Guest Blogger #1, Anonymous female

This is our very first guest blogger and post, please let's spread the word and let everyone know that there is a safe place to share, discuss, and comment, on our own feelings, experiences, and tragedies.

Sitting infront of my house, I lit up a smoke and let the drag pull my head back up against the brick wall.

Time goes by and I watch everything pass by in this bland boring city, with its dull colours in the night, 

and even more monotonous people. 

I sunk into the lawn chair, alone in all my thoughts. 

I was feeling very bored and despondent, as time passed by. 

Lately the side effects of the drugs I use, to numb the pain, have been very dejected.

There seems to be some kind of burden that comes along with the feeling.

I couldn't help but let a couple tears fall down my face, 

Despite the fact that he ran through my mind all day, 

I felt so pathetic for getting myself in this position.

He shouldn't be on my mind..

but everything I saw or heard reminded me of every piece of him so contagiously

Forsaken by limbs I walk back into my house.

As my phone rings I snap out of thought,

it was him.  I pull myself together and answer, I hear his voice

and I cant help but to quietly sob.

Threw these tears I manage to choke out a sentance,

"Call me pathetic, call me what you will, just please don’t leave. I need you like I need a drug.” 

That sounds desperate, I must be losing it. You see how the words work? They betray your mouth and walk away.

“You’re so medicated. Don't get carried away feeling sorry for yourself. Can’t you just stop; you do this to yourself. 

It takes more than chemicals to live it up.” 

He couldn’t help but tell the truth in a distasteful manner,

I hated when I knew he was right, I felt so helpless.

I couldn't think anymore, his words ringing in my ear like a misquito you cant get rid of.

He seems so indecisive with what he wants from me, he never seems happy with us.

"If this is what you want to be, then get used to being without me,” he inevitably continued,

 “it’s your choice: me or what you put deep beneath your skin.

I knew he was going to make me choose. He's always been that predictable.

Than again could you blame him?

I didn’t know whether I should  get annoyed with his predictable behaviour, or upset about the fact that he's upset and disappointed.

As I sit on my bedroom floor lost in thoughts, I fainty hear his voice again,

“That’s what I thought.” He said, “One of the hardest things in the world is realizing that when I said 'I love you more,' I was right, and I’m still choking on my words.”