I wanted to switch gears for a moment and comment on an amazing connection I had this weekend with a couple I had never met before. I knew I was in for a great weekend regardless because I had reconnected with my best friend from the time I was 4 until he moved away around the time I was 15, and our parents lost touch. The world works in mysterious ways sometimes, and if you pay close enough attention and start to trust your intuition, you may just find that the Universe sends you signs all the time, usually we miss them. Around the time my mother died was just when my buddy re-appeared, almost from nowhere. It was as if he was sent/drawn back to me, in order to help me during the tough time, and eventually he became one of my biggest supporters and inspirations for writing the book. He even helped save me from losing my family, and for that I am eternally grateful, and I hope I can repay the favour some day. Back to our weekend retreat to his family cottage deep in the wilderness sitting on a beautiful lake. The type of place where you are completely isolated, and taken away from all your worries. No cable, no Internet, just peace. We were having an incredible time bonding and getting to know the parts of each others lives that we had missed. That evening a friend and his wife joined us for a few drinks, and I was instantly drawn to both of these individuals. I can hardly describe the feeling other than it seemed like I had known them forever. As we started to talk, the connections were incredible, and when I explained to them my visions as a child, and the premonition of my mother dying, and the moment she came to me and was inspirational in my writing the book. They responded to me with stories of having connected with a best friend who had passed away, and it sent chills up my spine. Before the woman could tell me the details of her friends demise, I stopped her because I instantly saw in my head exactly what had happened. I asked her if she minded if I shared something with her and she immediately obliged. I told her that her friend would never want her to remember her that way, she would only want her to remember her from all the good times they had. I also explained that the reason her dead friend had come to see her once in a dream, was to tell her that she was okay, and she wanted her to move on. The last thing I told her was that her friend was now her young daughters spirit guide, who at the age of 1 and a 1/2 pointed to a picture of this friend, and told her mom that the girl in the photo was "broken", and she identified her by name! My new friends explained that they had never shown a picture or spoken to their daughter about this friend. As the evening drew to a close I reminded them to stay focused on their goals, and to write out a list of everything they wanted to achieve together, and to stick it on their bathroom mirror so they could see it everyday. I believe if any of us follow this routine, you may be surprised at the outcome if you focus on making that list a reality. When all was said and done, I am convinced that this whole weekend that just passed was one of those moments the Universe throws at you. I very easily could have passed on the trip to the cottage, and who knows how close I really came to not going, but I know that I am glad I did! The experiences I had were unbelievable, and they will continue to push me in the direction I am heading. I urge all of you to take the time and try to remember any moments such as the one's I have described, and maybe we will start to see that it's not so magical after all, and certain things are just meant to be!
Monday, June 27, 2011
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Teen Blogger shares 2nd blog
I remember being a kid, the one thing I will never forget about my "childhood", is having to take on the role of an adult.
I was always late for school because I had to walk my sister to her school, and I was consistently missing days when she was sick. My daily routine consisted of making breakfast, lunch, and dinner, cleaning everything, walking the dogs, bathing my sister and putting her to bed. Honestly my 5 year old sister was probably the only thing keeping me sane after our mother left.
At that point in time, my dad was a lost cause. He would lock himself in his room every night, he’d be too fucked up to move, let alone, be a father. I don’t even want to begin to think what would have happened to her if I wasn't around... Thank God for being able to be stable and assiduous... given the circumstances.
Two years had passed since my mom had left. At last my dad was starting to go out to meet new people. One night, he had met someone... and that was all it took. From that point on, my life had spiraled for the worst.
I had so much hate towards this girl for even thinking she could just walk in and take my place. I couldn’t believe that after everything I did to keep the family together, my dad was able to push me away. After mentally, physically and emotionally abusing me, all I gave him was forgiveness, and this is how he repaid me? I'm your daughter! I saved your other daughters life from years of depression, and questions that not one of us could have answered. How could that not mean anything to you?
I understand I may have been atrabilious sometimes... but is that any reason to hurt me? I had always said I would never be like my mother...I would never touch drugs or party. Ha.
But that didn’t last too long, after my dad’s new girlfriend moved into our house. Since I wasn't use to not being able to care for my sister, and not having her around all the time, it messed with my head; not to mention how very hard it was to get used to. She had always been there for me.
I was so tired of being trapped with these thoughts about my mom, and the hate I had built up inside of me. So I finally said screw it, and did what any young girl craving for attention would do. I put on those revealing clothes, and sure enough, I got the attention I craved. Before I knew it, I was so caught up in the drugs and partying all night and sleeping all day that I didn't know who I was anymore. At the time though I don’t think I really cared. I couldn't feel pain. It was great.
At the age of 16, I had already been to strip clubs, bars, after hour bars, clubs, hotel parties; you name it, I’ve probably done it. I loved my life again. But not too long after, the drugs had started taking their toll on me. I started getting depressed, started looking down on myself, and lost all the self-respect I had for myself. I needed help, but had no one to help me. I had no real friends. I never realized that until I needed help and no one was to be found. I felt helpless.
Luckily I had met someone who actually cared about me. I would just like to add that when you've been doing drugs for a while, it’s not that easy to just stop. Trust me when I say... it’s easier said than done.
Regardless of the situation, he stuck by my side. He helped me threw everything and help me accept my so called “childhood”. After meeting this guy I started to realize that. I don’t need the drugs and the liquor to have fun and live my life, and I especially don’t need to wear revealing clothes to get noticed. It was the wrong kind of attention. I had also realized that I shouldn’t care what people think of me because I AM pretty on the inside and out and I do have an amazing personality. All it takes is to believe in yourself, no matter your appearance or your flaws. No one can love you if you can’t love yourself."
I was always late for school because I had to walk my sister to her school, and I was consistently missing days when she was sick. My daily routine consisted of making breakfast, lunch, and dinner, cleaning everything, walking the dogs, bathing my sister and putting her to bed. Honestly my 5 year old sister was probably the only thing keeping me sane after our mother left.
At that point in time, my dad was a lost cause. He would lock himself in his room every night, he’d be too fucked up to move, let alone, be a father. I don’t even want to begin to think what would have happened to her if I wasn't around... Thank God for being able to be stable and assiduous... given the circumstances.
Two years had passed since my mom had left. At last my dad was starting to go out to meet new people. One night, he had met someone... and that was all it took. From that point on, my life had spiraled for the worst.
I had so much hate towards this girl for even thinking she could just walk in and take my place. I couldn’t believe that after everything I did to keep the family together, my dad was able to push me away. After mentally, physically and emotionally abusing me, all I gave him was forgiveness, and this is how he repaid me? I'm your daughter! I saved your other daughters life from years of depression, and questions that not one of us could have answered. How could that not mean anything to you?
I understand I may have been atrabilious sometimes... but is that any reason to hurt me? I had always said I would never be like my mother...I would never touch drugs or party. Ha.
But that didn’t last too long, after my dad’s new girlfriend moved into our house. Since I wasn't use to not being able to care for my sister, and not having her around all the time, it messed with my head; not to mention how very hard it was to get used to. She had always been there for me.
I was so tired of being trapped with these thoughts about my mom, and the hate I had built up inside of me. So I finally said screw it, and did what any young girl craving for attention would do. I put on those revealing clothes, and sure enough, I got the attention I craved. Before I knew it, I was so caught up in the drugs and partying all night and sleeping all day that I didn't know who I was anymore. At the time though I don’t think I really cared. I couldn't feel pain. It was great.
At the age of 16, I had already been to strip clubs, bars, after hour bars, clubs, hotel parties; you name it, I’ve probably done it. I loved my life again. But not too long after, the drugs had started taking their toll on me. I started getting depressed, started looking down on myself, and lost all the self-respect I had for myself. I needed help, but had no one to help me. I had no real friends. I never realized that until I needed help and no one was to be found. I felt helpless.
Luckily I had met someone who actually cared about me. I would just like to add that when you've been doing drugs for a while, it’s not that easy to just stop. Trust me when I say... it’s easier said than done.
Regardless of the situation, he stuck by my side. He helped me threw everything and help me accept my so called “childhood”. After meeting this guy I started to realize that. I don’t need the drugs and the liquor to have fun and live my life, and I especially don’t need to wear revealing clothes to get noticed. It was the wrong kind of attention. I had also realized that I shouldn’t care what people think of me because I AM pretty on the inside and out and I do have an amazing personality. All it takes is to believe in yourself, no matter your appearance or your flaws. No one can love you if you can’t love yourself."
Monday, June 20, 2011
Vancouver Riots, Part 2
I wanted to say how excited and overjoyed I was when I received a lot of response, personally, about my first blog about the Vancouver Riots, and even more so when I witnessed the incredible rising of the true Vancouver citizens who took their city back within 12 hours of the pathetic display of a few misguided, and probably drunk rebel morons, combined with the "herd mentality"!! How great it is to see that the people stood up and said, "This is not okay, this is not the way we live or represent ourselves, so we will do the only thing we can, fix it!" I was reminded of my time spent in Israel, and one of the aspects of the Jewish people in Israel that we hardly hear about, via our North American media outlets, which is that immediately after a suicide bombing, the residents do everything they can, and as quick as they can to resume life the way it was previously. For example, if a cafe in Jerusalem was the scene of a suicide bombing, they would clean up the streets, and do everything in their power to be sitting and drinking coffee in that same establishment by the end of the day if possible! When I inquired about this it was explained to me rather simply; "We must do everything in our power to show these animals and terrorists that no matter what they do to kill our people, they will never kill our pride and we must make them see that life goes on, and as quickly as possible." "To make it seem as if nothing had ever happened." Sounds to me like ignoring the kid who picks on you and eventually he will find someone else to bother!? Please continue to speak out and please continue to strive to make your world a better place to live. Then and only then will you truly feel euphoric.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Vancouver Riots
I wanted to comment on the events that transpired yesterday evening after Vancouver lost the Stanley Cup to Boston. Apparently some very disturbed individuals decided that rioting and destruction were the best ways to garner attention. Before we all throw the proverbial book at these troubled people, mostly youth & teenagers from what the news is reporting, I'd like to take a second and ask any of you if we could have seen this coming? Vancouver in recent years has become a breeding ground and a hotbed for crime, drugs, youth homelessness, gangs, and so on, and what are we doing about it?
Is it so hard to imagine for even a split second that the 17 year old you look at today with a tattoo, a nose ring, a green Mohawk, and leather pants, and all you see is a criminal or very disturbed individual, well why can't you imagine what that child appeared like a mere 4 years prior when he was 13? I bet if you saw that image you would have a very different opinion. If you actually browsed some of the pictures of the violators you would have noticed that they looked more like the kid next door than the description I just provided. We are all so willing to just sweep things under the rug, and pretend nothing is happening until it hits close to home. Maybe these kids, because that's all they are, are really misguided. Maybe instead of asking them what's wrong with them in an accusatory tone, we try to ask them if they need help!? I mean if something was wrong, you'd want help, wouldn't you? Instead of approaching these people with such hatred and animosity, and I'm sure as kids none of you perfect adults ever succumbed to peer pressure and did something you shouldn't have, maybe we could approach them with a little love, compassion, and understanding.
You wouldn't call a dog a hoodlum if you cornered it in a room, and were sticking a finger close to its face while telling it how useless, dumb and worthless it is in a loud aggressive tone, and the only way it knew to respond was with snarling, barking, and possibly a bite, would you blame the animal? If that same 17 year old who lit a car on fire last night because he is alone, hurting, confused, and very lost, was sexually abused at 13 and lived with an abusive step father until he ran away to live on the streets at 16 for his own safety, would you still have such anger towards him, or would you feel compassion and want to help? Enough is enough, let's take responsibility for our own actions, we are all part of society until we move away to the mountain tops and ignore everything, so until that happens, if you have a neighbour or a relative or an acquaintance that is hurting, or in need of attention, it is OUR DUTY, to do everything we can to help!
One leads to 100 which leads to 1000, and so on. If we continue to ignore these major issues, we will find ourselves living in Anarchy. These are the people who are eventually supposed to take over our society and help take it to the next generation? I'd say we are in big trouble if we ignore that 17 year old and all his issues, and we will see how he turns out all by himself, living on the streets or close to it, with no assistance other than from other kids in his situation, when he reaches the age of 25-30 do we actually believe that he will be okay, and a positive member of society, or maybe by then it's too late!?
I implore everyone to search your soul, and ask yourself if you could do more, then ask yourself if you would condemn a 17 year old who riots, or would you want to give them a hug and ask how you can help??
Is it so hard to imagine for even a split second that the 17 year old you look at today with a tattoo, a nose ring, a green Mohawk, and leather pants, and all you see is a criminal or very disturbed individual, well why can't you imagine what that child appeared like a mere 4 years prior when he was 13? I bet if you saw that image you would have a very different opinion. If you actually browsed some of the pictures of the violators you would have noticed that they looked more like the kid next door than the description I just provided. We are all so willing to just sweep things under the rug, and pretend nothing is happening until it hits close to home. Maybe these kids, because that's all they are, are really misguided. Maybe instead of asking them what's wrong with them in an accusatory tone, we try to ask them if they need help!? I mean if something was wrong, you'd want help, wouldn't you? Instead of approaching these people with such hatred and animosity, and I'm sure as kids none of you perfect adults ever succumbed to peer pressure and did something you shouldn't have, maybe we could approach them with a little love, compassion, and understanding.
You wouldn't call a dog a hoodlum if you cornered it in a room, and were sticking a finger close to its face while telling it how useless, dumb and worthless it is in a loud aggressive tone, and the only way it knew to respond was with snarling, barking, and possibly a bite, would you blame the animal? If that same 17 year old who lit a car on fire last night because he is alone, hurting, confused, and very lost, was sexually abused at 13 and lived with an abusive step father until he ran away to live on the streets at 16 for his own safety, would you still have such anger towards him, or would you feel compassion and want to help? Enough is enough, let's take responsibility for our own actions, we are all part of society until we move away to the mountain tops and ignore everything, so until that happens, if you have a neighbour or a relative or an acquaintance that is hurting, or in need of attention, it is OUR DUTY, to do everything we can to help!
One leads to 100 which leads to 1000, and so on. If we continue to ignore these major issues, we will find ourselves living in Anarchy. These are the people who are eventually supposed to take over our society and help take it to the next generation? I'd say we are in big trouble if we ignore that 17 year old and all his issues, and we will see how he turns out all by himself, living on the streets or close to it, with no assistance other than from other kids in his situation, when he reaches the age of 25-30 do we actually believe that he will be okay, and a positive member of society, or maybe by then it's too late!?
I implore everyone to search your soul, and ask yourself if you could do more, then ask yourself if you would condemn a 17 year old who riots, or would you want to give them a hug and ask how you can help??
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
An Important Reminder!!!
Someone sent me this amazing story and so I am sharing it with all of you, please pay close attention to the message, it will literally take less than 5 minutes, but it's impact will be everlasting!
THIS IS NO GUFF, check out http://www.socwork.net/2006/1/historicalportraits/wieler or google her name.
Subject: FW: WW II - Let us never forget
Look at this lady - Let us never forget!
The world hasn't just become wicked...it' s always been wicked. The prize doesn't always go to the most deserving.
Irena Sendler
There recently was a death of a 98 year-old lady named Irena.
During WWII, Irena, got permission to work in the Warsaw ghetto, as a Plumbing/Sewer specialist.
She had an 'ulterior motive'.
She KNEW (being German).
What the Nazi's plans were for the Jews
Irena smuggled infants out in the bottom of the tool box she carriedand she also carried a burlap sack in the back of her truck ,(for larger kids).
She also had a dog in the back that she trained to bark when the Nazi soldiers let her in and out of the ghetto.
The soldiers of course wanted nothing to do with the dog and the barking covered the kids/infants noises.
During her time of doing this, she managed to smuggle out and save a combination of 2,500 kids/infants.
She was caught, and the Nazi's broke both her legs, arms and beat her severely.
Irena kept a record of the names of all the kids she smuggled out and kept them in a glass jar, buried under a tree in her back yard.
After the war, she tried to locate any parents that may have survived it and reunited the family.
Most had been gassed. For those kids,she helped get placed into foster family homes or adopted.
Last year Irena was up for the Nobel Peace Prize.
She was not selected.
President Obama won one year before becoming President for his work as a community organizer for ACORN
And
Al Gore won also --- for a slide show on Global Warming.
< font color="black" size="5">
In MEMORIAM - 63 YEARS LATER
Please read the little cartoon carefully, it's powerful.
Then read the comments at the end.
I'm doing my small part by forwarding this message.
I hope you'll consider doing the same..
It is now more than 60 years after the Second World War in Europe ended.
This e-mail is being sent as a memorial chain, in memory of the six million Jews, 20 million Russians, 10 million Christians and 1,900 Catholic priests who were murdered, massacred, raped, burned, starved and humiliated!
Now, more than ever, with Iran , and others, claiming the HOLOCAUST to be 'a myth'.
It's imperative to make sure the world never forgets, because there are others who would like to do it again.
This e-mail is intended to reach 40 million people worldwide!
Join us and be a link in the memorial chain and help us distribute it around the world..
Please send this e-mail to people you know and ask them to continue the memorial chain.
Please don't just delete it.
It will only take you a minute to pass this along..
Thanks!
THIS IS NO GUFF, check out http://www.socwork.net/2006/1/historicalportraits/wieler or google her name.
Subject: FW: WW II - Let us never forget
Look at this lady - Let us never forget!
The world hasn't just become wicked...it' s always been wicked. The prize doesn't always go to the most deserving.
Irena Sendler
There recently was a death of a 98 year-old lady named Irena.
During WWII, Irena, got permission to work in the Warsaw ghetto, as a Plumbing/Sewer specialist.
She had an 'ulterior motive'.
She KNEW (being German).
What the Nazi's plans were for the Jews
Irena smuggled infants out in the bottom of the tool box she carriedand she also carried a burlap sack in the back of her truck ,(for larger kids).
She also had a dog in the back that she trained to bark when the Nazi soldiers let her in and out of the ghetto.
The soldiers of course wanted nothing to do with the dog and the barking covered the kids/infants noises.
During her time of doing this, she managed to smuggle out and save a combination of 2,500 kids/infants.
She was caught, and the Nazi's broke both her legs, arms and beat her severely.
Irena kept a record of the names of all the kids she smuggled out and kept them in a glass jar, buried under a tree in her back yard.
After the war, she tried to locate any parents that may have survived it and reunited the family.
Most had been gassed. For those kids,she helped get placed into foster family homes or adopted.
Last year Irena was up for the Nobel Peace Prize.
She was not selected.
President Obama won one year before becoming President for his work as a community organizer for ACORN
And
Al Gore won also --- for a slide show on Global Warming.
< font color="black" size="5">
In MEMORIAM - 63 YEARS LATER
Please read the little cartoon carefully, it's powerful.
Then read the comments at the end.
I'm doing my small part by forwarding this message.
I hope you'll consider doing the same..
It is now more than 60 years after the Second World War in Europe ended.
This e-mail is being sent as a memorial chain, in memory of the six million Jews, 20 million Russians, 10 million Christians and 1,900 Catholic priests who were murdered, massacred, raped, burned, starved and humiliated!
Now, more than ever, with Iran , and others, claiming the HOLOCAUST to be 'a myth'.
It's imperative to make sure the world never forgets, because there are others who would like to do it again.
This e-mail is intended to reach 40 million people worldwide!
Join us and be a link in the memorial chain and help us distribute it around the world..
Please send this e-mail to people you know and ask them to continue the memorial chain.
Please don't just delete it.
It will only take you a minute to pass this along..
Thanks!
Friday, June 10, 2011
Thoughts for today
I wanted to start by thanking my first guest blogger. It is very brave and special of you to share your experiences and deepest feelings with the Internet community. I am truly looking forward to the next 2 posts for the month of June, and I'm also excited for the next guest blogger to join us for July. I want to continue to ask each and everyone to reach out to us and contribute to the movement. The more voices we have, the greater the opportunities for us to do special things and make a difference with people who are currently struggling with any type of issue. On a personal note, I find myself pondering the thought of redemption. I know it's possible with celebrities, politicians, and athletes, but its not as easy in the real word. Have you ever noticed that? Michael Vick, he has redeemed himself, and he even won comeback player of the year in the NFL, Martha Stewart & Robert Downey Jr they have both been forgiven and are even more successful now! I have not had the same good fortune thus far, but I'm hoping through my writing and my goals, I will achieve redemption. For me it seems that everyone still views me as a criminal, or trouble maker, or a dreamer, and that I could never really be taken seriously until I achieve a certain level of success on my own, then maybe people can look at me and say, "finally, he's done it!". But unfortunately for me I feel like I have been doing it for years, and really it hasn't gotten me very far. The problem was I put the emphasis on insignificant things as opposed to self accomplishment and growth. I have been redeeming myself for almost 10 years, I only began to realize it less than a year ago! Think about that one for next time, because maybe its the way you view yourself that's holding you back, and not the views of others!
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Recent Events
I was reading some local news stories when a specific one caught my attention. It was the story of Garfield & Shakeil Boothe. Garfield is a Jamaican living in Canada, and within the last 2 years or so he found out he was going to be able to have his son come to Canada, Brampton to be specific, in order to live with him and have opportunities that he could never have if Shakeil remained in Jamaica. Garfield was overjoyed as he told neighbours and co-workers of the wonderful news, and how excited he was for Shakeil to have this incredible opportunity. So why is it that now I am reading about the 10 year old boy who was found dead in his fathers home, and why does it have to be Garfield and Shakeil, what could have happened? That's just it, nobody really knows, and that is a major issue for me. It has been reported as of May 31/2011 that so far the only charge laid is "failing to provide necessities of life", and that it is possibly a beating related death!? It has also been reported that several neighbours used to see him outside, but hadn't for over a month and that was odd to them?? The local school Shakeil attended the previous year, Hanover Road Public School, well this year the 10 year old was not enrolled or attending classes?? So this is my problem, once again, why do we all sit around doing nothing until it hits close enough to home? Why wouldn't these neighbours inquire as to why this once active, bike riding boy, was no longer being seen outside? If they reported that it was peculiar, how come they didn't act on these feelings? If I noticed your child engaging in out of the norm type activities, hanging out with the wrong crowd, or engaging in destructive behaviour, wouldn't you want me as a neighbour to inquire with you, or am I being nosey now? What about the teachers and faculty at the school? Was nobody interested in where Shakeil went? Not one teacher was concerned? Did they wonder even if he had been transferred, or moved out of the area, why would nobody try to contact the parent, it's not like Shakeil had graduated!? It's just like when we hear that if you are a woman being attacked and you need help, never yell help, you're instructed to yell Fire!? Why is that, because people won't come running if they hear help, but if they hear fire, there is a much better chance that people will come running. People are so consumed with their own lives that we don't even care to notice what's right in front of our face. I guarantee you that 25 years ago, every neighbour, and every teacher would have inquired about Shakeil. Now we live in apartment buildings and we don't even talk to or know the people who's front door is less than 15 feet away, and we don't seem to care. We won't help someone who screams help because we are to afraid to get hurt ourselves?? Do you know where that type of mentality leads you? It leaves us weak and easily defeated as a society, or neighbourhood. If Shakeil and Garfield's neighbourhood was a little closer knit, would this still happen? I remember the streets where I grew up, and every parent for 2 streets at least, new all the kids in the neighbourhood, and if I even fell and scrapped my knee, another parent would come out and tend to me, or get me a drink. I think it was referred to as a community! We have so few of them anymore. Neighbourhood BBQ's, I don't see them anymore. I think as I've stated before, if we looked at every kid we saw playing on our own street as if they could be our own child, maybe then situations like Shakeil can be avoided in the future. What do you think? Please leave comments and thoughts!
Friday, June 3, 2011
Guest Blogger #1, Anonymous female
This is our very first guest blogger and post, please let's spread the word and let everyone know that there is a safe place to share, discuss, and comment, on our own feelings, experiences, and tragedies.
Sitting infront of my house, I lit up a smoke and let the drag pull my head back up against the brick wall.
Time goes by and I watch everything pass by in this bland boring city, with its dull colours in the night,
and even more monotonous people.
I sunk into the lawn chair, alone in all my thoughts.
I was feeling very bored and despondent, as time passed by.
Lately the side effects of the drugs I use, to numb the pain, have been very dejected.
There seems to be some kind of burden that comes along with the feeling.
I couldn't help but let a couple tears fall down my face,
Despite the fact that he ran through my mind all day,
I felt so pathetic for getting myself in this position.
He shouldn't be on my mind..
but everything I saw or heard reminded me of every piece of him so contagiously
Forsaken by limbs I walk back into my house.
As my phone rings I snap out of thought,
it was him. I pull myself together and answer, I hear his voice
and I cant help but to quietly sob.
Threw these tears I manage to choke out a sentance,
"Call me pathetic, call me what you will, just please don’t leave. I need you like I need a drug.”
That sounds desperate, I must be losing it. You see how the words work? They betray your mouth and walk away.
“You’re so medicated. Don't get carried away feeling sorry for yourself. Can’t you just stop; you do this to yourself.
It takes more than chemicals to live it up.”
He couldn’t help but tell the truth in a distasteful manner,
I hated when I knew he was right, I felt so helpless.
I couldn't think anymore, his words ringing in my ear like a misquito you cant get rid of.
He seems so indecisive with what he wants from me, he never seems happy with us.
"If this is what you want to be, then get used to being without me,” he inevitably continued,
“it’s your choice: me or what you put deep beneath your skin.
I knew he was going to make me choose. He's always been that predictable.
Than again could you blame him?
I didn’t know whether I should get annoyed with his predictable behaviour, or upset about the fact that he's upset and disappointed.
As I sit on my bedroom floor lost in thoughts, I fainty hear his voice again,
“That’s what I thought.” He said, “One of the hardest things in the world is realizing that when I said 'I love you more,' I was right, and I’m still choking on my words.”
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Something to think about
As the dust begins to settle on what will eventually be known as my first TV interview ever, I feel a complete divide about it. On the one hand, what an amazing opportunity, it was fun and exciting, it was a learning experience, and come on, how many people actually get the chance to go on TV and talk about their personal project, very cool! But I also feel like I barely had enough time to even touch on the greatness of this endeavour, I was a little nervous, and I missed a few key messages that I really wanted to get across, and it leaves me wishing I had another shot immediately. I wanted to start by pointing two things out. First off, the next time you personally decide to downplay someones issues, or addictions, I suggest this, anyone that thinks it's so easy to not be an addict, I suggest you put it to the test. If you know someone who smokes cigarettes or drugs, or they are an alcoholic, ask them to quit and in return you will quit drinking coffee for 1 week and see who wins, I bet the results will be pretty eye opening. Secondly, It is very easy for us to imagine if we were walking down the street and a young woman was being attacked by 2 assailants, the odds are we would all do something to help, but there aren't too many of those situations and so we ignore the dangers that are going on beyond close doors. What I mean is simple, there are even some people that would keep walking and just leave that poor girl to suffer her own fate, but what if that was your daughter, then for sure you would jump in and save her, right? Why is it that things only have significant impact once they hit close to home? Why wouldn't you be just as concerned if your daughter was struggling in school, you didn't spend appropriate amounts of time talking with her about her problems or you don't validate them. Even though you think your daughter is surviving, what if her assailants are wolves in sheep's clothing? Perhaps a man or friend who sees the girl is weak, or hurting decides to be a friend, a confidant. Then the guy introduces the girl to drugs, and before long your little angel who's personal issues you may have not given the proper energy to, is inside a dingy apartment, on the wrong side of town, and she's involved in sexual acts with one or more partners in order to "pay" for her drugs, or just as a way to seek approval from the wrong kind of people. Typically when boys go wrong, they act out with violence, criminal activities, drinking and drugs to impress their new peers, when it's girls, it's typically ALWAYS sex!!! Maybe if we all took a second to think about this, the next time your little boy or girl comes home from school, stop them, make an effort to talk everyday at the same time, say 5pm, for about a half an hour minimum about everything. How their day was, what they enjoy, what they don't, but most importantly, THIS IS ABOUT THEM, NOT YOU, SO MAKE SURE YOU VALIDATE THEIR FEELINGS, AND NEVER MAKE IT SO THEY DON'T FEEL SAFE SHARING!!!!
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