Excerpt #2 from "A Mother's Love; The Visits That Saved My Life

This section of the book is from pages 85-86 and it describes the first time I shared with my father premonitions I had about my mother.

In my case things seemed even bleaker, what are the odds or what would the ratio be, of people getting out of a life of crime, being surrounded by doubters and haters and still making it to where I wanted to be, where I believed I was born to be?  Fortunately for me, I was making enough money to pay my father rent, and hire an immigration lawyer to help get me back to L.A.  One of the plans we devised was to get a student visa, thus leading to a much easier path to the USA.  My father as usual was not supportive of my goals, and definitely not of my aspirations to return to L.A., but I was convinced my destiny was connected, and therefore I was going and that was that!  My father told me I had to turn over all my money to pay for Acting School, the lawyer, and other expenses, so I agreed.   In return, he would give me a bank card to use while I was back in L.A., an account that I suspect was the surplus from my car sale earlier that year.  As everything was slowly progressing, it was almost a year until I could attempt to go back to L.A.  Just before my 21^st birthday that year, my father and I were arguing about the money from the sale of the car; he was telling me he would hold onto it for safe keeping, and that technically it wasn’t my money.  The argument got extremely heated and I yelled, “You never support my dreams, you never think I’m going to fulfil my goals, and then you withhold my money making it impossible for me to obtain them!”  My father replied with, “Maybe as soon as you give up some of your ridiculous dreams, and focus on something more secure, then we won’t have so many issues!”  I was extremely angry, and I let my hurt and frustrations get the best of me.  “Why is it so hard for you to believe that this is my destiny, why must you always stand in my way as opposed to being my biggest supporter!?” He all but laughed at me and said, “You see nothing, what are you smoking these days, there’s no such thing as psychic powers, or seeing the future, stop being such a child, you sound very stupid when you say things like that!”  I had enough,  I couldn’t stand him anymore, “Oh, yeah, I can’t see anything, we will see, how about this one, within the next few months you will find out mom has cancer, and she will die before she’s 60!”  The words hadn’t even left my mouth by the time I realized the gravity of what I just said!  My father looked at me with a hatred I had never seen before, and he lashed out at me, “You are crazy, you’re nuts that must be it, I don’t ever want to hear another word about any of this bullshit ever again!”  With that he stormed away, and our relationship had been severely damaged!  Almost immediately I had wished for that moment back, I severely crossed the line.  Even if they all doubted me, and even if I allowed their doubt to affect my belief, I still had no business sharing that information with my father.  I swore I’d never use my abilities to cause pain ever again, and to be truthful, at that point I secretly wished I had no abilities at all.  I prayed to wake up feeling normal on a daily basis, I didn’t want to feel special or chosen anymore, and I wanted to feel that whatever I did I would be happy doing it and this burning passion inside would just flicker out.