that, but it's just not true.

If society believes that because you're pretty, popular and live in a wealthy area that you should have little or nothing to complain about, why would you ever reach out for help? If you have a different skin color you automatically have it worse, so what should a "white boy" ever have to complain about. Do you know how many times I've heard that one? If perception is reality and we can agree on that, can't we see that all this judging and grouping is completely unnecessary? Who cares what someone else thinks about how you feel. The last time a loved one hurt your feelings, would it make you feel better or worse if they told you that you were being silly and that there is no way THEY could have hurt YOUR feelings? Do you realize what I'm saying? Who gives a $%&@#& what anyone else thinks about your feelings!! If I tell you I am deathly afraid of lady bugs, I don't care how ridiculous you think that makes me, they are my feelings. Should I have to explain to anyone that when I was a kid I had horrible nightmares of being overcome by thousands upon thousands of ladybugs and when my mother killed herself and I found her, there were ladybugs all over her and ever since those two events I get pretty crazy when I see a ladybug? Now that my story has been validated by you is it okay that I have this fear? How crazy does that sound?

I recently received a letter from a youth I've been mentoring for almost 2 years and on top of bringing out a few emotions of my own that weighed in, the majority of why I wrote this post was because of his piece. With his permission I am letting you have a glimpse of what he wrote because it brought tears to my eyes and reminded me once again of what is important and what is not.

         "Dear Josh,

          ....It's been a little while since we last spoke but I wanted to fill you in on life at the shelter. It's kind of funny because I thought that running away and leaving my past behind would help, but as you and many older peeps already know, it don't work that way lol. So you obviously remember how I told you about how bad it was with my mom and my dad and what my school life was like, well now I have it just as bad, if not worse. 

When anyone from the shelter finds out that my parents have money, nice cars, and they live in a nice neighborhood, I automatically get shitted on. Is that even a word, shitted on, haha? Then all over again I get bullied, excluded, made fun of, you know all the usual. I try to tell these kids that I had it bad and all that other crap doesn't matter, but they just laugh and tell me to go buy someone to care. I swear it makes me want to snap again. I want to go mental on these kids, but then guess what, right back again to the beginning. Where I'm the maniac, I'm the evil one, I'm the one who is out of control. 

I don't know what more I can do. Its not only the kids, even most of the staff treat me different. Some have told me to get over what has happened and just "make nice" with my parents so I can go back to "paradise"!! How much I wish I could show these idiots how their idea of "paradise" is actually my "hell" in reality..."

I don't think there is much point in sharing any more of the letter, but hopefully it's clear what we are trying to say. Maybe "don't judge a book by its cover"? Have you heard that one before? You want to know one of the pieces of advice I actually gave this young man of 17 years of age? I told him the next time he is faced with the group of "Fatherless Fuckers" as he likes to refer to them, ask them if they would prefer to grow up hearing nothing everyday or if they would prefer to grow up hearing what a loser, failure and sorry excuse for a human they were everyday? Maybe just maybe they will choose the option of hearing nothing, at which point I told him to flash a bit of a smile and tell them well than maybe it was better growing up without a father than it was growing up with mine.

I'd just like to send a gentle reminder out there and ask that you all try to remember, it has nothing to do with how you feel about a situation or something you said or did to another, it's about how they feel about it. If you want to be the individual who always feels that their actions are justified and that other peoples feelings don't really matter when logic or truth is involved, take it from someone who knows firsthand, it can be a pretty lonely life!

Thank you very much for taking the time to read my blog posts and I appreciate any comments or feedback as always. Please if you like what you read here, become a follower and share with friends. For more information about what we do, you can visit www.HopeHouseYouthCharities.com and contact me at Joshua@HopeHouseYouthCharities.com. For more about Joshua Stern, you can visit www.JoshuaStern.ca

The Math Just Doesn't Add Up!

Last night while working on a youth program focused on what it takes to be a hero, it was as if that Looney Tunes Anvil fell from the sky and landed directly on my head! Just like that I was inundated with a thought so simple, but at the same time so sophisticated and capable of accomplishing amazing things. I find myself always searching for a better way to communicate, an easier way of articulating thoughts to words and what is the simplest way of getting a good point across. This topic is one of these moments for me.

Often times when I am running a program or engaging youth through a speaking role, you will find me talking about how "the math just doesn't add up". It is such a ridiculously obvious fact to me, yet somehow I feel like I, as well as many others, are struggling to get this point across. The context in which I use this term, while working with youth, is typically when I am describing the bullying phenomenon that is apparently crippling our society these days. In case you have never had the opportunity to partake in one of our programs or speaking engagements, it would go something like this. I would address the group I am working with and start by asking a few questions.

Me: How many students attend this school?

Random Student: I think about 500!

Me: Okay, out of these 500 students how many would you say are bullies? Just a guess will be fine.

Random Student #2: Maybe 20?

Me: Okay, lets say 50 just to make it easy. What is 50 out of 500? Which group has the edge?

Random Student #3 (Now laughing): Obviously there are 450 more regular students then there are bullies!

Me: Precisely, so why do we have a bullying problem?

Right after that last line is said we generally are met with some silence and then a lot of ruckus. Again, it seems so simple to me, yet in reality it just isn't so. What are we missing? How is it possible that 50 bullies can survive amongst 450 non-bullies? Maybe we are looking at some of the wrong things? Maybe the other 450 kids have a difference of opinion regarding these so-called 50 bullies? Maybe the students as opposed to fearing these other kids actually have some feelings of remorse or humanity towards them? Maybe the other youth are capable of understanding that there is more than meets the eye? Maybe we should do everything in our power to do the same? All I know for sure is that if I'm walking through my school courtyard and 5 kids are picking on 1, all I have to do is grab 10 of those 450 available kids and what could those 5 bullies possibly do to a wall of 10 students that are saying, "Not Today"! It's time we remember there is strength in numbers and its about time we start teaching our youth the same! Does this not sound so logical and so simple? So what in your opinion is the problem? How does such a small and insignificant percentage have the ability to reek such havoc?

The second instance where the numbers just don't add up for me, is when we look at the government or the wealthy members of society and we act as if they have all the power. This is exactly what they'd like you to believe, but it is very far from the truth. We the people have all the power and it's always been this way. The problem is that throughout the generations the fear has grown exponentially and it has left us with a society of people who are afraid to stand up for what they believe in and they are afraid to fight for what's right. All because of the fear of what could happen to us as an individual or the people we love. The more we live in fear, the more things will remain the same and in fact, continue on this downhill slide we have been on for a very long time. We have all the numbers and its staggering the difference between the two. If we as a society, community, City, State/Province or even Country could come together for one cause could you imagine what we could accomplish? Think about it like this, if we the people of Canada decided we were going to boycott Chrysler Cars for whatever the reason, and we actually did it, how long do you think it would be before Chrysler Canada goes belly up? How quickly would Chrysler have to scramble in order to "win" us back? Again I just shrug my shoulders and wonder why we don't have the ability to come together and make change, when mathematically everything is in our favor.

Just to hammer this topic home I have one last scenario I'd like to share. I live in a world where I expect to get value for the money I spend. I know it may sound crazy this day and age, but its true. I don't enjoy walking into a retail store and handing money to a clerk who can't even get off his or her cell phone to acknowledge me standing there and me providing them with income! Do I have to spell that out? When you walk into a Dry Cleaners for example, and you spend $200/month with them, does it not occur to you that you are helping to feed their family? Do we all forget that people used to do business only with people they knew and trusted? When I was younger every person my father did business with had been to our home for a social evening. In other words they were friends as well as business men and they both were aware of this fact. Without getting to far off topic, the point I want to make is this. Why aren't we looking for more value when we spend our money and why are we not realizing that based on simple Economics, if we don't spend our money, businesses struggle?

I live in what many people would describe as a fantasy land, and I'm okay with it because in my land, people are aware of the power they possess and people are able to make change when its needed. Think about it like this. Will Smith is the most bankable movie star of the past 10 years. So basically any film company, such as Warner Brothers or 20th Century Fox, knows that there is a simple math equation to follow:

Will Smith + Any script you can come up with + Film Company= $$$$$$$$$$$$$

What then would happen if we as a society decided that we don't like Will Smith any more and we won't support any of his films? How long would it be before Will Smith never made another movie? So when these movie companies and moguls come into your small town or city to film, what do you get in return? I have a crazy idea, lets use an equation of our own, you want us to support your actors and your movies, then how about you build a school every time you film on location? Or maybe you build a community centre, a daycare, a hospital, or just whatever is needed. Something that shows us, the people, that we are getting value for the Hundreds of Millions we spend on Movies and Entertainment?

Once again, the math just doesn't add up for me.

Thank you for taking the time to read, comment, support and be a part of my world! I truly believe that we have the ability to accomplish anything we want! We have the power, we just need to realize it and come together as one. When we can get to that point, we can do anything! Won't you try to change the world with me?

A response I received from the founder of The Jack Project!

For those of you that had a chance to read my previous blog you will already understand the title of this current post. For those of you that haven't had the opportunity to read it, the summary is as follows.

After watching an episode of W5 about mental health and mental illness among students, which focused on The Jack Project and the work of its founder Eric Windeler, I shared my thoughts about the subject and the organization. When I was sending out an email to let people know about the post I also wanted to include Mr. Windeler as I believe it's important he is aware. Today I received an email from Mr. Windeler and I thought I'd share it, and my response, with all of you.


"On 2013-10-03, at 11:52 AM, Eric Windeler wrote:

Hi Josh,

This message came directly to me. At first I wasn't sure how to respond. And this past week I've been away in the UK where I attended iaymh2013.com a global summit on youth mental health. My youth lead, and founder of our national student summit (unleashthenoise.com) was the plenary speaker to open the entire conference.

Suffice to say, based on what I see below, either you don't fully understand our approach and mission, or perhaps we disagree on approach. Ours is based on best practices in youth mental health and supported by CAMH, the Mental Health Commission, CMHA, etc.

Our approach is far from negative. In fact I'd say it's perhaps the most positive, youth-engaging and inclusive of any. We're proud of it and how young people are rallying around our message and initiatives. I encourage you to review all our sites and our approach.

I wish you the very best in your continued efforts to contribute to the well being of youth in Canada."

--
Eric Windeler, Founder
The Jack Project
c/o MaRS Discovery District
101 College St.
Toronto, ON M5G 1L7


thejackproject.org unleashthenoise.com rideforjack.com @TheJackProject


This is my response sent earlier today.

Hi Eric,

When I initially saw your email I was actually excited and somewhat anxious to read it in hopes that you were going to engage me. Unfortunately to my disappointment I received this. I am very well versed in your mission statements and I have visited your site many times and quite thoroughly in fact.

This email you sent me sounds like something that would play as a recording on your company answering machine if I had called to report a concern. Using CAMH as a leaning pole doesn't do much for me and if you don't realize that going into schools with the message you are brandishing, "1 out of 4 youth will suffer from a mental health issue", is reckless and unfounded, I'm not sure there is a point in us even communicating. In my eyes and in the eyes of many, you are creating a scenario where eventually people will accept that 25% of our kids are suffering and where will that lead, I'm guessing to more prescription drugs, which CAMH will be right there to dispense and prescribe. I know you are a business man Eric and so I know you will understand when I say that what you are doing is very comparable to the bottled water scenario. Many years ago we were told that bottled water is the way to go and all other water pales in comparison and tap water is bad. Truth of the matter is that tap water and even toilet water is probably safer to drink than the average bottle of water for sale today, but look what happened, everybody drinks bottled water.

I am further disappointed that you didn't counter any of my points, nor did you attempt to challenge me in any real way on this subject. Maybe now that it's a personal email you can answer me directly. Since when did depression, anxiety and panic disorder become mental illnesses as opposed to emotional issues? As far as I know, Schizophrenia and Bi-Polar disorder are real mental illnesses and while there are many treatments, there is no cure for them, but depression, anxiety and panic disorder can all be cured. Lastly, since when did not wanting to go to work in the morning for many days in a row make you depressed? For the majority of our population wouldn't you say that they probably hate going to work almost every single day of their lives? I guess they are all mentally ill too, or maybe they were mentally ill to begin with because they had little money and yet they got married and had kids and now they are dealing with that poor decision. Maybe that is a message you and I should go into schools promoting? Healthy choices, emotional awareness, communication skills, etc. Doesn't that sound a lot more positive to you?

The last question I have for you, which I have asked you several times and you have yet to respond, how is it that you have been quoted saying that you and your family had no idea there was anything wrong with Jack and yet somehow after his death you were able to obtain a diagnosis of mental illness? That has to be one of the only times in history that a doctor could diagnose someone whose brain is no longer functioning. Let me repeat this next fact again, if you or anyone else you can think of, is living with someone for over 15 years that had a REAL mental illness, you would know! There is no doubt, no surprise and no ability to hide it. Seeing that you are talking about CAMH, if you wanted to have a look at some real mental illness sufferers, you could always go there. I promise you won't leave there with the feeling that someone could hide a mental illness.

I could go on and on, and if you'd ever like to sit and chat or some other option, I'd always be interested and willing.

I hope that you can see my point and maybe you can realize that your intent may be great, but your method could improve. You want to help people, not hurt them.

Josh

I would be very interested to hear thoughts from all of you out there, regardless if they are good or bad. As always I appreciate the support, I understand if you disagree and all I ask is that you have a look with an open mind. At the end of the day I have one goal and one goal only. Helping all children grow to be successful adults. Thank you all once again for your continued support and for taking the time.

My response to a story about why so many University students are committing suicide

In response to the latest W5 Episode, from September 21, 2013, about student stress, mental illness and suicide, I had to immediately share some thoughts and information. First off, here is a link to the article and the episode, which ran this evening.

http://www.ctvnews.ca/w5/campus-crisis-why-are-suicide-rates-rising-among-university-students-1.1463654#commentsForm-436982

To speak for a moment about the angle this story was shown from and The Jack Project, I think it's a very detrimental message that’s being promoted and revered, under the guise of "helping". One thing I’m certain of is going into schools and preaching the message 1 out of every 4 students will suffer from a mental disorder, now line up and tell us about your problems, has to be the strangest thing I've ever heard. They are telling students that stress, anxiety and panic are mental disorders, which is not true. These are things that can be controlled and are caused by a variety of things that, if found, a solution is easily attainable. It’s a message that sounds like something pharmaceutical companies would be fighting over to fund.

As far as I'm concerned the only person who can distinguish a true mental illness would be a neurologist. I mean if an extremely intelligent person could easily fool a psychiatrist and court appointed professionals into thinking they were or were not depressed, manic, psychotic, schizophrenic, etc. should the term mental illness really be thrown around as loosely as we do? Trust me I have worked with 18-year-old street kids who would blow your minds. I'm talking Oscar award winning performances on both ends of the spectrum.

The only messages we should be promoting are positive solutions, good life planning, an open line of communication explaining the harsh realities of life and understanding that having a child doesn't mean you invented a robot whose entire life you get to control and dictate. That would make a lot of kids snap don't you think? Yes, if you are extremely overwhelmed and feel mentally challenged, seek help, but please don't think that feeling stressed about anything or having a depressed day or two or more, means you have a mental illness. Don't allow anyone to put that on you other than the appropriate professionals. Definitely don't let a man who was grieving the loss of his son so bad that instead of coming to terms and dealing with what could really have been the cause of Jack's suicide, he instead uses mental illness as a scapegoat.

Watch the video on The Jack Project website and look at a quote taken from this very article where Eric describes they had no idea anything was wrong with Jack. So how in the world were they able to have Jack diagnosed as mentally ill after he committed suicide? The fact remains he could have done it for a multitude of reasons and many of the youth I have worked with who talk about suicide or have thought about it/attempted it, would it shock you to believe not many of them are suffering from a mental illness? The majority of them had just had enough. Many had dealt with the kind of tragedy and lives we only read about or watch in the movies and others talked about the pressure of parents and not knowing where to turn for help.

In the short time that I have worked with Youth Assisting Youth, The Josh Project, Youth Justice Services of Ontario, Hope House Youth Charities, Horizons Youth Shelter and many others, I have encountered many youth with "real" mental illnesses and believe me when I tell you that there is no doubt they have one! You would never be living with a child who is one of these individuals and not notice this unless you were a drunk, a drug addict or an absent parent!

When the Jack Project was just beginning I met with Eric personally, as we were both embarking on what seemed to be similar goals towards helping youth, but when he asked me if I’d be willing to promote the mental illness angle and to tell youth that the reasons I struggled when I was young was due to mental illness. I told him I had no interest in promoting that message because it was untrue and that neither he nor I were professionals that should be sharing such a message with young impressionable minds. I would never want a teenager to believe that feeling anxious, depressed or panicky was reason to believe they were mentally ill. In fact I’m pretty sure the last time I was in the line-up for a Rollercoaster with my son I had an anxiety and panic attack. That definitely doesn’t make me mentally ill. Now that is something to tell our youth.

It's true that many of these kids are definitely facing uphill battles with all the pressures of University situations, but much of it is self-induced and the extreme pressure applied by parents. The youth today aren't properly prepared for the realities of life, the parents are too busy doing their own things, too busy trying to be their kids’ best friends, too busy trying to earn enough money or whatever else the reason could be. A lot of the time we see students that don't want to do the program they are registered for or they don't want to be in University at all, but they are terrified of what the parents will do/say. Sometimes the simplest answers are the hardest ones to digest. As I am often heard preaching, “the truth hurts and lies are comforting.” Maybe instead of blaming other people and other things for what happens to our loved ones and us, we start blaming ourselves.

For all the parents out there, unless your child has a diagnosed mental illness, if stress, anxiety, depression or panic kicks in, you better believe YOU probably had something to do with it. Let's stop looking for scapegoats and “band-aid” solutions and start educating our youth as early as possible about everything they will need in order to be successful in LIFE, not necessarily University. We need to promote positive solutions and stay away from labels! Just like many other situations in our current lives, we need to stop jumping to extremes and being so riddled by fear. 

As always you can find me at www.JoshuaStern.ca and contact me at Joshua@JoshuaStern.ca and now that I have joined forces with Hope House Youth Charities, which is responsible for our youth centre known as "The Corner".  We can be found at www.TheCornerToronto.com and we can be reached at JoshProject@TheCornerToronto.com. 

Thank you so much for all the ongoing love and support, without you all none of this would be possible!

You're Going To Do What???

That was the general response I received when I told my family and friends that I was embarking on a 10 day meditation/spiritual retreat to learn the art of Vipassana (pronounced Ve-Pashna) meditation. I myself wondered what I was in search for, what I was getting myself into and did something like this make me a crazy fanatical in search of answers.  As the day of departure grew nearer, I was a little bit nervous, a little bit excited and very anxious to see what could come of going to a place for 10 1/2 days and having no communication with the outside world and having to take a vow of complete silence for the duration of the course. On top of that we were kept to a very strict vegetarian diet and the last meal of any substance we would have was at 11 AM when we had lunch. At 5 PM we were allowed to have a couple of fruits and a glass of water or a glass of tea and that was it.

Our schedule began at 4:30 in the morning until lights out at 10 o'clock in the evening. Throughout the day it was approximately 9 hours of meditation every single day. One thing I can definitely say is that I was not nuts for having embarked on this journey and it was easily one of the most enlightening and personally gratifying experiences of my life. The best part for me was the strength I gained. Not only physically, but mentally and emotionally. I feel I gained all this strength from completing such a tough course especially for someone of our society and the mainstream flow. I can easily tell you that 4 of the 30 guys dropped out within two days of the course and many more were ready, but they persevered.

The women who attended the course work separated from us. We ate in separate halls, we had separate paths to walk and we had no interaction with anyone or anything, but ourselves and nature. We were also permitted, at 2 points of the day, to ask questions to our teacher with a 5 minute time limit. If you ever have doubt about what you can accomplish personally and sometimes you wonder about your inner strength or your drive I would definitely recommend checking out a course like this. If you are one that believes in the ability to have power over how your mind perceives things or you want to walk a path of enlightenment, I believe this is a great beginning. One of the determining factors for me is that it's a free course that works solely on donations from past participants of the course. In other words if you wanted to go to their website and donate money to their cause they wouldn't except any of your money unless you had been to one of the courses previously. Another aspect that truly resonated with me is that it had no religious ties whatsoever and the gentleman who taught us the course actually talked about how religion typically gets in the way of purifying ones soul.

The main precept behind this course is this is a way of life, not just a routine or religious practice. It's a way to purify ones soul. It's the way to eradicate personal misery and to let love and compassion be your driving force. I loved how the teacher focused on how one shouldn't react to having good moments or bad moments, the best thing we can do is to learn how to treat these moments exactly the same and to just accept them for what they are. We must understand that they are just moments and they will pass just like every other moment in life. Pain will pass, the joy will pass, the excitement will fade away and the sadness will dissipate. All are just moments which should be viewed as nothing more than that. I really attached myself to this way of thinking and I started seeing that if we could become masters of our minds, as this gentleman talks about, think about what we can accomplish.  It taught us to realize that anger and resentment were things that we multiplied when we didn't just view a certain moment, we reacted to it. For example I noticed within the first few days that the actions of some of the other participants were really getting to me, and if you knew me personally you would know that one thing I have always struggled with is not being understanding enough about the differences of others and not allowing the actions of others to affect me so much. As I noticed this was beginning to happen again, by the 3rd or 4th day I was starting to view others and their actions in a totally different way. The actions were no longer affecting me and instead of getting angry at someone's ignorance, I felt compassion and an urge to help. It was extremely powerful.

After successfully completing this course I can tell you that I feel re-born. I feel like I can achieve anything I set my mind to and I believe I am in better control of my mind, my emotions, my reactions and my life. There were no miraculous moments, no visits from any gods, nothing out of the mystical realm, just understanding the way your own body and mind work together and in most cases work against each other. In our everyday lives learning to be a master of your mind is a lifelong goal but something that I personally am willing to work on. I've always wanted to strive to be the best version of me and I think that everyone should want to have control over their minds, their destiny and their emotions. If that is something that interests you I highly recommend checking out this course. I could honestly write an entire book about my experiences and I probably will one day, but for now I believe this is a good start.

We also had to observe five other precepts during the course, which were:

1. No killing of any living beings (This included the ravenous swarms of Mosquitos that gladly fed on all participants)

2. Abstain from stealing

3. Abstain from all sexual activity

4. Abstain from speaking lies (very easy when one takes a vow of silence, not so easy when one speaks in daily life)

5. Abstain from all intoxicants



For more information you can visit www.dhamma.org

I'd love to receive comments from any other student of Vipassana, past or present, to get a variety of experiences and points of view on the subject.

In the words of our teacher, "May all beings be Happy"!

It Could All Be So Simple

I'm totally at a loss! I'm extremely frustrated, I'm overwhelmed and I honestly don't know what to think any more. I've been working with at risk youth now for over two years and I've got to say, the things that I've witnessed in such a short period of time, are more than I think the average person could handle. Our kids are fighting a losing battle and what saddens me the most is that the parents seem to be the number one problem in the majority of the cases we work. I am honestly truly confused as to what we can do when it comes to rescuing a severely at risk youth from their family home or from their parents.

I can't tell you how troubling it is to see the extremely negative reaction that we receive from the very people that hire us to go and help their children, assess their children and rescue their children. Then when we are prepared to discuss our findings, and God forbid those findings tell us that there is a major disconnect between children and parents, all of a sudden those same parents completely lose their ability to recognize that the only reason we are here is to help your child. There is no other reason whatsoever. Yet time and time again I'm faced with parents who just cannot accept or wrap their head around the fact that their actions are what's causing their children to suffer as much as they are.

There is no easy solution, it's a very, very difficult situation and I truly believe the saying "between a rock and a hard place" was made for these cases. Most recently I worked with a severely at-risk 16 year old boy and according to his family, they told me that within the last few weeks they'd notice some significant changes they were worried about. They mentioned drug use and they were convinced that something was mentally & emotionally wrong with their son. When we were brought into the case we began our research and our background work. After meeting with several individuals what became evident was that this was not a problem that started, or  even escalated a few weeks ago. It was something that has been going on for  multiple years and I don't know how it's not being noticed.

I don't know how individuals such as Amanda Todd or Rehtaeh Parsons walk through life dealing with these Demons and nobody has a clue as to what's going on. I find it utterly unimaginable. In an attempt to keep this post somewhat short I'm going to highlight a point from my latest book, "At risk youth, it takes one to know one" and it sounds so utterly simple, yet it's still not happening enough! If your child came to you and asked you to teach them how to play basketball or how to change the oil in your car and you had never done it before or were not proficient at it, would you even think twice about getting some outside help for your child whether it was a basketball coach or a mechanic friend? Is there any doubt that we would do our best to find someone that was more well versed in the subject matter that your child was interested in? So why when it comes to their emotional health, their understanding of anger and all sorts of useful tools such as resilience are we not as quick to go out and find somebody that might be better suited?

We must be willing to teach our children how to be successful and how to have a healthy mind, body and spirit. If we are not capable of helping our children deal with anger and frustration and emotional distress, we had better find someone to help us! I hate to say it, but we should be more interested with our children gaining those types of skills, as opposed to learning how to skate backwards or lift the puck off the ice when attempting a slap shot.

Maybe when the time comes that as parents we can put aside our own ego's and pride and not be affected by what anyone else thinks of our parenting skills we will see change. I cannot stress this next point enough,  IT'S NOT A NEGATIVE NOTCH ON YOUR PARENTING BELT TO ACKNOWLEDGE YOU NEED HELP!! If the number one lesson that we should be willing to teach our children is that it's okay to ask for help, how would they learn that lesson any better than if we followed our own advice? Our children need to know it is okay and in fact essential, that they ask for help. If we can teach our children that it's okay to feel weak at times, it's okay to say we are hurting at times and it's okay to make mistakes, we will give them the greatest gift they could receive. If we do not have the wherewithal as parents to understand what are child is going through and we need to find them a basketball coach to teach them a jump shot or we need to find our mechanic friend to teach our children how to change the oil, and lastly we must be willing to enlist the help of a behavioral & emotional  specialist if we are unable to do the job. Who else will fight for our youth if not us?

Here We Go Again Another Tragic Ending!

I decided to hold my post on the Rehtaeh Parsons suicide for a couple of reasons. Firstly, I wanted to respect radio host and my friend Roy Green, who was having me on his show to discuss this tragic event. Secondly I wanted to do a little more research so I could truly speak to this very sensitive and heart wrenching story.

Before I even delve into Rehtaeh's story, I wanted to be very clear that one of the major reasons I'm writing this post is because I can't believe how many others have suffered the same fate and how many of them we are no longer speaking of. Maybe if we stop treating these cases like a "Movie of the week" special, they will actually resonate with society the way they should and we can make the necessary changes.

For those of you who are unaware of Rehtaeh and her case, she was a 17 year old girl from Nova Scotia, Canada. In a nutshell she was at a party and she was severely intoxicated, at which point 4 boys apparently decided this would be the perfect opportunity to pounce. Here is a quote from the article titled "Rehtaeh Parsons: A family's tragedy and a town's shame" by Wendy Gillis of The Toronto Star, referring to when Rehtaeh's mother found out about the evening she was raped:

"A photograph showing one of the teens having sex with her daughter — him giving a thumbs-up, Parsons throwing up out a window — had been captured. It didn’t take long before it buzzed into the phones of classmates, who BlackBerry-messaged it to others, who texted it to others."

I just want to stop there for a moment. How in the world was nobody else aware of these photos and how did no-one else step up and put an end to this? There wasn't one teenager that thought this was inappropriate or devastating enough to tell an adult? That to me is one of the most alarming facts of this whole story. Are today's youth so numb to these situations that they don't even know when something is grossly inappropriate? I myself have an almost 6 year old son and if he was a teenager and he came across photos like that and didn't alert me or another adult, I'd probably lose my mind. It's almost like our society is becoming a real life version of the book "Lord of the Flies". That's the book where kids deserted on an Island are forced to act like adults and if we can remember, that didn't work out to well. Kids are supposed to act like kids and adults are the ones who should act like adults and raise/protect our youth. The attack occurred in late 2011, which means this was going on for almost a year and a half. How in the world could nobody intervene during that time and make things better? I don't even want to get into how it's possible that nobody was charged in this case until anonymous online postings basically forced the RCMP to re-open it.  I have so many more questions and concerns, but I don't want to lose sight of why I'm writing this post.

I want to talk about a few other recent cases that should not go unnoticed. Hopefully we all remember Amanda Todd, if not just Google or YouTube her and you'll find a plethora of information. She was the young girl who took her own life after constant harassment for showing her breasts to a young boy online. You can also look at two of my own past posts about the Amanda Todd story. It saddens me that nobody talks about Amanda anymore, she was just the flavor of the month I guess.

Next up we have the Steubenville, Ohio rape case, where two 17 year old boys sexually assaulted a 16 year old girl who was drunk to the point of blacking out. Several photos and videos were taken of the assault and night in question, and then the images were passed around via the Internet and cell phones. Thankfully the 2 boys in question were charged and convicted and thankfully the girl is still alive, although struggling. I guess we will have to wait a few months to see how that one plays out.

Than we have Audrie Pott. Audrie was a 15 year old girl who was sexually battered at a party. Are we beginning to see a theme here?? Just like the others Audrie was intoxicated and barely conscious when a group of 3 boys thought this would be the perfect time to make their moves. Pictures of the night were spread via text message and Audrie hung herself as it was all too much for her. My favorite part of this story is how the defense lawyer for the accused boys, who were arrested only 6 months after the assault, stated that he doesn't see a link between the sharing of these images and the suicide of Audrie!

Maybe it's idiots like that guy, who are raising children of their own, that are responsible for youth that act like this. I honestly can't believe a professional adult came up with that line. That's like me saying I don't see the connection in getting punched in the face, even though I called the guy an asshole and told him his mother is a slut right before I got hit. Does anyone else see the lunacy in this or is it just me?

I honestly don't even know what to say about all the teenage boys who are committing these heinous acts. I'm seriously at a loss. Who is raising these kids is my first question. How does a 16 year old boy think that it's a good idea to not only take advantage of a seriously intoxicated girl, but to also take photos and videos of it to share with friends? These boys sound like animals and opportunists to me. Where has the innocence of being young gone. I won't even write what I truly think should be done to these boys because then somehow it will be me who is in the wrong. If I was a parent to one of these individuals, I can't even imagine what I'd be feeling. Maybe the problem is that I'm not their parent. Maybe they have the kind of parent that says these girls probably deserved it, or they were begging for it, or my personal favorite, kids are just being kids.

I could write about this subject for days, but the fact is teenagers are killing themselves at alarming rates. In Alberta, Canada, in one year the number of pediatric suicides jumped from 14 kids in 2011 to 33 kids in 2012. This year so far there have been more than 5 teenage suicides. What do we think is the cause? Is it something in the water? Are kids just being born differently? Or maybe we are just failing our children as parents and adults? In my humble opinion its definitely the latter. I work with many youth who are at-risk and not at-risk and the number one thing that seems to connect all the cases I have been privy to, is a major lack of parenting. We must have an early detection system in place that allows us to properly asses all youth from as early an age as possible. Through schools or other community initiatives we have to find a way to get at these youth in order to establish what is missing and how we can get these children the support and guidance they truly need. Without this I'm afraid we are fighting a losing battle because as long as the family structure continues to deteriorate and money gets tighter, the kids are the ones who suffer. Who is raising our children if not for us?

As always at The Josh Project, The Corner and Hope House Youth Charity we are dedicated to helping all children grow to become successful adults. Please join us in this extremely important and necessary task however you can. We need you, but more importantly the kids need you. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog and please do everything you can to pass this message along. Your comments, questions and concerns are always welcome!

Hope House Youth Charity and The Corner Toronto

I am very excited to share with you all our merging with Hope House Youth Charity and our new home at The Corner Toronto. We will finally have a full-time place for us to house all our programs and to open our doors and our hearts to as many local youth as possible! I wanted to also let you have a sneak peak at our media release!

The Josh Project is pleased to announce our new partnership with The Corner, formerly known as The Tikva House, in Toronto, Ontario. We have finally secured our first facility to run our multitude of youth empowerment programing and it is located in the Bathurst & Lawrence area of Toronto.

The director of The Corner, Yonah Budd and the director of The Josh Project, Joshua Stern, couldn’t be a better fit for each other and local youth. We like to call them the Batman & Robin of the Youth Empowerment sector. Yonah has over 30 years experience in rescuing youth from all types of at-risk and addiction scenarios and Joshua is the living, breathing example of how one can successfully turn their life around. Together they form the real life “Dynamic Duo”. The Old and the New have joined forces to assist as many youth as possible.

At “The Corner”, which is located at 3173A Bathurst Street in Toronto, Joshua’s vision of “Marion’s Place” will finally be coming to fruition thanks to the belief of Yonah.  This Drop-In centre will be available at all hours to give youth a safe, clean, positive and healthy environment to spend time at, as opposed to the streets or other unsupervised places. We will offer easy access to community and social services while providing free meals and a positive learning environment for youth in need.

Unfortunately the numbers are quite staggering when it comes to youth-at-risk and far too many young people are struggling. Whether it’s family issues, feeling isolated, addiction or lack of adult support there is definitely no shortage in the need department. We must realize that the typical school or work scenario does not apply to many of these youth that are struggling. For these individuals it is more about survival.

We take an approach of encouragement, guidance, consistency and discipline in order to help these youth during these extremely difficult times. Teens that find they struggle typically feel alienated, like their lives have no meaning or purpose and that they are unable to make positive choices and change. We are here to provide these youth with the ability to trust themselves and the ability to make good decisions. There are not many options for a lot of these youth and shelters or group homes don’t offer the support and growth needed to be successful.

At The Corner, The Josh Project is committed to creating a safe, peer-focused, learning and fun environment for our youth. We will offer a full range of support programs, addiction counseling and referral services for young adults. From understanding our emotions and addiction assessment to tutoring services, resume writing and job finding programs we will do everything in our power to support these individuals on their journey from youth to adult. We empower youth through relationships, mentors, peer support and life coaching.

The Corner and The Josh Project offers a safe space for youth to engage in positive programming to better their lives and the communities they live in. Our facility will be a great place for youth who are struggling, recovering or at-risk. We are here for you.

Thank you all for your ongoing love and support. Without it and you, we wouldn't be where we are today! Special mention to Yonah Budd, thank you for reaching out!

Something That Shouldn't Be Missed

I recently had this sent to me and in an attempt to get it as much attention as possible I decided to post it in my blog.

I know it's been almost a month since my last post, but I'm happy to say its for good reason. On top of "Straight Up Saturdays", which was the feature of my last post, I have secured two more regular Programs, one taking place at Marshall McLuhan Catholic School and the other at Terrace Residents. Needless to say between my regular routine, working on my 3rd book and being dad to a fabulous 5 &1/2 year old, it has been difficult to find the time.

I plan on at least one post per month and hopefully as time goes on I will be able to do it more frequently. I would like to regularly update you all on the progress and success of our programs, so I believe this will definitely be the platform.

Have a moment to take a read and I think it's definitely something we should share with as many people as possible. With the exception of maybe the "Robbie" scenario, I think all of these are very accurate and quite frightening.

Let me know what you think and as always I appreciate all the support. Let's keep fighting the good fight.

SCHOOL  1950s-1980s vs. 2012 Scenario : Johnny and Mark get into a fight after school. 1950s-80s - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up best friends. 2012 - Police called, and they arrest Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it. Both children go to anger management programmes for 3 months. School governors hold meeting to implement bullying prevention programmes. Scenario : Robbie won't be still in class, disrupts other students. 1950s-80s - Robbie sent to the office and given six of the best by the Principal. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again. 2012 - Robbie given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADHD – result deemed to be positive. Robbie's parents get fortnightly disability payments and school gets extra funding from government because Robbie has a disability. Scenario : Billy breaks a window in his neighbour's car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt. 1950s-80s - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman. 2012 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care; joins a gang; ends up in jail.  Scenario : Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school. 1950s-80s - Mark gets glass of water from Principal to take aspirin with. Passes exams, becomes a solicitor. 2012 - Police called, car searched for drugs and weapons. Mark expelled from school for drug taking. Ends up as a drop out. Scenario : Johnny takes apart leftover fireworks from Guy Fawkes night,puts them in a paint tin & blows up a wasp's nest.  1950s-80s - Wasps die. 2012- Police & Anti-Terrorism Squad called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, investigate parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated. Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly in an airplane again. Scenario : Johnny falls over while running during morning break and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. She hugs him to comfort him. 1950s-80s - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing games. No damage done. 2012 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in prison. Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy and ends up gay. This should be sent to every e-mail address you know to remind us how stupid we have become!

Straight Up Saturdays

I want to start by apologizing for my somewhat lengthy absence from posting a new blog. I assure you I have been quite busy preparing programs, working with youth, being a single father to a boisterous 5 year old and completing writing projects, but I guess that's life! I will do my best to post more frequently in the near future, but somethings take priority and that is just the way things go at times.

For the main reason of this new post, I wanted to take a moment and share with you all a little information about a new workshop The Josh Project and The Joyeride are about to initiate. 

Joye Dunkley, from TheJoyeride.com, and I have come up with this great Youth empowerment program called "Straight Up Saturdays. The program will be held at Fallstaff Community Centre at 50 Fallstaf Avenue in Toronto,  in the Jane and Wilson area. 

The purpose of this initiative is to provide the essential tools that all youth need in order to grow to successful adults, while avoiding the pitfalls many of them face today. We chose an area where there is greater need as many youth who reside in this community face several situations of growing up at-risk. We hope to build confidence, instil resilience and help the youth with coping skills/mechanisms. On top of teaching the youth how to properly deal with emotions, anger management and the truth behind acts of violence, we will also be focusing on healthy eating and fitness habits. By engaging the youth in many different activities and real-life skills, our goal is to give these individuals the opportunities to be successful.

We are asking that anyone who would be willing to be involved or volunteer to please reach out and let us know what you are willing and capable of contributing. It's a great way to give back to our communities and helping our youth is truly a passion. Even if you have some suggestions as to how we can make this a great experience, your feedback would be greatly appreciated.

Hope you all enjoyed the Family Day long weekend and as always I ask you to think about some families that may not have had a great weekend for many reasons.

It's on us to improve the lives of everyone!